To expect ex wife to pay her way with 50:50 shared care

[youknowitmakessensedunnit]

Women's view please! I got divorced about 2 years ago and went to court over child arrangements with ex wife eventually getting a court order for 50:50 shared care for our 1 child.

I work, ex wife doesn't
We both own our own homes
I have flexible job which allows me to have full freedom to do school runs, hobbies etc in school hours
Child has completely independent life in each home, e.g. no shared stuff
I pay for all school activities and one offs

My ex wife rather than getting a job chooses to claim child maintenance from me via the CMS, child benefit and state benefits, maintaining a position that she is the child's primary caregiver because she doesn't work.

AIBU to think she's a lazy git who should stop sponging?

Just the tone of your posts make my back crawl.

I would hate to be in the receiving end of any comment from you tbh. Kindness seems to have eluded you completely.

Regardless of whether you are right or not, maybe start by thinking if the child and how the highly aggressive tone of your posts (that I’m sure can also be found when you talk to your ex or about her) can influence your child.
The best thing you can do is to have a nice relationship with her.

Maybe start by learning forgiveness and how to be assertive (which is different from being aggressive, which you are).
Then and only then looking at how much CM you are paying or not is worth doing.

i know that, she doesn't have to work and No it wont affect op, but all these cries of "but the childcare" are frankly pathetic.

I agree, I was a single parent to 2 kids and worked full time.

I am simply saying wether she works or not is non of his business. It doesnt impact CMS, so not his business.

Nowhere I have said I agree, she cant work. I think she should for herself (unless she has personal wealth and wont ever need to work. If she hasnr got a decent oerosnal wealth there will come a time she needs to work and will struggle.

But it doesnt change the fact that it's no ones business if she doesnt work. It's not impacting op.

nom have you read a different OP?

what exactly is aggressive here?

I also love the flexible job that allows the OP to do drops off or be at home just after school when he was still married.
The job that obviously also didn’t go with working weekends or late/early, which he would never have been able to do if his DW hadn’t been there to bridge the gap....

There are some inconsistencies there me think.

@NomDeDieu do you comment such things on the hundreds of posts on MN by women who hate their Ex's?
Or is it just because he owns a penis. And is therefore never allowed to feel a negative thought about his Ex?

Nobody had to get a job. It’s not compulsory.

No it's not. Particularly of you don't fancy contributing to the upbringing of your own child in any way. OP I can't believe some of the replies you've had on here.

You should probably appeal to the CMS because I've never heard of maintenance being paid when shared care is exactly 50/50.

A lot of feckless parents want 50/50 shared care for precisely that reason!

She needs to get a p/t job at the very least. Lazy git.

This doesn't make sense. If your wife has "plenty put aside" surely she is not eligible for state benefits?

I've just read up on this... It doesn't seem to happen...

The CMS don't say "Well you're doing shared care but your ex doesn't want to work so keep giving her some money for no reason, 'kay?"

50/50 shared care - no maintenance to be paid.

She needs to get a p/t job at the very least. Lazy git.

Why is she can afford not to?

If I wint the lottery tomorrow, I wont be working anymore.

Exh would still need to pay CMS.

If the CMS is wrong, he needs to sort that.

That doesnt mean she does or doesnt have to get a job.

*child maintenance that is, spousal support would be something else and nothing to do with CMS

Wowwwwww if this was a woman posting the replies would be soooo different!!! Your ex wife is bang out of order and she should get off her lazy arse and get a job. She must have no shame claiming maintance from you when you have the child the same amount of time she does! What a liberty. She should be ashamed of herself.

And yes it has everything to do with OP

And as is continuously mentioned on here the CMS is shit!

If she put the claim in she could've lied. That's why he needs to call.

i think the "plenty put aside" might actually belong to her parents or be in their name.... which wouldnt affect benefits,

disclaimer - that's a massive assumption on my part but i know thats what some people do to get around it

There is zero reason why a single parent of one NT school age child shouldn't get a job that I can think of

There are plenty. Try using your imagination a bit.

sotired like what?

i mean seriously, she has the child half the time,

the wrap around costs would be minimal. she has no housing costs. even on min wage it'd be a piece of piss.

why do we think women are so useless?

@Babytigerrr, the whole she is a sponger, lazy.
Comments about wealthy family that bought him off etc....
The fact he thinks he can still police what she does or doesn’t do.

Yes I am finding him quite aggressive in his tone too.

imo thats not aggressive. I dont think you'd think it was if OP was a woman.

I dont know how you think he's "policing" her.

he thinks she should work and not claim CMS. He isnt trying to force her to work.

I think you have something against op simply because he is a man.

Your ex wife is bang out of order and she should get off her lazy arse and get a job. She must have no shame claiming maintance from you when you have the child the same amount of time she does! What a liberty. She should be ashamed of herself.

God theres some people really not thinking this out.

CMS know he does 50:50. Ig the claim is wrong it's because they got it wrong.

Wether she works or not does not impact the claim.

If he feels CMS is wrong he needs to challenge that. The outcome will have nothing to do with wether she works or not.

Either its wrong and it stops or it's right and it Carrys on. Her working or not, isnt taken into account.

Btw the fact she is or isn’t working is none of the OP’s problem. She couod be earning thousands of pounds, he would still have to Pau the same CM.

Which then makes me wonder

• is he actually making up how much he has his dc? No way he would be paying otherwise
• is he just plain jealous that he has to pay but she has a house with no mortgage?
• is it a way to try and get at her, give him reason for his anger towards her and therefore a good reason to be a pain towards her (because obviously other women have supported him and his views so it’s now ok for him to have a go at her - even more?)

@Babytiger it’s nothing to do with being useless.
On paper my friends ex has the kids eow so In theory that’s her time to relax and recharge ready for the next 12 days where she does have the kids 24/7 but the reality is she spends that time catching up on the piles of laundry, food prep and shopping cleaning etc from where they’ve literally just survived the previous fortnight. It’s no way to live, wouldn’t wish it on anyone and certainly no quality of life for the DC’s. My friend has a professional job that’s not available part time. Travels an hour each day for work, kids are up and out the door from 7 til 6pm. If you didn’t have to live that way why on earth would you

She isn’t “sponging” off him.

If she gets a job maintenance would STILL be paid. It isn’t calculated on whether she works, it is calculated on number of nights. If OP feels that is incorrect he should challenge on that basis.

Whether she works or not is irrelevant.

yeah, so you're assuming alllllllllll that because he is a man. Why?

Would you be asking the same about a woman? no, would you fuck.

The only reason people told her to get a job is because some posters whined that she needed that money to support their daughter!

If she needs money. She needs to find a way of getting it.