Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

I think the problem is when you are overweight, if someone tells you something doesn't suit you all you hear is you are fat. Whereas, if you are slim and someone tells you that something doesn't suit you you are much more receptive to what you are being told. So when you comment on her clothing all she hears is you saying "your too fat for that". I was like your daughter (size 14 in early 90's which was big then) and I remember going shopping with my mum who got frustrated that i didn't look lovely in everything like my lovely and slim friend 😬. The truth was, I knew I looked bloody awful but I had no quick way to fix it. So I got cross with my mum for mentioning it.

In your situation, I would take it one step at a time. Buy her some nice leggings that aren't see through as a present. Tell her the other ones are looking a bit worn (means the same thing but much kinder and doesn't allude to being fat).

If she is in plus sizes clothes at only 17 then I agree that short tops and see through leggings won't be doing her any favours at all. From a health point of view I would do what I could to enable her to lose weight (in the end I got down to a 10 and stayed there) and I suspect a lot of your clothing anxiety will go away. No doubt the dozens that are happy to stay overweight will pile in with why this is wrong but it is an unfortunate reality that being obese (and you say she is plus size which is almost always obese in weight) is not a healthy way to live. Does she have a poor relationship with food? For me it all went hand in hand with my self esteem.

Can you buy/suggest some thicker leggings?

Definitely not. Nothing to do with you how she dresses.

I would be thanking god that she isn’t starving her body into submission or secretly over exercising/ throwing up to conform to an ‘acceptable’ level of thinness.

I wore weird ass unflattering clothing when I was about 13, my mum never told me and was of the ‘wear what you feel comfortable in’

Other people, strangers, classmates ect told me I looked silly and on occasion told my mum she should have told me to change as I look silly.

Now I’m extremely self conscious of what I wear and very funny about how others are judging me.

I would have rathered my mum telling me that I should think about what I’m wear long against what I’m doing.

There’s only so much ‘ignoring others’ and being ‘comfortable in your own skin’ you can do because you just feel like an idiot and end up shy and awkward and conscious like me.

I’d tell her, but nicely. Make it her choice obviously, just let her know that if you’re thinking it others will too.

She’s an adult and it’s up to her what she wears, pull your judgey pants up and keep your opinions to yourself... unless she asks your opinion. she’s probably horrified by your outfit choices too. It’s all part of being young.

My Mum has always thought it acceptable to say exactly what she thinks about my appearance. I recently got dressed up to go to the races and when she saw the pictures she went on and on about how awful my hat and handbag were. I laughed it off because I am 47 and she is nearly 80 and I didn't want an argument, but it stung and I still feel a bit hurt about it.

It's hard, sometimes my 19 year old student son looks scruffy in my opinion but I bite my lip. If you must say something be very gentle.

I wouldn't say anything at all, apart from 'its cold, do you need a coat?'

Its completely up to her what she wears. If anyone is rude or mean to tell them to do one.

I read a great line recently from someone who liked wearing 'unconventional' clothing: 'your discomfort about my outfit is not my concern or responsibility.' Nice.

I was the opposite,very petite and slim and people would comment to my mum how tiny i was.She would always say no shes in proportion and looks fine,She always told me if i looked nice and used to let me choose her clothes as she said i had good taste.And she would say dont worry about being tiny,you are fine.Im still petite and slim but honestly its never bothered me being small and i think its due to my mum and how she made me feel that i looked fine.

But i do think some bigger people dont always look right in certain clothes,i dont in some as a tiny person. Ive a large friend who dresses very well for her size,always looks smart and she often says to me there are certain items not flattering to larger women that she wouldnt wear,so maybe a tactful word might give bit of guidance.

My (just) 18 year old son hasn't got a clue how to dress himself. He's also a bit on the chunky side but he's one of those unfortunate souls that can make a tuxedo look scruffy! He's not at all bothered about his appearance and just pulls his clothes on without checking to see if he's got his shirt half tucked in and half out. I despair but I don't criticise 🤷

My daughters only 2, and I'm what 25, I know what mistakes I made with clothing when I was a teen and wish someone pointed out some of them for me. But I can honestly say if my 17 year old daughter came down the stairs wearing crop tops and see through leggings I'd tell her where her bedroom is and to get changed now or not come home. I mean sure 1 or the other but that combination leaves very little to the imagination... some self respect and covering up doesnt hurt... yes I am very aware of all the hate I will get because of my opinion I am also making you all very aware that I honestly don't care, I want my daughter to fit in and be comfortable in what she wears but I also want her to respect herself enough to not walk around half naked 🙄

I'd want to be told about the see-throughness of the leggings, regardless of age. She might not realise, or maybe she does and thinks it's ok. Difficult though, many people wear clothes which others don't see as flattering their shape, but up to them really!

I think in fairness op you honestly sound like you want to help. My dm was the opposite and incredibly nasty and opinionated which gave me insecurity and self esteem issues for decades so can I make some suggestions?

Focus on the weather aspects (too cold or too warm etc)
Be very careful about mentioning seeing underwear , whilst I agree it's not great I can only tell you from my perspective dm would often be very nasty about this (I now realise I have a tiny waist and giant hips so hiding my pants was a challenge frankly) and it actually cascaded into being ashamed in general
Dont keep repeating it , say it once and leave it. One of my dm tricks was to claim to say it nicely , then repeat it every 10 minutes until I caved. It wasnt a nice suggestion it was an order

With the best will in the world that top doesnt go is your preference not hers , as is wearing a short top when she is bigger. It actually isn't the case they dont look nice on bigger people , just your perspective and whilst I agree with you on most things your tastes on this part of the issue are irrelevant

I do honestly think you want to help and it's nice to see a genuine mum who means it and is not using it as a way to impose her tastes and views under the guise if "helping"

You sound horribly sizeist tbh. You wear what you like and let her wear what she likes. There is more to life than "looking gorgeous" and if anyone you know makes fun of them you can just tell them to keep their opinions to themselves.

She will not, ever, thank you for giving your opinion uninvited. You will negativity affect her self esteem and drive a wedge between you.

I would be positive when she looks great and keep my thoughts to myself at other times. Suggest a jumper or jacket when it's cold but otherwise keep quiet. It will never go well.

Ask your parent /older family member / sibling if you ever wore clothes that made them cringe at the sight? We've all done it. I vividly remember freezing to death in some skimpy outfit mid winter, not these days though.

I have found that a mirror often doesn't show what I look like in reality.

It takes a photo to do that.

You could take a photo - under some pretext.
Beware - it can be deeply depressing!

100% tell her if her leggings are see through or top rides up at the back. That's not BU...that's being a decent parent! Who wants their childs underwear on show? I agree with really praising the outfits you do like. And dont say anything (unless seethrough/exposing) about the other outfits

I would definitely tell me DD if she was wearing see through leggings. I wouldn’t want her going out with her underwear showing. I would also tell my DD’s if they were wearing something unsuitable for the weather outside. I often tell them they can’t wear shorts and have to wear jeans or leggings etc. My dd wear a lot of cropped T-shirts which I see no problem with in the spring/summer but for winter it’s not suitable. I don’t think I am dictating their style choices. More keeping them safe from perverts or preventing them moaning if they’re cold!

I would definitely say something about the see through leggings. Maybe in a why don't we go shopping and find you decent quality leggings. See how this goes before tackling the others.

There is no right or wrong here.

I see you told her... just don't go on about it or you will end up wrecking her self esteem.

We've all made fashion mistakes... just leave her be now you've said your piece.

I've not read all the comments and OP you may have stopped reading but you did the right thing. I've seen larger teenage girls in crop tops and see through leggings, it's not a good look and who's going to tell them if not their mum? It's easy for them to see this as criticism but it's not, it's just looking out for them.

I wouldn’t have said anything and I wouldn’t in future.

I used to go out in some shocking outfits, bright orange make up, awful back combed hair, I looked like a clown from the age of 17-19 in all honesty. My mum never said a word. To be honest, if she had I’d have saw my arse and stomped out of the house probably hating her.

Now I laugh my head off with her and say ‘why didn’t you tell me’ she just says ‘you wouldn’t have wanted to hear it at that age, better let you figure it out’ and I did.

When I was younger than your daughter I was dressing how I wanted. I had a job, I bought my own clothes. Definitely NOT my mother's choice. She hated it. I did it all the more....
I wasn't a skinny teen but wasn't plus size either (I am now).
We learn by our mistakes. Allow your daughter the freedom to make hers.

No say nothing... she is just finding herself.

I look back at old pics from when i was 17.... i am wearin a tracksuit with a cap socks tucked into the end of my joggers which had cannbis leaves on them. Now thats a problem but mum said nothin..... yes i grow up in the late 90s arealy 2000