To suggest I'd rather he didn't shower

[ladybirdees]

And blow dry his hair at 4.30am pre leaving for his flight. This is my DH leaving for a ski trip in the morning and he feels he cannot possibly get up and just sneak out whereas I know that him doing his full morning routine at that time will wake the baby and I could really do without that given i'm going to be here managing 3 children on my own for the next 4 days. I feel it's a small give on his part for family harmony whereas he cannot fathom the idea of leaving without a shower and has suggested the only alternative is him leaving tonight and staying in a hotel so he can have the shower without disturbing anyone. Who is being unreasonable?

Compromise. He can shower and blow dry his hair before bed, then a quick freshen up shower but no hair wash at 4am.

If he wakes the baby, he takes the baby!

I'm not surprised the showering woke the baby.
What a selfish twat.

I know you are with the children on your own but at least you are getting a break from that level of selfishness.

I am 100% this 'selfish' - I literally couldn't do it. I'd rather cancel the whole trip than go without a shower.

Do you have some form of psychological disorder related to obsessive personal cleanliness or something?

You asked him not to wake the kids up in the middle of the night before his 4 day jolly and he refused because his blow dry is too important?

That is ridiculously selfish. IME its rare for that kind of entitlement to be an isolated action.

Yes and he'd be happy for me to go away for 4 days on my own although the reality of that is less achievable.

What makes it difficult to achieve? Its easy for people to say "yes dear, go away for four days" when they know you can't actually do it. What is he changing/doing to make it possible for you to have a break?

How did his showering wake the baby?

Was it him being noisy?

Let him go to a hotel. I live within a 30 minute drive of a huge U.K. airport. I always book into a hotel before an early morning solo trip so as not to disturb the whole house. It has the additional benefits of giving me an extra few minutes in bed and taking away the fear of getting stuck on the M25 and missing my flight.

The joy of an airport hotel is further enhanced if I am travelling with friends who can stay with me. Sharing rooms reduces the cost and we buy an in room picnic and wine from the airport M&S and enjoy an extra night of holiday before jetting off. It’s a win-win situation.

I know this is going to seem excessive so obviously ignore if you want ...

I have ADHD and ASD and I have totally been there with the obsessive washing and sensory issues, but if that is what is going on, he might want to think about getting help as these types of behaviour can be a nightmare for the person and those around them. Not being able to miss one shower is not normal. And I say that as someone who used to wash their hands until they bled. CBT as an adult really helped me find the off switch for some of my behaviours.

What a daft prick. Have a shower before going to bed.
It’s not like he won’t shower for a whole week. The twat!
And blow dry his hair? Rapunzel..
Manicure? Pedicure? Exfoliation? No?

@PotholeParadise My hair is really thick, it’s only about 3-4 inches at most on top. If I go to a barber and it’s someone who hasn’t cut it before they always comment on how thick it is.

How did his showering wake the baby?

I don't know about the OP's house, obviously, but we are currently living in a huge, old house, with seven bedrooms over three floors (not our house), and anyone turning on the electric showers in any of the bathrooms results in a deep, thrumming noise far louder than the sound of the water, which has certainly woken me and our seven year old up, even though DH was using the most distant bathroom possible, on another floor.

Heathrow has showers and hair dryers.

Still laughing at the fact he blow drys his hair but surely he is also going to plonk a hat/helmet straight on his head as he is going straight out skiing. or is it 5 minutes skiing followed by 5 hours on the lash haha

Is the noise of the blow dry the problem? Can't he do it in another room/downstairs/another part of the house? That's what my DH used to do when he got up for early shifts and the baby was still in our room.

Oh, I see that was your compromise. Hope you managed to get the baby to lie in a bit!

I can't believe he actually went ahead and did it, he is so selfish

I never knew men blow dried their hair. I mean sex stereotypes can do one, and he’s welcome to, but it’s news to me.

IME whether or not you blow dry your hair is related to what your hair is like, not which sex you are. I don't blow dry mine because it would turn into a ball of frizz if I did. Male family members with equally thick hair do blow dry theirs because it would stay wet for ages if they didn't. (Whereas I put up with my hair being wet for ages because I generally don't wash it that often and it's better than The Frizz).

Wanting to blow dry his hair isn't a problem. Insisting that he needed to before he left is odd. Honestly, nothing falls off or makes you ill if you shower at 9pm and then leave the house 8 hours later having not washed again in between. It's not like you even smell bad unless you are a large, particularly sweaty person and/ or are somewhere very hot.

Hide the hairdryer.

" and anyone turning on the electric showers in any of the bathrooms results in a deep, thrumming noise far louder than the sound of the water,"

Yes, this is why I wondered if it was the shower or him iyswim.

When I have an early flight I have a quick shower & don't wash my hair.

But for people saying shower the night before-I would still need a shower in the morning & a wash just wouldn't feel enough.

It's hard to explain, but even if I showered before bed, when I get up I always feel that I need a shower.

It's hard to explain, but even if I showered before bed, when I get up I always feel that I need a shower.

It is nicer to have a shower of course but if you're leaving your partner and 3 young kids behind while you go off to enjoy yourself and you know having that shower will wake the baby and result in your partner having to stay awake most of the night, you surely just suck it up, have a wash and shower later when you get to you lovely kid free hotel?

There is no way I'd leave the house without having a shower.

So if you go out later in the day, for all those who couldn't possibly leave without having a shower in the morning, have a shower before you go out later as well? And I am not talking about going for a night out, but maybe doing the school run or shopping

I couldn’t leave the house without having a shower. It’s basic hygiene for me. And you’re being ridiculous @ineedahildaynow, as you very well know.

There is no way I'd leave the house without having a shower.

Even if it meant waking up the baby and making your partner have to get up at 4:30am? That's so unbelievably selfish

I'm sorry but I wouldn't go anywhere without taking a shower and sorting my Barnett first. However I'd use the downstairs bathroom and leave via the side entrance through the garage rather than the front door.

Threads like this remind me that there are some incredibly selfish people in the world and that I will never be able to understand their way of thinking.