Partner getting food

[Lafoosa]

Am I overreacting being upset that whenever my OH goes to make food in the kitchen he never asks if I want something, he just makes himself about 8 slices of toast, a sandwich and god knows what else and doesn't even bother to ask if I'm hungry or want a drink.
The other day he ate an entire pack of bagels in one go claiming they'd go off if he didn't, well we have a toddler to feed and I could have eaten one too. He didn't need to eat 5 to himself. Plus they could've been frozen.
I actually ask him if he wants something when I make food.
Tonight around the time we'd normally have dinner cooking he went into the kitchen and spent a good 45 minutes in there to then come out having just eaten almost a whole loaf of bread and making himself noodles. Did he make any food for everyone else? No.
He took so long I thought he was making dinner, but by the time he'd finished it was too late for me to cook a meal. Luckily I'd already fed our toddler, so she didn't go hungry.
I just think it's the polite thing to do if you're already making food, it's no harder to make one extra portion of it.
I feel like I'm not even an after thought 🙄

Can someone please clarify what having an eating disorder have to do with not offering to make food for other family members when making food for yourself? Perhaps I am missing something but I am trying to isolate one issue from another...

Why can’t he take the kids and you cook then? It seems he’s not doing it.but you’re also saying you don’t either because that’s your agreement.

So basically you’re saying you don’t cook, and neither does he? So is this maybe not got something to do with the fact your toddler is fussy?

What did your toddler eat for dinner if neither of you cooked and he didn’t even go into the kitchen till 8.

It's mainly just bread he binges on but I think that's because it's easy to throw together and make with no effort.
Our daughter used to eat veg until she started seeing him eat toast all the time and it's what he'd give to her when I was out food shopping or running errands. Maybe it's down to the possible ASD that she doesn't eat veg anymore, but it's doing my head in. I keep saying to stop feeding her toast, she won't let herself just go hungry. Luckily I have managed to get her to eat a spinach roll today which is a huge improvement and she'll have raisins sometimes. I've said we're not going to be buying bread anymore so hopefully he'll start eating healthier options now. We do have healthy things to snack on, like fruit and nuts so there are still easy options.
I'm hoping that no longer buying bread will improve the situation, hopefully it won't just make him never eat because he can't be bothered to prepare anything else.

He sounds underweight to me... Have you wondered why, given he eats such gargantuan amounts of food?

make him never eat because he can’t be bothered to prepare anything else What on earth does this mean??
Either you’d never eat either or you’d cook for yourself and your child and leave him out?
It all sounds ridiculously dysfunctional.

Have you talked to him about that? Moaning here won't solve the matter.
Talking is fundamental in any relationship.

Ok so the issue it seems to me is that you have an agreement that he will cook but he doesn't.

Rather than cook a meal he'll just eat ridiculous amount of bread because it's "easy" for him.

However aside from not eating healthy meals himself he's also not cooking for you when he's promised to do so.

So something needs to change. Either he actually steps up and starts cooking meals when he says he will or he looks after the kids whilst you do it. You say the baby won't settle with him - well that's not going to change unless he starts engaging with them - practice makes perfect.

Tbh it's not sounding like an eating disorder, rather that he's selfish and lazy.

So you eat dinner at 6.30 - 7.30, yet you both sit there until 8.00 until he wanders into the kitchen and you sit there still further until 8.45 while he spends 45 mins making toast and noodles?

Weren't you or the kids hungry?

So if he goes into the kitchen, starts cooking, then starts stuffing himself with carbs, that must mean there's some food for you even if he's not hungry anymore?

Put everything possible into the freezer so he can't pig it down - bread will defrost as it toasts, but he won't necessarily realise that, butter, ham, bacon and cheese can be frozen, etc. That way, it's not all there easy to grab and stuff.

I think you need to try to convince him to see the GP about the throwing up. It might be nothing, but equally it could be a sign of something serious like cancer.

Sorry to sound dumb but what is yanbu?

Has he been tested for diabetes?

I'm hoping that no longer buying bread will improve the situation, hopefully it won't just make him never eat because he can't be bothered to prepare anything else

What? Where are the veggies your daughter is supposed to eat if you and your partner both refuse to cook? Who is feeding this child?who is cooking these mythical veg if it’s neither him or you?

Youre saying you don’t cook and he only eats toast or bagels. What do you eat? What is your children being fed?

The whole thing makes no sense. It’s like you want him to be to blame, but refuse to take any responsibility for also doing nothing too.

Again who is cooking daily for your children and what exactly are they cooking?

He will eat healthy meals if I cook them for him, but if he cooks dinner then he'll eat so much toast while cooking that he won't actually eat dinner.

It's all very weird. I'm still not getting it.

I'd imagine he'd be pretty underweight if he was bulimic No, people with bulimia can often be a fairly normal weight.

However aside from not eating healthy meals himself he's also not cooking for you when he's promised to do so

But she’s also not cooking. No one is. The ops not responded to the question of what her child was fed when he ate the toast and she didn’t cook and they both then decided it was too late.

@ruby2019missyou

It stands for "you are not being unreasonable"

Good idea about freezer @NeverDropYourMoonCup.

He needs GP.

I'd still like to know: if he starts cooking THEN starts scoffing carbs, what happens to the cooking?

My husband does this it used to really annoy me, I pulled him up on it but he still does it.
Would be nice to be asked if I wanted anything ,even if I dont. He does it with the DC too.
So I sort out myself and the DC and he sorts himself out.
I think it's the way he's been brought up, just doesn't think or laziness can't be arsed sorting everyone else food out and doesn't ask incase he has to go out of his way and take longer to get his food.

This thread is worrying me

Op, what are you and your children eating if he doesn’t cook and nor do you?

A toddler eating a spinach roll, which are disgusting at the best of times, and not natural toddler fare, indicates premade supermarket food and a hungry child.

What do you and your kids eat? We know what he eats. But what about you and them. And when you both decided it was too late for dinner, what were the kids fed? Were they even fed?

Something just isn't right here. For someone that short and light, a loaf of bread plus noodles etc would be their entire day of required calories. Unless he starves himself all day, he isn't digesting that amount of food.

Has he been checked by the gp? 9 stone sounds very light for an adult man, my 10 year old nearly weighs that. If he's eating that amount of food and doing no exercise it just doesnt add up.

OP has already said the child had eaten earlier.

"if he cooks dinner then he'll eat so much toast while cooking that he won't actually eat dinner.

It's all very weird. I'm still not getting it."

I don't find that weird at all. I've done that when I've started cooking too late and it's taking ages, I'll eat something quick while the food is cooking and have the food the next day. Has happened when I'm doing something like a stew and the recipe says it will take 20 minutes, but I find it takes at least an hour to get the veg properly cooked.

Surely you’d only do that if you were just cooking for yourself, not someone else as well?!