Partner getting food

[Lafoosa]

Am I overreacting being upset that whenever my OH goes to make food in the kitchen he never asks if I want something, he just makes himself about 8 slices of toast, a sandwich and god knows what else and doesn't even bother to ask if I'm hungry or want a drink.
The other day he ate an entire pack of bagels in one go claiming they'd go off if he didn't, well we have a toddler to feed and I could have eaten one too. He didn't need to eat 5 to himself. Plus they could've been frozen.
I actually ask him if he wants something when I make food.
Tonight around the time we'd normally have dinner cooking he went into the kitchen and spent a good 45 minutes in there to then come out having just eaten almost a whole loaf of bread and making himself noodles. Did he make any food for everyone else? No.
He took so long I thought he was making dinner, but by the time he'd finished it was too late for me to cook a meal. Luckily I'd already fed our toddler, so she didn't go hungry.
I just think it's the polite thing to do if you're already making food, it's no harder to make one extra portion of it.
I feel like I'm not even an after thought 🙄

Crumbs, LyingWitch? . What are you on about? Thinking that ganneting 5 bagels as a snack is disordered eating does not equate with being a would be anorexic who panics about eating too many crumbs.

Stop it

Pack it in, Thisismytimetoshine, it's a ridiculous thing to say and I've not mentioned anorexia or even referred to it. The issue isn't that he eats 5 bagels or 8 pieces of toast, but that he apparently doesn't ask the OP if she wants anything.

I'm not going to take responsibility for posters who make a beeline for threads like this... every.single.time.

Nobody’s handing you the responsibility for any other posters, what a ridiculous over reach

@Gwenhwyfar 5 slices of toast for a meal IS a quite a bit I think, although it would depend if it was the 'small' sized slices or regular slices of bread.

I think it's around 100 calories per slice, and I assume you had something on the toast rather than just dry - depending what it is would increase the calories a lot.

Of course if you self regulate and aren't snacking throughout the day in addition to a large dinner - or if you happen to be someone who does a lot of physical exercise - then it really doesn't matter.

But 5 slices of toast, or 8 slices of toast, plus toppings, would be considered a large meal by the average person I think.

@Lafoosa Yes agree with the rest that it sounds like your husband has an eating disorder and I think you should be concerned rather than angry. Throwing up after eating is not normal.

He doesn't usually throw up after eating, but he throws up several times a month which I don't think is normal.
He usually eats breakfast, lunch and a large dinner with snack in-between. But when he makes himself toast or sandwiches he goes over the top with it, and only has unhealthy toppings or fillings.
He's short and skinny, but also doesn't exercise much. (He cycles 15 minutes to work).
I just think that if he's going to be making that much food he should just make a meal for everyone, not just loads of food for himself. Especially when it's a mealtime.

Op throwing up every month however many times isn't healthy. I'd really try and get home in to see a gp. He shouldn't be throwing up at all

I just think that if he's going to be making that much food he should just make a meal for everyone, not just loads of food for himself. Especially when it's a mealtime.

Have you actually talked, clearly and explicitly, about who cooks/when/how it all works? e.g. 'Shall we aim to have dinner made for about x o'clock; I'll cook on these days, you can do it on those days' type of conversation? From your posts you sound as though you sit and wait to see whether he's making dinner. It sounds a bit odd.

The throwing up a lot thing is odder, though, and worrying. He needs to see a GP.

Of all the threads on MN when the OP doesn't come back, in over a decade, I think this is the one that's going to finish me off

Could he be bulimic? I know back in my teens when I had eating disorders both anorexia and bulimia during my bulimic months I would literally stuff anything and everything down and then ran my fingers down my throat afterwards. No one knew cos I was doing it in secret

My apologies OP came back. Slow phone

He needs to see a doctor ASAP about the throwing up - that's a seriously concerning symptom

@redred9 he can't be a giant, a giant is a fictional creation, therefore does not exist...

Don’t you communicate about meals?

I thought discussing what you were eating that night or what the kids were eating was just, well, normal?

I just think that if he's going to be making that much food he should just make a meal for everyone, not just loads of food for himself. Especially when it's a mealtime.

I think there are bigger issues with his eating than making it for everyone else too.

@GulliBelle it was a joke.

@Lafoosa he needs to see a GP, this isn’t normal. (Isn’t he bothered by the vomiting?)

Something is very odd here.

OP quite a few people have asked about how you as a couple shop/plan/cook.

If he's in the kitchen for 45mins at meal time haven't you both discussed what plans are are dinner? Why not pop into the kitchen and see what he's doing?

I'm not disputing there may be an eating disorder at play but it's just as likely that the issue here is that there's no communication about cooking/mealtimes and in response (because he can't/won't cook) he loads up on bread.

You say you want to eat together as a family. What's stopping that? Surely if a meal has been made he's not loading up on bread in favour of that?

I just can't work out what's going on here.

He's got worms

I can’t understand listening to him bumble about in the kitchen for 30 minutes at mealtimes and just hoping he may be making enough food for all of you. Especially when he’s known for this behaviour.
Why don’t you take the initiative and either start the family meal yourself or ask him if he plans to do it, op?
Such passivity is as concerning as his behaviour.

Did you ever ask him about this? What does he say when asked?

Does he have an eating disorder or a tapeworm? Eating 5 bagels and 8 slices of toast is not normal behaviour, even extremely overweight people would struggle with that! It’s binge eating, not healthy at all.

Op, do you also have issues with food?

The whole thing is bizarre, and you’re avoiding answering any of the questions, about what you cook, how you shop, why food is on the floor, why your kid is fussy, why forty five mins meant it was too late for dinner, why you couldn’t just ask him if he was cooking dinner or check. What you’d even think he was if there was no cooking smells.

The only thing I can think is you have problems with food, neither of you are taking responsibility and it’s not impacting your child.

Sorry “now impacting your child”

We do discuss mealtimes, he had said he'd cook last night. Usually he's the one to cook because I have a newborn and a toddler on me 24/7 so we agreed it's better if he does it because our baby doesn't stay happy for long enough with him.
45 minutes made it too late to cook because it was already 8pm when he went in there, and I needed to get the kids to bed. There is usually food on the floor because my toddler likes to lob food when she eats, which isn't a major issue because she'll grow out of it.
I have no issues with food, we usually have breakfast at 8am, lunch at 12:30 and dinner at 6:30-7:30 depending on if we're out or not. I don't think he's bulimic, he's a very healthy weight and I'd imagine he'd be pretty underweight if he was bulimic, but he refuses to go to a doctor.
@Bluntness100 in answer to your other question, I have no idea why my daughter is so fussy, she has possible ASD so that might be why. Also you usually can't smell what's cooking from the living room, it's pretty far away from the kitchen which is at the other end of the house.
I have no issues with food, I eat anything pretty much, unless I have allergies to it.
I didn't ask him if he was cooking because he'd said earlier that he'd cook some dinner.

Also I highly doubt it's tapeworm, it's not a new thing. He's eaten this amount since we've been together when we were teenagers.

I've spoken to him about it before, it usually ends up him saying he'll eat less toast and things like that and make healthy meals, but not actually doing it. He will eat healthy meals if I cook them for him, but if he cooks dinner then he'll eat so much toast while cooking that he won't actually eat dinner. I feel like it's similar to having to tell a child they can't eat before dinner otherwise they won't eat their dinner, except he's an adult and he should know not to fill up of rubbish before a meal.
He probably gets it from his dad who only ever eats junk and microwave food.

Had your child eaten earlier, then? Why say nothing until he chose to amble into the kitchen at 8?

In answer to some other questions, he's not actually tall or obese, he's 5.5 and 9 stone.