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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be livid about hand hygiene offence?

336 replies

Yummymummy2020 · 01/03/2020 20:07

To cut it short but rant. Partners family taking offence at being asked to use hand sanitiser or wash hands before handling our new baby. Particular offence taken at asking the children to use it. I know I’m not unreasonable wanting hand hygiene to be followed before touching our new born, but I feel like really distancing myself from them over this. It’s not just about the corona virus I’m concerned about the baby picking up anything as they are so young. To add to this, certain members are living with a currently sick person which I feel makes it even more crucial to ensure their hands are clean. Would it be really unreasonable to just keep away until the baby has their vaccinations? I know this won’t solve colds/flu but at least the child can have calpol if they do get sick. I’m also annoyed for being called odd by them for wanting them to make sure to use the gel or wash their hands. I have the gel by the way I’m not demanding anyone track it down. I’m livid right now so don’t want to say/ act on anything in haste!

OP posts:
autumnboys · 01/03/2020 20:12

It’s not unreasonable to ask people to wash their hands on arrival at your house, if you’ve got a new baby. Especially small children, who touch all sorts. And especially at the moment in cold/flu season, never mind COVID-19.

Is your partner supporting you? I would ask him/her to step in here, it shouldn’t all be on you.

Original poster
Yummymummy2020 · 01/03/2020 20:18

@autumnboys he does but they just don’t seem to see that it’s risky with such a young child. I’m beginning to think the stress of falling out over not visiting would be less than the stress of worrying about arguments on the spot about hand hygiene. I really would have thought with all the emphasis on hand washing now it wouldn’t be something to fight to get people to do! They think we are not normal for insisting on it but I think it’s not normal to not do it coming from a healthcare background.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/03/2020 20:19

Definitely NOT unreasonable of you, @Yummymummy2020!

I can understand why people feel upset - maybe they think you are calling them dirty - but that doesn’t matter as much as the health of a newborn. And it’s not as if you are asking them to strip outside the door and hosing them down with bleach, before getting dressed in one of those CSI paper suits! Handwashing is a simple and generally painless procedure.

goldenorbspider · 01/03/2020 20:22

This is a massive over reaction op. Is this first child?

Daftodil · 01/03/2020 20:30

I didn't personally worry about hand washing when my DS was born, but he was a summer baby so it didn't really cross my mind in the same way it might have if he'd been born in the middle of cold/flu season.

It most likely won't do your DC any harm (people have survived many generations before the invention of antibacterial gel), but it isn't a big ask so it is easy enough for them to humour you even if they don't agree.

lljkk · 01/03/2020 20:36

yabu

cstaff · 01/03/2020 20:39

I went to visit my dad in a nursing home today and whilst there are always hand sanitised on the counter on your way in, today the receptionist handed it to us on the way in. We accepted this with no question under the circumstances.

As this virus is not going to disappear tomorrow or next week, I think it is a habit that people will just fall into and accept. Hopefully your in-laws will in time.

TheAugusta · 01/03/2020 20:40

Not at all unreasonable, why on earth would anyone object to this?

feeona123 · 01/03/2020 20:41

They need to build up their immunity some how!

FabulouslyFab · 01/03/2020 20:43

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your baby, your rules!

Vikki69 · 01/03/2020 20:44

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Reginabambina · 01/03/2020 20:45

I always wash my hands before handling babies. I’m not the kind of person that is overly concerned about hygiene. I eat food past it’s best before date, I don’t clean my entire house with detol, I eat unwashed fruit etc. But it’s basic common sense to only handle babies with clean hands, they’re really fragile and can’t have many immunisations or medicines.

drivingmisspotty · 01/03/2020 20:47

I think it is fine to ask them to wash their hands as long as you do it nicely and don’t imply they are dirty!

But I can see why people wouldn’t want their kids using alcohol gel. It’s not the greatest for skin and if the kids are young they might put their hands in their mouths and consume the gel. (Okay it sounds silly now but when my PFB was about 2 my DP our some gel on her hands before a snack and she put them straight in her mouth. This really freaked me out and I spent a while googling whether this would poison her.) While you are rightly protective of your DC, your visitors may feel they are being protective of their DC too. Even though they probably look massive and strong to you next to your baby.

I would second though that babies can survive a bit of dirt. Many even have older siblings who actively provide them with lots of dirt and germs.

CherryPavlova · 01/03/2020 20:48

A bit of an overreaction.Exposure to everyday things improves their immune response. Higher risk is over cleanliness and over protection.

Floribundance · 01/03/2020 20:50

Washing your hands before holding a newborn is standard isn’t it?

Eckhart · 01/03/2020 20:52

Even if they don't feel it's necessary, it's unkind of them not to simply do as you ask. You're not asking them to wear hazmat suits, are you. Takes a few seconds to wash your hands, but they'd rather be obstructive to your wishes regarding your newborn. I'd be stepping back a bit, and keeping an eye out to see if this turns into a pattern.

randomsabreuse · 01/03/2020 20:53

Older siblings aren't great for winter born newborns... DS was born in the winter DD turned 3 and started nursery. 48h admission to children's ward for bronchiolitis, O2, tube feeding... DC1 wasn't noticeably unwell. This year every virus means he needs to use an inhaler before bed.

Am very careful around newborns now.

Potkettlexx · 01/03/2020 20:57

I also assume it’s your fist lo?

I would say not unreasonable to ask, although I agree with pp in that hand gel is a new concept so what did we do before it?!

I wouldn’t let done one hold my newborn that was coughing and spluttering etc and unwell but I wouldn’t ask an otherwise healthy adult to wash their hands before holding baby. I assume their hands are clean.....

Potkettlexx · 01/03/2020 20:58

As you did ask however, it wouldn’t have been hard to comply with your wishes

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2020 21:00

I genuinely wouldn't mind if anyone asked me or my kids to wash their hands before we touched their baby.

But on a different note, it honestly never occurred to me to ask anyone to do this when I had my 3 babies.

I'm now worried I was completely lax Grin

Although having three of them would have meant an awful lot of constant hand washing for their siblings.

Maryann1975 · 01/03/2020 21:01

people have survived many generations before the invention of antibacterial gel
The lucky ones did! I think it’s quite fair to say that the infant mortality rate has plummeted in recent decades, because of a greater awareness of hand washing/being generally cleaner.

Of course you should wash your hands properly before touching a new born. I even got the dc changed in to clean clothes before visiting a friends baby. If the parents are being generous enough to share their new born with us for an hour, the least we can do is minimise the germs we take in to their home. Even a common cold would be problematic with a new born (Even if the problems are just a few even worse sleepless nights), it’s Just not worth the risk. Wash your hands or don’t hold the baby. Simple.

Sixgeese · 01/03/2020 21:01

I think YANBU to ask everyone to wash their hands.

I was with my sister who is a Primary teacher today, she told us that her school's new guidelines starting tomorrow is that all staff have to wash their hands/ use hand sanitizer before contact with the pupils.

How much more at risk of picking something up is a new born baby than those school age children.

DappledThings · 01/03/2020 21:03

Of all the babies I've known only the parents of one of them ever asked visitors to wash their hands. I thought they were joking.

Certainly never occurred to me to ask anyone to do so. Seems very OTT to me.

pedanticstyleguide · 01/03/2020 21:04

When ds was born DH had a horrible cold. The midwife told him not to worry because ds would benefit from my antibodies. He was 10 months old before he was ill with anything, and he went to nursery by then.

I don't think asking for handwashing is unreasonable in the current climate with CV 19 which we don't have antibodies to, but there isn't really any need to worry in normal circumstances.

DropYourSword · 01/03/2020 21:04

This is a massive over reaction op. Is this first child?

Wanting people to wash their hands is a “massive overreaction” now, is it?! Hmm

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