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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid about hand hygiene offence?

336 replies

Yummymummy2020 · 01/03/2020 20:07

To cut it short but rant. Partners family taking offence at being asked to use hand sanitiser or wash hands before handling our new baby. Particular offence taken at asking the children to use it. I know I’m not unreasonable wanting hand hygiene to be followed before touching our new born, but I feel like really distancing myself from them over this. It’s not just about the corona virus I’m concerned about the baby picking up anything as they are so young. To add to this, certain members are living with a currently sick person which I feel makes it even more crucial to ensure their hands are clean. Would it be really unreasonable to just keep away until the baby has their vaccinations? I know this won’t solve colds/flu but at least the child can have calpol if they do get sick. I’m also annoyed for being called odd by them for wanting them to make sure to use the gel or wash their hands. I have the gel by the way I’m not demanding anyone track it down. I’m livid right now so don’t want to say/ act on anything in haste!

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 03/03/2020 11:27

I have a little video clip of DT2 when he was hospitalised with whooping cough. He only weighed 5lb and was fighting for every breath. You should have seen some of the babies in HDU with him, and others shipped off to PICU at another hospital. Have these people never seen a small baby with even bronchiolitis?

Belvedeer · 03/03/2020 11:56

You have every right to make people wash their hands before touching your baby! My daughter was premature and the hospital gave us dvd's about the dangers of RSV. I was also very insistent that people wash their hands before touching her because its just not worth the risk of a baby ending up back in hospital for the sake of a quick hand wash! Premature babies are so much more susceptible to illness than full term babies and with the threat of coronavirus at the moment, everyone should be making the effort to wash their hands regularly.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/03/2020 12:05

but right now I’m specifically referring to a spanking new baby fresh out of the nicu
Why didn't you mention that baby had been in NICU in your first post op? Or did you just add that to add weight to your argument after other posters mentioned their own babies?

Aglet · 03/03/2020 13:41

Your baby, end of. If they don't like it they can feck off.

Original poster
Yummymummy2020 · 03/03/2020 14:32

@Toomuchtrouble4me if you go over the whole thread you will see I mentioned it a few Times and explained that without asking the post to be deleted and redoing it from scratch which would have deleted the earlier comments, I could not add on more! You will see however I did add it in early on in the thread, and did mention it numerous times. I don’t actually feel the argument needs weight added to it anyway though to be honest from what I have read here alone! I didn’t add it at the original post as I wrote it in a rant, quickly. But as I said already, it’s not an argument that should need anything added to it anyway, it’s basic hygiene. I also said I would wash my own hands before handling anyone else’s baby myself full term or not!

OP posts:
seastargirl · 03/03/2020 14:47

I'm on my 3rd baby and did the same as you with all of them. It's not precious first born at all, it's just good practice and protects your baby. I only had one person who objected (probably the least hygienic person I know) and told them they wouldn't be holding the baby then.

Stick.to your guns, your baby your choice!

TrickyKid · 03/03/2020 14:52

I don't think yanbu. I remember with my first baby wanting everyone to wash their hands before holding him. I would wash my hands if visiting a new born without being asked too. Nothing to be offended by regardless of if they think it's odd or not.

ABC123whatever · 03/03/2020 14:55

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t wash their hands before handling a newborn!!!! YANBU

SinkGirl · 03/03/2020 15:16

What concerns me about this thread is how many people think babies actually need to be exposed to everything going from birth and how that impacts their actions. Some people here should spend some time in a PICU and see a newborn with a virus.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/03/2020 15:31

Well It was a hugely relevant point and clearly you don’t want an AIBU as you are so sure that you’re not being neurotic - even though you really are.

Buggyinthemud · 03/03/2020 15:56

She really isn't BU.

Just a quick, easy, reasonable precaution which was advised by doctors when my DD was born.

Of course it doesn't protect against every possible thing, that's the whole point, OP is taking reasonable rational precautions.

I don't understand this logic of if you can't prevent everything don't bother with anything.

Equally, there's a distinction between keeping an overly clean environment and taking precautions at the beginning. Newborns are different, that's why you sterilise bottles etc. Then later when their immune systems are ready they become mobile and it's a different kettle of fish.

Buggyinthemud · 03/03/2020 16:02

Also - for those feeling that it's a game changer that a baby might be premature, if you accept that an extremely young baby is more susceptible to viruses and bacteria why is it a such a stretch than a newborn is more vulnerable than a mobile baby?

I know babies born at term seem ready for their environment but their immune systems do take a while to be fully functioning - just like they aren't ready for solids etc straight away.

Original poster
Yummymummy2020 · 03/03/2020 16:09

@Toomuchtrouble4me honestly it’s really not a big deal to me if some people think I’m being unreasonable, as some do. If you read the whole thread you will see some people could care less of a brand new baby was in intensive care or not, they would still clean their hands regardless as I would too. So although of course it makes it more important, it’s not actually adding much extra to the point. You can think what you like anyway, it’s a chat board at the end of the day to raise discussion, I’ll be able to sleep regardless of if you think it was added in to manipulate the answers to votes😂 either way, hand hygiene is important to keep young babies healthy, I think that’s been established clearly by other people’s experiences!

OP posts:
NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 03/03/2020 16:36

YANBU. It takes two bloody minutes to wash your hands. We all do it multiple times a day (hopefully) so what’s one more occasional time until the baby hits 3 months or so?! It’s not like it’s until they’re 25 Hmm.

I use public transport a lot so I like to wash my hands when I get home/to the cafe/ to a friends house or wherever anyway. Friends are used to me going straight to the toilet to ‘scrub the bus off me’.

I think if you get pissy about being asked nicely to wash your hands before holding a newborn it says a lot more about you than it does the person asking.

FelicisNox · 03/03/2020 18:11

It's not unreasonable at all.

Tell them quite calmly; our baby, our rules or don't come. It's not that we don't appreciate the visit but this is non negotiable until baby has been vaccinated.

Say it pleasantly, with a smile. If they don't like it, tough.

Repeat as necessary

You can go hardline and ask them why they are so determined to handle your baby without good hand hygiene.... if they have to explain themselves then they have to think about their choice.

I suspect their reticence is more to do with the hand gel than the washing as they probably think it's overkill which actually it is: hand gel is actually unnecessary if you wash your hands with warm soapy properly.

Hand gel originated in hospitals as a physical prop to prove to the public the NHS was taking hygiene seriously. It's actually pretty useless on anything except coughs and colds. Hot water and soap is the way to go.

ChiaraRimini · 03/03/2020 18:30

Sounds like a good reason to avoid the in-laws to me.
Most people don't wash their hands well enough to remove germs so it's not really a battle worth fighting

ChiaraRimini · 03/03/2020 18:30

PS unless you think the ILs have diphtheria, polio etc then the vaccinations aren't going to make any difference ...

bigfootfred · 03/03/2020 18:36

I would wash my hands before holding an new born and have to avoid them when I have cold sores.
I thought washing hands would be normal with a very young baby obviously once older and out and about I probably wouldn't think of it.

I do live in the countryside with pets tho so wash hands a lot!

Skysblue · 03/03/2020 18:49

When mine was newborn, everyone who visited washed their hands before holding him - without being asked. Including inlaws. I thought that was basic hygiene around a newborn.

Particularly sensitive to it now as I know someone whose child was born healthy but picked up an infection in first few days and the baby died sadly.

Yanbu.

MisschanandelerBong · 03/03/2020 18:49

I totally understand. I'm due in April with my first and can feel myself already freaking out because of this Coronavirus shit.
I would just put emphasis on the Coronavirus stuff... and use this as the reason for asking for hand washing? Even say your midwife has advised? Try not to let their opinion of you asking them to wash their hands bother you. It's all over the news about the importance of it now.
A school near mine has closed for like a week because someone's bloody nan has been confirmed to have this virus. It is serious. But easily preventable in your own home. Do what you have to do for your peace of mind. You're a new mum and it's OK to be cautious. It's now your job. This is your first hurdle with putting your foot down. They'll get over it.

PotholeParadise · 03/03/2020 21:21

SinkGirl

What concerns me about this thread is how many people think babies actually need to be exposed to everything going from birth and how that impacts their actions. Some people here should spend some time in a PICU and see a newborn with a virus.

I agree. I wonder what proportion of admissions amongst very young babies are actually caused by this stupid idea that newborns benefit from being exposed to viruses in the so-called 4th trimester.

SinkGirl · 03/03/2020 23:28

PS unless you think the ILs have diphtheria, polio etc then the vaccinations aren't going to make any difference

FFS. Newborn vaccinations include whooping cough and rotavirus, and Hib bacteria which cause all sorts of illnesses in babies from pneumonia to meningitis.

In adults, whooping cough is usually mild. Rotavirus can have no symptoms at all.

Maybe educate yourself before making ignorant comments. My son could have died when he contracted whooping cough. He couldn’t breathe. It was genuinely horrific. Whoever gave it to him probably thought they just had a cough.

SinkGirl · 03/03/2020 23:29

It’s an alarming thought Pothole. We had two months in NICU - parents came in with bugs all the time, it was quite shocking.

AmateurDad · 03/03/2020 23:52

Don’t be ridiculous.

Of course you don’t need to wash your hands just before holding a baby - still less “sanitise” them. What on earth do you think people did before they were invented?

In any event, babies need contact with viruses etc to build resistance (the same way a vaccine works). Calm down!!!

DropYourSword · 03/03/2020 23:54

Newborns don’t, @amateurdad.