To be livid about hand hygiene offence?

[Yummymummy2020]

To cut it short but rant. Partners family taking offence at being asked to use hand sanitiser or wash hands before handling our new baby. Particular offence taken at asking the children to use it. I know I’m not unreasonable wanting hand hygiene to be followed before touching our new born, but I feel like really distancing myself from them over this. It’s not just about the corona virus I’m concerned about the baby picking up anything as they are so young. To add to this, certain members are living with a currently sick person which I feel makes it even more crucial to ensure their hands are clean. Would it be really unreasonable to just keep away until the baby has their vaccinations? I know this won’t solve colds/flu but at least the child can have calpol if they do get sick. I’m also annoyed for being called odd by them for wanting them to make sure to use the gel or wash their hands. I have the gel by the way I’m not demanding anyone track it down. I’m livid right now so don’t want to say/ act on anything in haste!

First baby.

You'll get over it.

I can see why they'd think it a bit OTT, but not why they'd take offence or cause a "fight" over it. Is it causing significant conflict?

OP I go everywhere on public transport

As soon as I get where I’m going, I wash my hands thoroughly.

I wouldn’t dream of picking up baby till I had done that.

Washing your hands before holding a newborn is standard isn’t it?

It's not something I've ever come across.

Is this a recent thing? My youngest is 8 and it wasn't ever mentioned by midwives or anything at that stage - they certainly didn't wash their hands before handling him.

Is it advised now?

Your 100% right OP..

Some people's hand hygiene is shocking

They either wash their hands with soap and water or they dont touch the baby. Simple!

Do what you feel is best.

My sister took massive offence though when her child was a bit older.

I saw her 5 yo child stick his hand down pants and have a good old scratch of his arse and I told him to go and wash his hand before coming and touching me with those hands. My sister saw him do it and she still. thought I was unreasonable.

I wouldnt have him in my lap with a cold as I didnt want his dirty snotty hands being wiped on me

When they get a bit older it is adults that have more risk of getting an infection children than vice versa.

You'll be embarrassed about this in a few years but it's your family and if you're happy to alienate then that's fine.

Perhaps I am out of date (my kids are in their 20s) but it would never ever have occurred to me to ask people to wash their hands before touching a baby. Are midwives actually advising that now. I can’t imagine how the human race has survived up to now.

However given the corona virus is in the public consciousness maybe use that as a reason.

Peoples hygiene has alot to do with why bugs spread so much.

Disgusting humans

Not at all unreasonable, I felt the same with our baby and I remember having a similar discussing with my DH. In the end, I said we were advised by the health visitor that people should wash their hands before holding newborns. What makes me feel really uneasy is when people pet their dog, and let it lick their hand and then want to hold the newborn baby...

When DD2 was 3_weeks old, she must have picked up a infection from somewhere as she ended up in hospital with septic arthritis. We were told it was caused by picking up something which wouldn't have been serious if she were older.

She was on in hospital for a week, then home getting daily visits from a nurse for a further 5 weeks getting IV antibotics. Because she was so little her canular had to be resighted every 4 or 5 days.

It wasn't a good time.

If I were to have another one, everybody would be washing their hands and the baby would not be passed around like a bag of sugar.

Ohhh I was totally lax too, @WorraLiberty. And I got more lax with each child - but thankfully they seem to have survived my parenting and reached adulthood.

I once let toddler ds1 eat tortilla chips from the bin. He was deep in the terrible twos, and had been tantrumming for best part of an hour (after a 90 minute scream-fest the night before), and I was on my last nerve - and on the phone to dh in tears because I couldn’t cope - and then it went quiet.

As quiet is always a bad sign with toddlers, I rang off and went to investigate, to find ds1 at the bin, eating some left-over tortilla chips dh and I had thrown away the previous night. But that isn’t the worst part - I knew that, if I took him away from his delicious bin-snack, he’d have another tantrum, and I couldn’t face it, so I let him carry on until he got bored and wandered off - and then I emptied the bin and found a better place to keep it.

Sorry - thread derail.

My parents/ brother always make a fuss when I ask them to take their shoes off at the door. 'Our shoes aren't dirty.' Well, yes they bloody are. You've been in the street and are carrying poo and spit germs into my house, as well as foot trafficking all over my cream carpets.

Why can't people separate calling environments/situations dirty from you attacking them as a person, Ffs. Whatever happened to etiquette and respecting house rules.

Opinion seems very split.
Personally I think YABU. It has never occurred to me to ask anyone to wash hands before holding my babies...not has it occurred to me to wash hands before holding anyone else’s. 1 friend asked me once politely would I mind using sanitiser as baby had only just left ICU (prem) and they were “still a bit paranoid”. I didn’t mind at all especially as she had asked nicely and there was a reason to be extra cautious. If your baby is healthy I don’t think you need to worry.
Having said that, if it’s something that bothers you, you have every right to ask it.
If I was your family I would be thinking you were a bit over the top about it though tbh.

Just keep up the hand washing and ignore the suggestion that it’s ott. For the record I have five children and think it’s TOTALLY normal to want to avoid colds in a new born. I’d go as far as to say those being gung-ho about it probably have little experience with babies and don’t understand the impact of blocked noses and feeling grotty on new norms.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I think I would've taken the opportunity to chuck some salad in there

Washing your hands before holding a newborn is standard isn’t it?

Is it? All my friends' babies are now hale and hearty teenagers but I don't recall any deliberate hand washing being a prerequisite (nor for my siblings' assorted children).

And anyway, you're then going to pick it up and hold it up against your clothes/body which aren't likely to be a fresh set of sterile scrubs either...

(Obvs common sense if sick or actually grubby etc)

It’s interesting to read people saying “oh is this a new thing” I won’t touch a newborn or let my kids do so without all washing our hands - it was drilled into me as a child by my MW mother & she trained in the 60s!!

I wouldn’t use alcohol gel on small children though - one tiny paper cut or a graze & there will be tears!

Your baby - Your rules. 🤷‍♀️😁

Your baby, your rules. If you want people to wash their hands before handling your child, regardless of it being your first or twenty first, ask them to wash hands.
My DD (born prem) was hospitalised with IV antibiotics, O2, etc because she caught a virus off someone. She was 3 weeks old and hadn't been out. I had "relatives" - my monstrous in laws tell me to get over myself because I asked them to wash hands. My family did it automatically without me asking.

Peoples hygiene has alot to do with why bugs spread so much.

Yes, some people's fanatical obsession with eradicating every single last germ has left them unable to deal with common sniffles etc.

"And anyway, you're then going to pick it up and hold it up against your clothes/body which aren't likely to be a fresh set of sterile scrubs either.."

We have a layer of bacteria, good and bad, on our skin that allows germs to survive and multiply whereas clothes they wouldn't. The growth conditions are completely different.

YANBU. I was 'odd' for asking some of my in-laws to stay away from my newborn when they had the flu. I used to say to others when they got to the house 'do you want to use the sink or do you have gel?' My best mate's baby got very sick when her uncle (who had a cold) thoughtlessly kissed her, cuddled her etc. She ended up in hospital, feeding tube, breathing tubes etc. Now my best mate has a sign on the pram saying 'your germs are too big for me!'

The healthiest of all my siblings is number 5- who was hauled around by his four elders brothers and sisters and various cousins. That child is now early 20s and has NEVER been ill, bar a couple of colds.
That said, it's your house, your baby and your in laws should respect your wishes.

Amazed at all the people saying YABU. Where we live it is completely standard to wash your hands before handling a new born. Newborns can end up in the Special Care Unit if they get a virus.

If you are still asking them to do this when the baby is, say, 8 months old, then I would say you are being unreasonable. But definitely not with a newborn.

My pet hate was MIL handing DS her bunch of keys/car key which have been everywhere and never sanitised ever when he was a couple of months old. And people huffing and puffing about removing their shoes but that's a whole other issue.