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Original poster

To have not had a text from him yet?

192 replies

Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 18:40

So I’ve had two really good dates with this guy (i think they were good). After the first date, well even on it he was tipsy and saying he had a really good time and would like to see again. On his way home texting similar and the next day we arranged the second date for the following weekend.

Had the second date which i thought was really nice, spent about 6 hours together until late and kissed. He did wrap this date up as he said he was up early and it was early hours. Now he hasnt been in touch at all and this was on friday night.

Do people think that perhaps he’s not as keen? My friends seem to think its not a good sign and usually I’m relaxed about things like this but actually really liked him so it is bothering me which i know is a bit needy, so please give me impartial advice on whether to just forget about him and get some other dates liked up? Basically am i being unreasonable to have expected a text from him if he is keen?

OP posts:
incognitomum · 01/03/2020 22:30

Aw that's a shame he didn't reply.

RuffleCrow · 01/03/2020 22:34

The thing is @leflic because we ģet so invested so soon, for me at least, not texting is not knowing and not doing. And not doing makes me feel powerless like i'm in limbo. And texting is active rather than passive so it helps me out of my limbo. It makes it easier to say "next!"

katy1213 · 01/03/2020 22:47

Give him a chance! It was Friday and he's been busy.

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2020 22:50

Yes but busy to text does mean he isn’t that bothered

katy1213 · 01/03/2020 22:52

And you're not in limbo because man you barely know hasn't been in touch! You have a busy life that he may/may not fit into once you know him better. There's no hurry.

Kraejka · 01/03/2020 22:55

I think you are overthinking this.
He either likes you or he doesn't. He'll text or he won't.
If something develops out of this it will become clear with time.
I say this as someone who, in the past, has spent (wasted) far too much time thinking about what men are thinking and trying to second guess all the time. I am taking a much more relaxed attitude these days and it's much better.

If I've had a good time with someone and felt there was some chemistry I'd send them a short text and see what happens from there. If they don't reply, they don't reply. If they do, good.
If the guy texts first, great.
In any case, I'm not sitting around thinking about what they are thinking. It's wasting precious time and energy and it can't change anything.

Just leave it now. Get on with whatever you have going on in your life. If he does like you he'll let you know and you've texted him anyway so there's nothing more to be done.

Shamazing · 01/03/2020 22:59

Everybody seems to want everything instantly these days, even text replies FFS.

Crunchymum · 01/03/2020 23:01

Let's be honest here.

We all get WhatsApp messages and there is a "hierarchy of reply"

School group = reply if I absolutely have to
Distant friend = reply when I am bored
Family = reply when I can
Good friends = reply immediately if need be or at leisure if not (they'll understand)
Someone I want to shag: reply as soon as I can without looking desperate

MintyMabel · 01/03/2020 23:20

I recall a second date I had a gazillion years ago when the guy said he”d been waiting ages for me to call, jumping when the phone rang and all that. I had also been waiting for him to call (because all my mates said I should) and when he didn’t after a few days, I called him (despite them all warning me not to, I”d scare him off blah blah blah) I asked why he didn’t call and he said all his mates told him not to as he would appear too needy and keen.

It’s not a game, you wanted to text him so you texted him. If he’s scared off by a text two days after a second date then he isn’t the guy for you. Who wants to spend their time with someone when they are afraid to do something in case they don’t like it?

I wouldn’t write him off for not responding in a couple of hours though. Not everyone is glued to their phone.

I’d love a thread of all the people who’ve done OLD recently, felt like a guy wasn’t into them, chased him with texts that he took ages to answer and then had a successful relation with him.

Can it be my boyfriend from twenty years ago who is now my husband? Met online, set up a date that he cancelled twice. Third time lucky, had a brilliant date but then he disappeared. Texted him a few times but got no response. Wrote it off as one of those things but he came back to me two weeks later, full of apologies. He was working away overseas, it hadn’t occurred to him to mention he was going as it was only supposed to be a couple of days but turned in to a fortnight. Back in the day it was insanely expensive to call or text from abroad so he didn’t. Every single person I spoke to about it said he just wasn’t interested. Not saying my situation is commonplace, but it does happen.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 02/03/2020 01:45

I've not RTFT. But when I was dating, I learned that if he wanted to be with you, he'd text or call.

To have not had a text from him yet?
h3av3n · 02/03/2020 04:21

Personally I wouldn't text, if he wants to he can make the effort. Also you've only been on 2 dates, I think you should keep your options open and focus on yourself

Sushiroller · 02/03/2020 07:29

Agree with GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery

I'd bet half the "how do you know he is waiting for you to text" brigade haven't extensively online dated.
Every guy i actually was in a proper relationship with (inc my now fiance) wanted to lock it in asap and was messaging multiple times per day. A weekend with no messaging just didn't happen.

It depresses me slightly to admit it but following up and chasing myself never ever panned out well. When i did, i just ended up wasting a lot of time on guys who were not that interested 🤷‍♀️ Just my 2p

RestaurantoffBroadway · 02/03/2020 09:01

seems like in modern online dating if you text, you risk attracting the wrong people who will string you along and fuck you over, AS WELL as all the nice blokes who might well have texted you anyway. (The same logical argument as self-id & access to women's spaces, but that's a side observation!)

If you don't text, you immediately weed out the arseholes, but you might lose the odd nice bloke who either doesn't know that convention or is just too shy.

Which is the worse risk?

Hadalifeonce · 02/03/2020 09:07

Tell me if I've missed something; you went on a date, the guy told you the next morning he was going to the gym early, then a stag weekend......
And you're upset he hasn't sent a text?
Really........... think about it 'Sorry guys, in the middle of our stag weekend, I've got to text this girl I've had 2 dates with, or she might get pissed off'!

mrsleftie · 02/03/2020 09:21

@Hadalifeonce hardly!!! It takes 30 seconds to send a quick "really enjoyed our date Hope we can arrange another when I'm back" not hard is it.

Connie222 · 02/03/2020 09:27

I agree with the other posters who have said if it’s right then there is never any hassle.

I’ve had loads of bollocks like this in my life and with Dh it was fine from the beginning. No game playing, no hanging around wondering if I should text. It all just fell into place.

SomethingBlue22 · 02/03/2020 09:57

Met my OH online. It was just natural from the beginning. I messaged him first. We met up and messaged afterwards probably on the same day. I didn't have to think about playing games and neither did he.

I've been on dates where the man was interested and I wasn't and he texted the same night.

A blind date I went on where we clearly had nothing in common texted me the next day to say he wasn't interested in meeting up again.

I know it's not the done thing to say it now but it still holds true, if a man likes you, you'll know about it.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 02/03/2020 10:31

Meh it doesn't matter who txts first....youve txt him now...he's not replied though could be a genuine reason but if he's lost his phone etc he could have contacted you online. He probably got lucky on the stag do and felt guilty maybe. I think fuck him his loss. Unless he's in hospital or something #clutchingatstraws

TheNoiseHurts · 02/03/2020 10:41

You don't sound like hard work.

This is common and one thing I used to absolutely hate about dating.

Being hungover on a Sunday with only the thoughts in your head is the worst.

I've been there.

Konicek007 · 02/03/2020 10:42

Did he reply?

I had some share of dating and I must agree that if you text first- you gonna always keep texting him.
In my past- I did both . Texted first and also waited to be texted.
When I texted first, it always end up badly. He clearly was not into me.
When I waited for a text - I was flooded with texts.
If someone it’s into you - he will let you know.

TheYearOfTheDog · 02/03/2020 15:06

I think eventually you stop caring. If I dated now the men would be like characters in a movie until they followed up. I just had zero energy for nothing but disappointment ever coming out of anything. And that was the so called good dates.
My last bf, i was mad about him but after we'd been out i felt curiosity not hope. Real progress for me. I just wondered "how will this pan out". I did nothing to encourage it.

mrsleftie · 02/03/2020 15:08

Heard anything from him?

caperplips · 02/03/2020 15:13

Has he replied yet?

bbpet · 02/03/2020 17:46

Did he text back?

Original poster
Thursday12 · 02/03/2020 18:21

No he didn’t text back, I think I already had a sense which is probably why I was more disappointed yesterday, but now its fine plenty more fish ey. It’s just so boring online dating isn’t it!

OP posts:
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