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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not had a text from him yet?

192 replies

Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 18:40

So I’ve had two really good dates with this guy (i think they were good). After the first date, well even on it he was tipsy and saying he had a really good time and would like to see again. On his way home texting similar and the next day we arranged the second date for the following weekend.

Had the second date which i thought was really nice, spent about 6 hours together until late and kissed. He did wrap this date up as he said he was up early and it was early hours. Now he hasnt been in touch at all and this was on friday night.

Do people think that perhaps he’s not as keen? My friends seem to think its not a good sign and usually I’m relaxed about things like this but actually really liked him so it is bothering me which i know is a bit needy, so please give me impartial advice on whether to just forget about him and get some other dates liked up? Basically am i being unreasonable to have expected a text from him if he is keen?

OP posts:
Tillyfloss1 · 01/03/2020 21:29

At least you know now and you've not wasted your time waiting for his text (driving yourself mad thinking of reasons why he's not texted...) you had a couple of nice dates but he wasn't the one for you. Chin up Smile

mrsdede · 01/03/2020 21:30

Good on you - sod him

^^ this! And don't reply when he messages you, despite what people on here say. He will just be bored or his new interest has ditched him.

sonjadog · 01/03/2020 21:31

I really don't think sending someone one text a couple of days later is "chasing him with texts". I think we can all agree that that is not a good thing to do, but someone who is so concerned with being the pursuer that he cannot stand a woman sending him a single text? Nah, he wouldn't be the man for me.

RuffleCrow · 01/03/2020 21:37

Yeah just text him. For heavens sake it's 2020!

I used follow 'the rules' play it cool always let the man do the chasing. Do you know what i ended up with? A man who enjoyed chasing. Not the right man for me.

Nowadays if i like someone i let them know. I'll be honest it hasn't had much success, but then it wouldn't have worked out if i'd been a shrinking violet either.

RuffleCrow · 01/03/2020 21:43

Sorry missed where you said you'd texted

chatterbugmegastar · 01/03/2020 21:43

Ime (some/most) men like to chase. They don't like women who do the chasing. Of course that's not true for all men. But use the rule I work by

In your story, OP - I would not have texted, and would have given up on him by lunchtime today.

Then I'd have sorted out another date/drink with my best friend for this evening

WineThanks

Cinammoncake · 01/03/2020 21:43

Texting or not texting is not as important as not becoming overly invested in someone you've only known five minutes. It's more about keeping yourself busy with your own life and not letting one man you barely know take up too much of your headspace imo.

slashlover · 01/03/2020 21:45

In your story, OP - I would not have texted, and would have given up on him by lunchtime today.

So he hadn't text in 36 hours and you'd have get rid of him? Even though OP said he was busy?

RuffleCrow · 01/03/2020 21:48

But it wasn't her texting that made him uninterested! It was his lack of interest that led her to text.

Men aren't these timid creatures whose dicks shrivel up the second a woman texts, y'know. Either they like us or they don't. Texting won't turn like into dislike. As long as it doesn't say "MARRY ME!!!!!"

Leflic · 01/03/2020 21:55

The reason we say “ don’t text” insn’t because we live in the 1950’s but because generally women become more invested more quickly.
Therefore letting the blokes that like us do the work, means we aren’t overinvested in a no hoper.
What’s the point in texting. They like you or not. You’ll know if they text.Assume they couldn’t give a shit p,

slashlover · 01/03/2020 21:56

Men aren't these timid creatures whose dicks shrivel up the second a woman texts, y'know. Either they like us or they don't. Texting won't turn like into dislike. As long as it doesn't say "MARRY ME!!!!!"

THIS. Also, if a guy is put off by a woman sending a single text first then is that a guy you would want to be with anyway?

slashlover · 01/03/2020 21:59

What’s the point in texting. They like you or not. You’ll know if they text.Assume they couldn’t give a shit p,

You're acting as if a guy texting is an indicator, for all you know he could be texting multiple women anyway. He could send a text to 5 different women in the space of an advert break. A guy sending a text first means nothing.

OneTimePrepper · 01/03/2020 22:00

You messaged him at 7pm and after no reply already binned him off at 8:30pm. Newsflash for you. Not all men live with their mobile phone surgically attached to their hands. Indeed many I know as friends can go days before responding to a simple message.

You sound like a bloody knightmare.

mrsdede · 01/03/2020 22:05

@OneTimePrepper he's been/he is online. So he's not bothered to reply

MiniMum97 · 01/03/2020 22:05

This is all very weird. I have dated for a long time but you never would have heard from someone the next day. Way too needy. 3 days at least. He's also at a stag. I'd leave it until tomorrow at least. And don't ask him. Just something light lie ask how his weekend was.

MiniMum97 · 01/03/2020 22:07

Sorry just read your update.

Lynda07 · 01/03/2020 22:07

You saw him on Friday night and it's only Sunday, is that really a big deal especially as in the interim he was going to a stag.

Aridane · 01/03/2020 22:07

It's not games by not texting. It's common sense. Why chase after someone? You're setting the relationship to fail. I wish I could shout this from the rooftops, if he fancies you, he will text you!!

If you chase him, you'll spend the whole relationship playing the pick me dance.

Everyone deserves someone who wants to see them, to text them, to spend time with them.

I could not agree less with @WhiteBadger

Sending a text is hardly chasing

We have moved on from the times of Jane Austen!

Leflic · 01/03/2020 22:09

You're acting as if a guy texting is an indicator, for all you know he could be texting multiple women anyway. He could send a text to 5 different women in the space of an advert break. A guy sending a text first means nothing.

Quite. But at least he’s doing something, Not you. You are doing something more than worrying about texting him.

Sunflower20 · 01/03/2020 22:14

Please don't chase him OP. It's just the way things are. So many guys have given me the same advice - if a guy is interested, he will 100% get in touch with you.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/03/2020 22:22

Men will make an effort with women that they are really interested in. Women that they aren't as interested in, they will hang around long enough for sex.

I don't usually mention my sex on MN (Lo, I have arrived :-) but sometimes it's hysterical reading advice on what blokes think. Men are as varied as women in their approach to relationships.

He will have had the same advice about playing games cool. He may be just as insecure about seeming too keen. Ultimately silly rules will not stop you being treated poorly by a dickhead, only self-respect can do that; but if both parties follow the rules it could lead to missed opportunity.

Giving the impression of playing games can be offputting in itself, just do what feels right and it's his loss if that isn't what he's looking for.

Fatasfooook · 01/03/2020 22:22

He’s on a stag do! He’l be in touch in a day or two. Chill out

OhioOhioOhio · 01/03/2020 22:26

Don't text him.

HannaYeah · 01/03/2020 22:26

I met my DH through OLD. Couldn’t have messed it up if I tried. We just clicked.

I think generally, men prefer to pursue. But also don’t know a single person who played games with a person and ended up happily married to them.

OP if he is not interested, it’s not really something to feel terrible about - it just wasn’t meant to be.

Largeyellowdaffodil · 01/03/2020 22:30

He’s been online so no for me that’s enough of a sign

I have been online at different times from 7 am today- but I left my phone on the bedside table this morning and haven't looked at it once. That doesn't mean anything.