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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not had a text from him yet?

192 replies

Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 18:40

So I’ve had two really good dates with this guy (i think they were good). After the first date, well even on it he was tipsy and saying he had a really good time and would like to see again. On his way home texting similar and the next day we arranged the second date for the following weekend.

Had the second date which i thought was really nice, spent about 6 hours together until late and kissed. He did wrap this date up as he said he was up early and it was early hours. Now he hasnt been in touch at all and this was on friday night.

Do people think that perhaps he’s not as keen? My friends seem to think its not a good sign and usually I’m relaxed about things like this but actually really liked him so it is bothering me which i know is a bit needy, so please give me impartial advice on whether to just forget about him and get some other dates liked up? Basically am i being unreasonable to have expected a text from him if he is keen?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2020 20:03

I don’t think it’s a bad sign today of all days for him not to respond. He may not see your text until tomorrow because of the stag. I do agree from my rusty experience, if he’s keen, he won’t leave you in any doubt. I hope you get your answer.

WhiteBadger · 01/03/2020 20:03

@ponoka7 I always think that when I read some of the advice on these kind of threads!!

justshutthedoor · 01/03/2020 20:04

He's not into you. Texting him first just prolongs the inevitable

TheYearOfTheDog · 01/03/2020 20:05

Sadly I agree @mrsdede and I wish I hadn't wasted a few years online dating, believing that I didn't want to date anybody who wanted to do all the chasing, I wanted to be able to have control over who I wanted to pursue. But my dating experiences over a few years taught me that in the end, it's pretty futile as you end up with the men who are like 'yeh, you can hang out with me, you can cook me dinner, you can suck my dick''. Obviously I'm being extremely flippant there. But if you want to know who's interested in you in a focused authentic way then step back, focus on everything else in your life. Once you're a little bit more established you can say what you require, ie, regular communication. But in the early days if you want to know if he's genuinely interested in you or just wandering about like a puppy parking his penis where it's convenient, then PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

This used to infuriate me and it still does in a way because I want to be the one who decides who I want to be with. But ironically trying less gets more results.

Sunshineand · 01/03/2020 20:06

If he says we must meet up sometime don't respond to that.
Yes, I agree with this. You've made the first move so he now needs to come back with specific plans, not just a general 'we must meet up', otherwise you're the one chasing.

SwishSwishBisch · 01/03/2020 20:08

#1 if you had a good date, you should’ve text him to say so straight after the date. There’s no harm in doing that, and if that’s all you say In the text then you also leave it open to him to initiate another date.

#2 you didn’t do this, and neither did he. To my mind, that probably means this is going nowhere. After a couple of dates you both should be keen to see each other again. Doesn’t seem like you are.

TheYearOfTheDog · 01/03/2020 20:08

@Ponoka7 yes, exactly, I"m not saying 'this is brilliant for women the way things are''. But the reality is as @justshutthedoor says, you prolong the being messed around if you text THEM
Step back. Forget about him. Date other people. Do other stuff.

Likethebattle · 01/03/2020 20:11

I hate these games!

Hellohellohi · 01/03/2020 20:19

Good luck op

justshutthedoor · 01/03/2020 20:22

I dated an absolute ton before I met my husband. The keen ones always texted the same night like as I was walking away. Even the ones that waited until next day fell by the wayside. I never texted them first ever. If you do that and they don't really like you, one if two things will happen. No. 1 they will not text back or tell you they're not interested ( this is actually better than no.2). No. 2 they will string you a long because they know you're super keen and will provide an ego stroke and probably sex until he finds something better.
People call not texting first playing games I call it valuing yourself

Honeyroar · 01/03/2020 20:23

I hope you’ve had a reply.

Original poster
Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 20:26

Nope no reply sadly! But thats the answer for me so will forget him now

OP posts:
mrsdede · 01/03/2020 20:29

You'll have people coming along saying you've not given him enough time to reply, but trust your instincts on this op. You will know when it's right.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 20:31

@Thursday12 tbh after the weekend he had I would not expect reply till tomorrow. If I were in his place, I would be probably already sleeping now

mrsdede · 01/03/2020 20:35

Yes @WalkingDeadTrainee , having a night out means you can't pic your phone up and are in bed my half 8. Come on

Eckhart · 01/03/2020 20:37

You're very quick to decide, OP. I'd give the guy a chance to reply. You like him, and it took you from Fri til Sunday to text. He might be suffering a monumental hangover or something. You can't expect him to jump the second you click your fingers. You've only been on two dates. If you were the centre of his life at this point, that'd be more worrying. I think you're being a bit obsessive.

Randomname85 · 01/03/2020 20:37

Nope no reply sadly! But thats the answer for me so will forget him now

It’s only been about an hour give him a chance!! He could have had an extremely heavy stag weekend and could be sleeping it off. Try to put it to the back of your mind but you need to actually give him longer than an hour to respond!

Delicatelyscentedflavour · 01/03/2020 20:43

I wouldn’t bother.

LawnsLT · 01/03/2020 20:43

You seem hardwork OP....
Should I shouldn’t I...then you do and because he doesn’t automatically reply that’s your answer...

Hellohellohi · 01/03/2020 20:49

Give it more time op. No answer is an answer but it’s not over yet .

Honeyroar · 01/03/2020 20:49

No matter how knackered and hung over he is he could text a quick hello, sorry having a busy weekend, will text tomorrow type reply. I agree OP, I’d be fed up too.

DimplesMcGee · 01/03/2020 20:49

Ffs. Just text him. I did none of this messing about when I met DH - we liked each other, we texted, we didn’t play games.

If he doesn’t like you, one text from you won’t make him like you. If he does like you, one text from you won’t stop him liking you. Unless he’s a game playing cunt, in which case - you’re better off without him.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 01/03/2020 20:51

If he messages you tomorrow saying sorry I was asleep or something dont believe him

RUOKHon · 01/03/2020 20:52

It wasn’t a great sign that he wrapped the date up because of an early gym session. In my hard-earned experience, if he’s really into you he’ll stay the night and go to the gym on no sleep.

On mine and DH’s second date we spent the night together, barely slept a wink Blush and then we were both out of his house at the crack of dawn the next day to go to our respective jobs. Then we saw each other again that evening.

When someone’s really into you, you’ll know.

DimplesMcGee · 01/03/2020 20:52

Ah ok, you have texted. So if he doesn’t reply, at least you can move on quickly!