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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not had a text from him yet?

192 replies

Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 18:40

So I’ve had two really good dates with this guy (i think they were good). After the first date, well even on it he was tipsy and saying he had a really good time and would like to see again. On his way home texting similar and the next day we arranged the second date for the following weekend.

Had the second date which i thought was really nice, spent about 6 hours together until late and kissed. He did wrap this date up as he said he was up early and it was early hours. Now he hasnt been in touch at all and this was on friday night.

Do people think that perhaps he’s not as keen? My friends seem to think its not a good sign and usually I’m relaxed about things like this but actually really liked him so it is bothering me which i know is a bit needy, so please give me impartial advice on whether to just forget about him and get some other dates liked up? Basically am i being unreasonable to have expected a text from him if he is keen?

OP posts:
DecemberSnow · 01/03/2020 20:53

Thats your answer? Really...

He could be asleep... Out... At the cinema, Reading... Anything...

Christ, Do you normally expect a response straight away?

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 20:56

@mrsdede I am bit ashamed to admit that last few years. Yes. Having 2 nights out (fri and sat) and training would put me in a coma for 2 daysBlush

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/03/2020 20:59

If a man is interested you won’t be able to keep him away. You really won’t need to wonder whether he likes you or not as his feelings will be clear.

I find this attitude so dated. Men aren't all the same. They don't all think the same or act the same. Men are just as likely as women to have insecurities and to wonder if the woman is actually interested in him! It's just not a case of some caveman attitude that he fancies her so he'll chase her.

It's the 21st century. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman texting first.

Syrinx89 · 01/03/2020 20:59

@hundredmilesanhour THIS!

Sexnotgender · 01/03/2020 21:00

Fucking hell, glad I’m not dating anymore some ridiculous game playing advised here.

If you like him text, if you don’t don’t. And give him more than a bloody hour to respond before writing him off😏

Jeds55 · 01/03/2020 21:08

@HundredMilesAnHour Spot on
Glad you've texted OP, much easier way to find our ifthoz has a future than waiting for him to text/asking a load of strangers

Michaelbaubles · 01/03/2020 21:08

I’d love a thread of all the people who’ve done OLD recently, felt like a guy wasn’t into them, chased him with texts that he took ages to answer and then had a successful relation with him. Because according to the advice here, this should happen all the time.

It’s never happened to me...anyone?

And no, not your boyfriend from 20 years ago either.

JudyCoolibar · 01/03/2020 21:09

Rather than texting, you could always go mad and phone him.

Shamazing · 01/03/2020 21:10

So he hasn't replied within a couple of hours. So what? My phone is hardly every on me and I often don't even see texts til a few hours later.

Angelw · 01/03/2020 21:10

Mean old sod! Forget him, whatever the case I think he didn’t like you second time round. It’s ok but I wouldn’t have txted him
First. If someone is in love they don’t wait long to txt you and tell you have much they enjoyed the date. Good luck, it will happen sometime just keep the faith.

Shamazing · 01/03/2020 21:12

Rather than texting, you could always go mad and phone him.

Bloody hell @JudyCoolibar what madness is this, you'll send them all mad. Women must never phone men dontcha know ...

DimplesMcGee · 01/03/2020 21:16

There’s a massive difference between “chasing him with texts” and sending one text after a date. I don’t think anyone has suggested a bombardment.

And fwiw, I met my husband on Match eight years ago, I “winked” at him first, we’re now happily married with a child, a mortgage and a very happy relationship. So I speak from my own experience.

Shakirawannabe · 01/03/2020 21:16

I could be wrong here but I have got from your op that he was quite different ending the first dye to the second.

The first date he made plans to see you again but at the end of the second he ended the night with an 'I have to be up early' excuse and didn't say he wanted to see you again or arrange anything.

Maybe that was his shuttle way of letting you know there's not another date

I hope I'm wrong as you clearly like him

Wilmalovescake · 01/03/2020 21:16

This thread is madness.

You went out Friday night. He’s been on a stag weekend.

Just CHILL.

Original poster
Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 21:19

I do understand people saying i sound hard work haha I think it being a sunday and hungover and home alone myself has given me too much time to think, not that i tend to do this all the time. He’s been online so no for me that’s enough of a sign, which is fair enough if he isn’t interested I’d much rather that than get led on, I may sound too quick to judge but I know what traits are important and like people have said I want someone to want to contact me, so I’ll wait for that person!

OP posts:
SallySun123 · 01/03/2020 21:20

For the people who think you need a penis to send a txt message then you’re doing it wrong.

mrsdede · 01/03/2020 21:21

How is it dated advice? I'm late twenties. All my friends are also late twenties. None of us around in the 50s, and all of us know that if a man is interested they make it clear.
If they can't pick the phone up once in 48 hours to send a 'hi how you doing' message, they arnt serious.

It may not be nice, but it certainly isn't dated. It's how it is.

Confusedasusual78 · 01/03/2020 21:23

It was only two days ago, it’s not playing games not to text, just don’t text, see what happens. If/when he does text, be happy and pleased to hear from him, occupy yourself until then

mrsdede · 01/03/2020 21:24

Or does the current, modern day, interested man not make any contact with woman he's dating, whilst being online, oh and ignores her message. Makes sense.

londonrach · 01/03/2020 21:26

I dont see the the not text argument...text had time fri hope you having nice weekend and then leave it do not text again!

londonrach · 01/03/2020 21:26

Nice time

slashlover · 01/03/2020 21:26

I may sound too quick to judge but I know what traits are important and like people have said I want someone to want to contact me, so I’ll wait for that person!

It's been 48 hours, you messaged him and he didn't reply immediately. TBH wanting that much contact after 2 dates would be a bit intense for me.

DimplesMcGee · 01/03/2020 21:27

I’d love a thread of all the people who’ve done OLD recently, felt like a guy wasn’t into them, chased him with texts that he took ages to answer and then had a successful relation with him. Because according to the advice here, this should happen all the time.

I wonder how many of you advising the OP not to text have met their husband by OLD, successfully using the “he must chase me” mindset? Truth is, if he likes you, you texting won’t put him off so what’s the harm? At least then you’re not sitting there staring at your phone after the date.

Neverender · 01/03/2020 21:27

Good on you - sod him

Frownette · 01/03/2020 21:28

Just enjoy the rest of your evening OP