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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not had a text from him yet?

192 replies

Thursday12 · 01/03/2020 18:40

So I’ve had two really good dates with this guy (i think they were good). After the first date, well even on it he was tipsy and saying he had a really good time and would like to see again. On his way home texting similar and the next day we arranged the second date for the following weekend.

Had the second date which i thought was really nice, spent about 6 hours together until late and kissed. He did wrap this date up as he said he was up early and it was early hours. Now he hasnt been in touch at all and this was on friday night.

Do people think that perhaps he’s not as keen? My friends seem to think its not a good sign and usually I’m relaxed about things like this but actually really liked him so it is bothering me which i know is a bit needy, so please give me impartial advice on whether to just forget about him and get some other dates liked up? Basically am i being unreasonable to have expected a text from him if he is keen?

OP posts:
Cinammoncake · 01/03/2020 18:58

Leave it till midweek. By which time he'll probably have texted you anyway.

Cinammoncake · 01/03/2020 18:59

Oops X post!

moofolk · 01/03/2020 19:01

I don't get why people say don't text, but he should text.

Is this standard in heterosexual dating? Seems very old fashioned.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:01

I wish I could shout this from the rooftops, if he fancies you, he will text you!!

I wish I could shout from rooftops that it's 2020 and texter does NOT require to have a penis. I am bit tired of the fact that women are still told to sit around as a good fucking girls they are and wait for the men to text🙄
There is no shame in texting once nor it is chasing someone.
God. Strong independent women my arse

strawberry2017 · 01/03/2020 19:01

@whitebadger yes I am, together 5 years. Married with a 2 year old and I messaged him first.
I don't expect someone to do something I'm not prepared to do myself.
Everything you have said can be said the other way.
If she fancies him she can text him.
Does he not deserve someone who wants to text him?
It's not chasing, it's one text. If he doesn't reply then at least she knows for sure and she can love on.

Yesmate · 01/03/2020 19:02

@WhiteBadger He also deserves someone that wants him, texts him etc. There’s nothing no stone that says a woman can’t text first

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:02

And might I add, they are told that by other women! Ffs

Yesmate · 01/03/2020 19:02

@strawberry2017 great minds 😊

Ponoka7 · 01/03/2020 19:03

Whenever I've done a bit of the chashing, it's been seen as a green light to take the piss. I've known the same to happen to other women. But I'm in my 50's and it was more usual for the man to be making the first moves.

He might not have wanted to be over committed so he could enjoy the Stag. For him it's very casual dating.

Aloe6 · 01/03/2020 19:03

If a man is interested you won’t be able to keep him away. You really won’t need to wonder whether he likes you or not as his feelings will be clear. I would forget this man and look to set up your next date with someone else.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:04

@strawberry2017 exactly that!
I don't expect someone to do something I'm not prepared to do myself.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:06

I wonder now how do people here think men know woman is interested. 🤔

Ponoka7 · 01/03/2020 19:07

"I wish I could shout this from the rooftops, if he fancies you, he will text you!!"
"I wish I could shout from rooftops that it's 2020 and texter does NOT require to have a penis. I am bit tired of the fact that women are still told to sit around as a good fucking girls they are and wait for the men to text"

Men will make an effort with women that they are really interested in. Women that they aren't as interested in, they will hang around long enough for sex.

It depends on what the OP is looking for.

JasonBrun · 01/03/2020 19:07

Oh my dog everyone with this men are from Mars shit. Maybe he went for his stag thing and is sat at home with the beer fear wondering why you haven't text him. Texting someone first is not "doing the chasing". In adult relationships there shouldn't be any "chasing". You sound like bloody Miss Magazine FFS.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:09

And boys are hitting girls at primary and tease them because they like them, eh. Since we are on ridiculous statements which damage position of women.

sonjadog · 01/03/2020 19:11

So, if he wants her and is keen to see her, he has to text or he is not worth it, but if she wants him and is keen to see him, she should do nothing at all? Does he not deserve someone who makes him feel wanted too?

WhiteBadger · 01/03/2020 19:12
  • I wish I could shout from rooftops that it's 2020 and texter does NOT require to have a penis. I am bit tired of the fact that women are still told to sit around as a good fucking girls they are and wait for the men to text🙄 There is no shame in texting once nor it is chasing someone. God. Strong independent women my arse*

Sit round being good fucking girls? What the fuck are you on about!!!

She met him last on Friday, it's only Sunday. He hasn't text. It's got nothing to do with being a strong female. Blimey.

She texts now, knowing that he's been busy all weekend, she looks a bit desperate be honest! If he's interested he will text.

Sadly the knowledge that comes with being an old fucker, doesn't change the reality of dating life.

cobwebfew · 01/03/2020 19:15

He doesn't have to be in constant contact for him to be interested OP. And he doesn't have to be the one to initiate a conversation and send the first text either.

saraclara · 01/03/2020 19:15

I don't date. So this has been a revelation to me.

It's down to the man to text after a date? Always?

Bloody hell. I thought we'd moved on.

CassidyStone · 01/03/2020 19:18

I don't think it sounds desperate. It's Sunday evening, nothing wrong with a short text asking how the stag night went. If no answer, obviously no more texts. He's probably hungover and knackered regardless and may appreciate a text from his Friday night date.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 19:20

There is nothing desperate on 1 catch up text🙄

Candyfloss99 · 01/03/2020 19:21

He stood have text you on Friday night to make sure you got home ok. It looks like he's not that keen.

XktldX · 01/03/2020 19:21

I’d text personally- I don’t see why men have to be the ones who show that they are Interested first 🤔

I’d just text something along the lines of “had a great time the other night. Hope you’ve had a nice weekend”

slashlover · 01/03/2020 19:27

It's not games by not texting. It's common sense. Why chase after someone? You're setting the relationship to fail. I wish I could shout this from the rooftops, if he fancies you, he will text you!!

So if she texts then she's chasing him but if he texts then he's not chasing her?

If you chase him, you'll spend the whole relationship playing the pick me dance.

How is sending one text "chasing"?

Everyone deserves someone who wants to see them, to text them, to spend time with them.

So he doesn't deserve that? Is OP then saying that she doesn't want to see him, to text him, to spend time with him by waiting?

Shamazing · 01/03/2020 19:30

@WhiteBadger I'm also an old fucker and can't for the life of me think how a text of (perhaps) 'Hi, how's your weekend been?' is desperate. Genuinely, I don't.