Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

And they also say shit like

What a nasty little thread.
Do you feel better now with your Judgy McJudgy Pants on?

I've never seen anybody post anything but kind words when a poster has lost a child or gone through a dreadful event.

Why make out that it's this or that when there is, as saraclara has said, a middleway (for many posters, anyway).

Some posters seem to be determined to have a ruck. And that's just not nice so instead of dictating what terms are acceptable across the board, why not just accept that some posters like endearments and think them appropriate (all the time) and some do not.

Even the title of your thread made me cringe, OP. I don't like this irl or anywhere else. Being called 'darling' at work by fellow professionals I've never even met over the phone pisses me off. It's not appropriate at all.
I have an ex who used to talk to me this way when I was upset about something. It felt like being patted on the head.

Oh my, someone IS bitter arent they? lol

Of all the things to get annoyed about and its this? pathetic.

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity

Why? Why does it annoy you when people try to be nice?

My MIL keeps putting three kisses at the end of WhatsApp group messages, often after a sentence with a full stop at the end - this forms a .xxx porn link!

@beautifulstranger You sound a bit jaded yourself!

• It's just trying to be nice to someone having a rough time. I've noticed it most when a poster who seems young and/or vulnerable posts about a shitty situation, doesn't realise that what they are experiencing isn't normal and doesn't have RL support.

The posters replying with those terms come across to me as caring and quite motherly (which is what the ops in these threads seem to need).

Better than the bitchy posters who forget that there's a real person on the other side of the keyboard.*

This x 100

Some fucking people have no empathy in their perfect twee lives! I don't know why put this thread has me raging!! Prob the menopause tbh

Bit rubbish putting people down for doing this when they are trying to be supportive to someone who has just lost a child

I would not, for a single moment, do this. I am absolutely not judging anyone for offering comfort, however they express it, to someone in a terrible situation. I am staunchly atheist, but when my husband was dying, I felt nothing but love and appreciation for people of varying faiths who said they'd pray for us.

But you know that that sort of thread is not what I'm talking about here.

Empathy. Compassion. I've never seen anyone use those words on a CF thread or a lighthearted one, it's always in response to an OP who has been through a huge trauma. My reaction isn't to cringe or recoil when kindness is given in a way to try and soothe the OP.

I may be one of those vomit/wince inducers if I feel particularly sorry for somebody. Will try to refrain from such wankery in future I'm Northern and use terms of endearment like confetti if it's any defence at all??

I do worry sometimes about assurances like "you're a great mum" when that may not be the case - threads about SS involvement - where there isn't enough information for a stranger on the internet to give that validation. I've dealt with a lot of (criminal cases) when parents are righteously convinced they're the world's greatest parents when objectively they're terrible...

YANBU, I hate it.

*And they also say shit like

What a nasty little thread.
Do you feel better now with your Judgy McJudgy Pants on?*

Who the fuck is "they"?????!

Why does it annoy you when people try to be nice?

It doesn't. 99% of the time, people being nice makes me happy. Very happy.
Just not when they do it this way. Because they don't know the person they're talking to, so how can they be their sweetheart? It's meaningless and vapid.

But you know that that sort of thread is not what I'm talking about here

But thats exactly the sort of thread where those terms are used so yeah, you sound like an arsehole

I said "bless you" to a poster recently who responded to one of my posts by asking me if I was ok, as they thought I seemed a bit down on myself and if I was their friend irl they would be worried about me. I was touched that a stranger gave a shit about me and was kind enough to say so. I'm sorry if that makes you want to vomit, but I actually meant it and I don't really care if anyone judged me negatively for that.

I'm Northern and use terms of endearment like confetti if it's any defence at all??

So do I! But to people I know and like/love. Not randoms on the internet who I've never met and know nothing about!

Peapod, I'm contrarily very fond of being called 'me duck'. My nan used to call me that. She wasn't Northern, I've no idea where she got it from but I miss it.

Because they don't know the person they're talking to, so how can they be their sweetheart? It's meaningless and vapid

For many people you don't need to know someone intimately to use a term of endearment as a way of being nice. Anyway, like you said, you get that they're trying to be nice. So it's clearly not meaningless, is it?

You must know there's no valid reason for you to feel annoyed about this, surely?

Peapod For a second there, I honestly thought that ‘confetti’ was being used as a term of endearment itself and now I am very disappointed

In all honesty, I’ve only seen the sorts of responses causing the op such gastric distress on threads about bereavement or similar - on the other hand I have not read all the threads that there are, so 🤷‍♀️

Has anyone said "love you " at the end of a phone call to someone they obviously don't love like virgin mobile bloke. ( asking for a friend)

@ I'm more guilty of calling people chucky egg than anything (children, not adults). My childminder called us Lovey Duck which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when I think about it

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe that should have been

Its nice to be nice. Especially when someone is clearly struggling. I personally dont get a kick out of kicking people when they are down.
I would use love or lovely as it's in my everyday colloquialisms. But I eouldnt call someone a star just for posting a thread