Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

I think there is a difference between being nice and nice being laid on so thick that it becomes insincere. Its like people who smile and are happy all the time, its insincere and not real life as we all have off days and cant be like that all the time its just not real.
What op describes does seem like over the top responses that make me question how genuine the kindness is and why theyre trying so hard. You just dont need to go that far to be kind and nice.

I'm definitely one of these people - sorry OP!

I call everyone lovely, love or chickpea - partly because I'm appalling at remembering names, partly because online it's a way for me to show when someone's post has made me sad and I want them to feel heard /appreciated/known I guess. In my real life it's a way of showing affection and liking, and I've hung out on internet forums long enough to make friends on them so it doesn't feel weird to extend real life phrasing there.

On the plus side, as I also use these phrases in my business, this thread is glorious proof that being yourself is excellent marketing and will self-divide your audience 😂

I feel sorry for You- look in the mirror love

I feel sorry for You- look in the mirror love

You have to laugh.

That depresses me actually. Black and white thinking is making the world a worse place The Irony.
I think your OP was black or white. There was no exception for kindness in it.

I've had a look down my FB feed and without exception the ones instructing everyone to "be nice" and blessing everyone are people I wouldn't rely on in a crisis. Telling people to"be nice" doesn't make you nice.

@MacBlank I'm really sorry about the suspected cancer. Cancer is a fucker On a positive note, is the fact that it's on your middle finger, so you can give people the finger for the next few weeks, a silver lining? Hope you have good news on the results

I totally and utterly agree with @GinDaddy (except I have seen people taken to task for pulling people up on their SPAG).

It's about not wanting to be seen as "one of those people" and indicating to others that you are "above" that kind of behaviour. Which is, ironically, one of the least classy attitudes it's possible to have.

OP, how about you judge people on the message that they convey, rather than the individual words used to do so? Given that people tend to use those phrases when others are having a bad time, it says a lot that rather than understanding that and concentrating on how supportive some people are to those who need it, what you have chosen to focus on is the language they use to do so, so you can use it as a stick to beat them with.

It says a tremendous amount about you OP. None of it good.

@EmeraldShamrock I'll think you'll find I made lots of exceptions in my posts. The bereavement threads of course, the use of endearments in real life, the more colloquial terms used without patronisation...etc..

This is about online/social media use of over sentimental phrases to strangers, when NOT at hugely stressful times. I'd love to link to non-emotional threads where people have responded with this sort of thing, but I think it would be unfair to put named individuals under the spotlight

As many people have said, it's everywhere, from adding xxx to every whatsapp post, to posting to FB friends you've not seen in decades saying you're crying for them

It's an expression of care and sympathy... you should try it

I'm conflicted about this. On one hand, it's nice when someone is reaching out for support, especially when it becomes apparent they have little real life help. On the other hand, it can appear insincere and sarcastic - but that's the problem with words on a screen, it is always open to misinterpretation.

The #bekind stuff became grating very quickly, particularly as most of the people imploring others to be kind were anything but kind themselves. People do love to jump on a bandwagon, don't they? It soon became less about remembering the woman who died, and more about virtue signalling how wonderful they themselves were.

@CorianderLord you haven't read the thread, have you?

Plenty of posters have said that it's absolutely possible to express care and compassion without using cloying sentimental language. As I have and hundreds of others do every day on here.

Maybe what is "cloying sentimental language" to some, is just "language" to others. If it doesn't harm anyone, and many people actively appreciate it, then why should people change? Unless people think the world should revolve around their personal preferences? How odd.

Someone called me sweetie on a thread this week. I can assure you she wasn’t being kind. 😂

Oh it isn't nice when it's done to goad. But is that situation what the OP was meaning? I thought it was more of a general dislike of it even when it was well meant.

I can imagine that being called sweetie in a horrible way would make you want to strangle them through the keyboard.

YANBU.

Also see: don't call me "hun"...... it's SO chavvy and don't call me "dear" either.... so bloody patronising.

TinklyLittleLaugh
I agree with you.
I was thinking about it the other day, wondering if people are getting more bitchy on here or if I'm more sensitive to it or less tolerant of it as I get older.

Try working with teenagers between their ages of 12-18 then having them leave school and a year later they’re serving you in a shop and calling you “love!”

Why should it matter what we say, unless it is unkind words?
My heart has sank; some people out there would love to hear the kindness of those words. Sweetie, lovey, xxx etc.
If youre a personal person and don't want to hear or read those words, don't put personal descriptions or attention on the Internet such as WhatsApp, Facebook or etc..
Your personal friends will give you those kind words, in your way, as they know you so well.
If anyone I knew, my family or my kids needed to speak out and they were getting that sort of affection rather than hate or judged... 🌍 Be kind x

I agree @Beth3886 I know this discussion is just a bit of fun but it does reflect an intolerance for other people's ways. If these luvvies were being nasty and mean to OP I'd be the first to castigate them but they're just trying to be friendly. We're ultimately talking about something as superficial (?) as etiquette. OP is not happy about the way a lot of people are addressing each other. It doesn't matter! They're communicating. They're trying to be civil. Hooray - that's brilliant!

This is a matter of preference. OP isn't screaming that these forms of expression should be banned, but that she doesn't like them. Those who say OP lacks empathy lack empathy. Just because she doesn't feel the same way as you doesn't mean her feelings are wrong.

I am guilty of calling people "my lovely"..it's an endearment from Lincolnshire where I originate from and its by no means meant as being condescending ..however I cannot abide "hun".. when the hunbots come out that's when I cringe ...two faced ? Maybe ...just expressing an opinion !

I am guilty of calling people "my lovely"
You are not guilty of anything Max Some people on here seem to forget that there is local dialect and are quite rude when people write in their own ' voice'. I cant see a problem. It is not offensive, malicious or nasty. It just brings together a community of people from all over with different personalities.

I only call close friends or lovers, love or darling. As for “bless you” I use that when something bad has happened and I genuinely feel sorry for whatever has happened to them. I also use Aw bless if something is really cute like a baby photo or cute animal x
But in all honesty I don’t see anything wrong with saying something nice. There is too much negativity in the world why let this sort of thing bother you?