Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

@Monkeynuts18 And ‘you’re doing a great job’ and ‘you got this!’ usually in response to a thread where the OP is upset that her child’s nursery have reported her to social services because she didn’t change their nappy between Friday night and Monday morning.

I hate seeing that - the amount of times I see posts where people say that it's really unfair that SS have been called and how disgusted they are with the system based on the information an OP has given. It's always written as though that OP has done nothing wrong and SS have been called really unfairly. Nobody would come onto a forum and admit child abuse before complaining that SS were called on them would they? So to take their word that they didn't do anything wrong and encourage that person in feeling persecuted by SS can actually be quite dangerous.

With regard to the OP of this thread, I just can't understand why you would describe it as vapid and meaningless when you then say you know it comes from a place of kindness. That means it's not meaningless - it's someone trying to be kind and is usually taken that way!!

I'm fairly new to MN and reading through some of the replies about people who have come and started posting with their xx at the end and never left was an eye opener. I didn't realise that MN was supposed to be a bitchy forum when I joined but rather thought it was a place for support and amusement of other parents. I have generally only seen love, darling comments or kisses at the end when someone is struggling and I think it's nice. I generally don't do it myself as it always sounds weird coming from me but I think it's sweet when others show they care. I am shocked that anyone could hate it so much to see others trying to show kindness to someone who's having a hard time.

"You sound like a lovely person OP"

Normally said when it's obvious the OP has only posted for a pat on the back, because they've done some completely normal - like picked an elderly person up because they fell over in front of them.

No they don't sound like a 'lovely' person, they sound like an outright attention seeker, especially when they pretend they're only posting 'because someone made them doubt themselves'.

Welcome to MN. Where being nice gets criticised.

I get where you are coming from (sort of) but then at the same time posters calling other posters 'vile' 'disgusting' 'sickening' etc etc when they don't actually know them and could seriously harm their MH are a hell of a lot worse.

If I read a post that is deeply emotional from someone whom I do not know but has clearly been through a terrible time, I wont care if I've never/will never know them IRL I will bless them, show empathy and put kisses.

I didnt know you had to be acquainted with a person to show compassion.

@rumandbiscuits yes exactly!!!

YANBU. It comes across as insincere to me. But I do have a friend who is just lovely & is always calling everyone a super star, or honey and it just works for her. Not for everyone though.

I thought people were having a go when they said that? When I say "Oh bless you love" to someome I'm being patronising and cocky.

Maybe other people aren't as horrible as me

It's well intentioned I think.
Some people are just more effusive. I don't mind it at all.
Rather that than the spitefulness that is happening more and more

When I posted on here in the depths of suicidal PND despair the niceties really, really helped. Horses for courses etc but I don't see any harm in it.

Iboogy yep!

I use darling and love a lot. Honestly, it's because I feel real genuine care for other people, even strangers. I use those terms as a gesture of warmth and kindness. I do feel real sadness and cry real tears for some situations . It's just my nature.
Especially as time goes on and I have come through some struggles, I find I'm far more loving to the world in general. I don't mind sending my love out to strangers.
I'm fine with people not liking it. I'm not going to stop. It's just who I am

I have used ‘bless you’ in a post and would have been meant kindly. You can’t please everyone so I won’t worry about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think there’s a lot of not very nice posters on here so I find it reassuring if they disagree with me. 🤣

I didnt know you had to be acquainted with a person to show compassion

It's possible to show compassion without being overly familiar.

As, I think, a fairly kind human being, I find some of the posts on MN quite heartbreaking. I’ve been known to throw the very, very occasional ‘love’ into a post.
No apologies here.

Where I live, people don't generally use terms of endearment or pet names outside of their own family, or call each other hun or any of that stuff, so I must admit I find it really fake when I see it written down.

But that's presumably regional differences combined with things not coming across the same in writing as they do in real life. I've visited parts of England and had people call me 'love' or 'duck' in a shop or whatever and in real life it seems all warm and friendly.

@FieldOfFlameAndHeather believe me, that 22 year old shop assistant doesn’t like being looked at like shit on your shoe either, just because she’s trying to keep her job by engaging with the customers, and dared to speak to you using her own vernacular rather than trying to sound like she has a stick up her arse.

I don't have a lot of friends and when I was suffering with workplace bullies and I posted on here for advice. I had a few people making comments like this and it was really nice that people were being kind to me and meant it in a nice way. I didn't feel it was condescending at all. I found a lot of comfort and support in those comments.

Reminds me of something I heard recently:

"The word Legend has been devalued from pulling a sword from a stone to prove you're the rightful king, to unexpectedly returning with crisps."

When did 'Lovely' become a noun?

About the same time that 'parent' and 'gift' became verbs, hence the awful words parenting and gifting, yuk.

A way of displaying empathy?
Unless it’s a thread you’ve started which is full of unsolicited sweethearts, huns, darlings and bless you’d then yes I think YABU.
If they are responses to your post - then ask the strangers to politely stop calling you endearing names?

As an aside my 2yo daughter calls anyone whose name she doesn’t know “darling” and it’s ADORABLE. Hearing a small child say “bye darling” is just brilliant

I have used ‘bless you’

I use Gesundheit.

Aw bless.

I posted this because I recognise that it's a bit of a marmite thing. But I see sentimentality as a bit fake, compared to genuine compassion.

The creeping stuff on here is something that I've recognised on social media over the years. People posting really sentimental soppy stuff on FB, that just doesn't seem real. And comes across as either attention seeking or an attempt to be liked.

People have always shown compassion for each other. But somehow it's started to seem more about the person expressing it, than about the person it's for. Or at least that's how it seems on a screen.

In real life, I did find it odd when someone who barely knew me, and had never shown any interest in me or any compassion in person when my husband was ill, posted that she was crying for me. That was bizarre, and I didn't for a second believe it.