Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

An example of that would be the SPaG threads that pop up very frequently to critique how posts are written and lament at the stupidity of said poster.

I've often thought those complaining posters 'could do with a kick in the hole' but often, I'm on my own there. SPaG fanatics are often very demeaning, forgetting that there's a real person on the other end.

The truth of it is seems to be that when it's a stance that accords with us, we don't see or mind the other point of view.

I dont think that's true at all. I think some posters are far too harsh and revel in their own dickery. But it's an open forum, assuming they stay within the guidelines they can say what they like. U cant police an open forum.

I agree, it’s cringeworthy. I wouldn’t waste terms of endearment on strangers. Just why??

With SPAG threads it is usually in the title. I don't open them. I aware of my lack of education, although I have improved mountains. I will never be perfect due to processing issues on top.
I avoid w.c beating threads being w.c they aren't nice, as I imagine overweight pp's avoid fat bashing threads.
You can't avoid anti kindness threads until it rears it's ugly head on the thread.

Lying. I wonder whether it is partly because this thread has a feel of being a TAAT, as there are a couple of other threads running at the moment where the poster has lost a child so there are many PP who have used this type of language to offer their support even though they don't know the parent from Adam.

I am sure the OP of this thread didn't mean it, and it is just bad timing, but it has probably hit a nerve with quite a few people.

I spell checked and reread my post above twice and still fucked it up. 🤣

I don't think yabu to have a negative reaction to certain language. Language does invoke feelings based on your experiences. You are entitled to feel irritated but you have to also remember that written language is open to interpretations that may not actually apply to the writer. Maybe "oh love" is insincere or over the top but equally it may be a genuine response to the op. Regional dialects, backgrounds and social networks all influence how posters respond. Personally I am irritated by "hun" but I prefer any nice endearments over the cruel, self indulgent criticisms that seem to appear on most threads.

I am also irritated by 'aw, bless', 'bless you' etc. in real life. I know the people who say it to me don't mean to be patronising, but it really comes across that way.

Just noticed that the ratio of YANBUs to YABUs is currently 52%/48%, therefore the word 'bless' should be entirely banned from the English language.

this thread will now have made a lot of people who have posted the odd endearment in the spirit of kindness and compassion, feel stupid and maybe less inclined to be nice to strangers on here in the future. That, to me, is as sad as fuck

actually, will make me use these term of endearment a lot more. Anything that can keep the grumpy and bitter thread police away really.

EmeraldShamrock, it's awful to have the your (general, not aimed at you) post picked apart because somebody disagrees with how your post is written. MNHQ will delete those posts if they're reported.

If posters can't understand a post they can move on to another, there's no need to pull somebody up on it. I read your post and understood it clearly.

ineedaholidaynow, that's quite possible and I can see how that would make endearment-posting posters feel 'got at'. I think we're all so opinionated about personal likes and dislikes and keen to find 'our tribe' to back us up.

The language used on this thread is quite strong too. I used 'blench' myself in my post and what I meant by that is just an immediate 'steady on!' reaction but not in a harsh way and I don't mean anything by it. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid?

What I don't understand, AT ALL, is why anyone would take offence to a person offering condolences to someone in the natural way that they express themselves?

I just read this highly amusing one a few posts earlier where someone said "there are many PP who have used this type of language to offer their support even though they don't know the parent from Adam."

Bloody hell...it's an Internet forum! None of us know each other from Adam unless we've told someone our username IRL.

What a ridiculous standpoint.

If someone posts wanting a hug, what's wrong with them getting a hug? Why police it by insisting that folk should know each other to offer sentiment?

No one objects when the opposite is the case, and people get angry at a poster for admitting they're the OW or whatever? You don't know her in real life so why get angry?

I think people need to be honest.

A lot of folk on MN want this to be the internet equivalent of sitting in the Hummingbird Bakery or the Ivy Cafe, caustically taking apart issues in perfect English and cutting down anyone who dares to disagree etc.

They're terrified it's becoming Frankie and Bennys, hence the "Nethuns" slurs and the hate of "xx" at the end of a post.

I wish folk would just admit they're snobs instead of finding these kind of spurious reasons to have a go at people for expressing themselves using their natural idioms.

GinDaddy I think you are referencing me there about not knowing the person from Adam, I am quoting from the OP.

"Nethuns" has been a thing on MN since it started, as has the hatred of 'xx' on posts and the lavish throwing around of hugs which is why they'll usually be phrased as 'unmumsnetty hugs'. These are not new things.

I've noticed it a lot on threads where the OP is having a hard time - perhaps abuse or loneliness - and I see it as an attempt to put some tenderness into the OP's life.

I don't do it myself, because that's not how I talk in real life, but I don't see it as anything other than kind.

Fair enough didn't realise apologies.

I still think the point stands, that I take issue with someone pointing out in a confused detached way that it's "odd" to provide emotional comforting words to someone who has posted about bereavement.

Saying "I'm sorry for your loss xx" or "Bless you hun I'm sorry xxx" does not cause me the slightest bit of offence. It does not jar with me to read. It's simply a kind person expressing themselves in the language and idiom they are familiar with.

As I said in my previous post, I think the real reason is that some people are snobs about language. They break society down into two camps:

1. People who spell correctly, and write perfect, almost legalese English, who provide robust and occasionally cruel put downs to people "who need to be told", and who liberally sprinkle words like "fuck" and "cunt" into their well constructed sentences.

2. People who write using text speak or other contractions, who create emotional, long, posts without paragraphs, who are open with their emotions and offer kind support where they can using terms of endearment.

I think there are people who shudder at the thought of being associated with 2) and so they will grammatically, factually or emotionally put down someone who posts like this, so that they can signify to the rest of Mumsnet that there are squarely in camp 1)

I don't think anybody does, Anon..., see it as anything but kind, I mean. It is meant in kindness, just as when a poster posts sympathy without endearments... also meant with kindness.

Perhaps some of us just view other people's posts with a 'red pen' mentality rather than just accepting the post at face value?

I have a sister who would get hellishly shitty with me saying 'oh bless', a habit I picked up over here.

In deference to her sensibilities I avoid giving offence by not bothering to stay in touch with her. Can't be bothered.

It's just a phrase, there is no harm meant, and if offence is taken, it's being actively sought out, in my opinion.

Worrying about people being too nice? non issue.

@GinDaddy I agree for many there is a false belief of superiority.
Thankfully not all. Many intellectual professional posters are always very helpful sharing their wisdom.

If you think about the intent behind it, the intention is good, the poster is trying to be nice, polite and kind. Whether or not the language they use is over the top, sickly sweet or sugary, the intent behind it is coming from a good place. I think that is important. It may not be the language you are familiar with or use yourself but other people do and once it is not derogatory, nobody should be berated or sneered at for coming across as compassionate. I don't think anyone who has put up a post here when they were upset, anxious or grieving have ever taken offence to people reaching out to help, identify with or handhold calling them Love or Sweetheart. Those who take offense by or take ridicule in reading same would need to question their own empathy and understanding. It is perfectly ok not to use the language you so openly hate others using in kindness, it's alright to roll your eyes in horror when you see it but it is another thing entirely when you create a post tearing down those who do. I hope people continue to reach out and help. I hope they continue to speak to others in whatever kind way they see fit and I hope that this thread does not make them question the horrifically and seemingly "vomity" three kisses they put at the end of their reply to someone that was struggling.

@saraclara you’ve droned about this subject before, it’s boring now! Let people be FFS.

That 'let people be' door swings both ways, annamie.

Lots of subjects on here are 'boring', this one's divisive as so many of them are. Either we post our opinions or the board dies of 'borg-think'. People are entitled to their opinions.

People are entitled to their opinions

Of course. Many things on MN make me roll my eyes to myself. I wouldn't post about them under the guise of a "fun rant" because it feels rather unkind - I don't believe for a moment the OP created this thread for any other reason than feeling their own superiority.

My likes/dislikes shouldn't cause anyone to think they can't post for fear of being "annoying".

I'm still getting over OP suggesting there could be a warning over whether a poster can 'handle' sentimentality

Oh for goodness sake @NeverGotMyPuppy, that was a JOKE!!

What's your sense of humour?! I was offering posters the chance to riff about silly symbols!