Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

Arghhh this thread is really bugging me now.

Because I completely get where OP is coming from and what she means, but at the same time I'm a repeat offender especially in real life. I've basically just had a pro and con in my head about this for the past 10 minutes and somehow still losing.

Oh bless me,this is hard .

17 days ago Caroline Flack died and Mumsnet was full of #Bekind, now it seems Mumsnet is fed up with being kind.

The #bekind stuff was bullshit, like any other trend and hype, and tbh just proves OP's point .

I'll take any of them over 'hun'

Makes me want to physically hurt people. A lot.

Ans some of my closest friends have started using it. Make me rage

I get it at work as well. Served one lady the other day who called me angel, babe, doll and love and then when she left she said god bless u. NOPE! I know she was being nice and I would take that over someone being a pain in the arse but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t believe in god and I’m not an angel

I finished with someone mainly because he kept calling me “hun” and it was at the start of every single bloody message he sent me.

It goes through me.

I think these ones are worse “Hubby” is so annoying and really Pusey 😄 Hun or honey is another one, “bless you”has just become habit I don’t even realise I say it sometimes “Popit” and “supper” is cringe worthy 😄 my dh cringed at next fur saying sweet pea which was another habit 💙💙

Pukey 😄dh cringed at me with Sweetpea for my DD 😄

There are things to say that are comforting and friendly and supportive without using sickly endearments to total strangers. There's "I am so sorry that you are in such an unhappy situation and I really hope things improve for you very soon. I send you my best wishes." And then there's "Oh sweetie, bless you, hun! My heart is totally breaking for you and I am praying for you to have strength and I am here for you. A million hugs and kisses to you! Xxxxxxx" I know which actually comes over as more genuine to me.

My daughter works in retail and absolutely hates it when customers call her by name. 'They don't' know me, it irks me when they say my name' Um! you're wearing a name tag sweetheart...
Personally though, terms of endearment doesn't bother me, but that's just me

I do kisses on all my text because to be honest I don't what to do when it comes to things like that. I'm afraid I grew up without any hugs and kisses and therefore am always confused "should I put it, uh what if she don't like it. What should I do. How's it coming across" I tend to copy but never know what to do if I write first and think this is what people did. So sometimes some people don't know what to do. How am I coming across now? What do you guys think? Do you have this problem where I guess you could say I over think these polite heirs and graces. I just use instinct and feel awful when I get it wrong.

Well said @MimiLaRue

I did just use “bless you” in a post, but to be fair I absolutely meant it, as the Op is trying to nurse a tiny, starved and sick stray cat and keep her alive.

YABVU.

Oh dear, so sad how miserable people can be. How can kindness be taken the wrong way. If that is how someone expresses kindness, how sad people feel ‘vomity’ or wanting to stab for being called a star or being judged for not showing what you perceive to be a middle ground or false. Just take it with an open mind and try giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who has taken the time to Isi Sally just try and offer some advice. I honestly despair at how unashamedly openly horrid people can be (or just sound without realising ((?)) and what kind of kids they are raising. Makes me want to curl up in a ball. I don’t happen to be one of these people with those I don’t know but is it really something to start a moan thread about. Honestly

So basically a whole tranche of MN posters think that there's nothing between sentimentality and being hateful. And that there's no way to express empathy and kindness apart from calling strangers darling and sweetheart.

Because I don't like that sort of language casually used online (and add I've said bereavement threads are another matter) then there can be no explanation other than that I'm a cold hearted bitch.

That depresses me actually. Black and white thinking is making the world a worse place.

But OP you didn't make the distinction for bereavement threads in your opening post, it was only when you got pulled up on that, that you then say you didn't mean them.

If someone had started a bereavement thread, and then looked at your opening post, how do you think they would feel?

Horrid? Oh for crying out loud. Less of the Enid Blyton. Candor isn't such a bad thing in these days of fake sincerity.

But what about DV posts? Or miscarriage? Or someone in hospital?

You cant say 'x language is fine for y threads'- that's just daft. It isn't black and white thinking - its accepting that people communicate in different ways and that lots of posters have been grateful for types of communication you seem unacceptable.

@IsaMatilda - How on earth do you know someone is being fake sincere by the language they choose to use? You are just judging them based on your personal opinion. There are enough people who’ve responded saying they’ve used this language being sincere so your point is mute. How about just leave the nice people to be nice - - the way they’d like to be nice. If you choose to not take it that way, just move on and keep your cold-hearted judgment to yourself. And yes, I believe it’s horrid.

It seems weird if your not used to it.

The Mums I know always use it so it’s become normal for me. I’m a PTA chair and a social animal so I have to blend in with the crowd. It’s not how I would usually communicate (among friends I call them ‘wankers’ more often than ‘lovelies’) but if I didn’t add ‘lovely, hun, babe, superstar’ every message I would seem cold.
I have a giggle to myself about it for sure, but I definitely add a minimum of three Xs to every message now, just in case. I am a fraud.

It is their way of sending their support. Can't see anything wrong with some kind words, no matter how they are written.

You come across as a miserable person. A lot of people come to Mumsnet for support - so what if posters are throwing niceties around - don’t bloody read them

I never, ever, EVER put kisses on texts. People must think I'm a right bitch.

It’s all flowery verbiage.

Blessing someone should be only from members of the clergy.
My darling is my partner.
Sweetheart for my children.
Hun is not a word.

It’s fine to offer empathy and compassion but when you are talking to someone you don’t know/ may never chat to again on screen it’s overly familiarising yourself with them. A construct of social media and the use of.