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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go out in the evening so much?

300 replies

Butterbear86 · 01/03/2020 12:47

I tend to go out once a week with friends for a meal / drink. Sometimes it might be twice in one week but nothing the next - it depends when people are free. It averages to once a week, certainly no more than three times in a fortnight. I don’t go until after dc2 is in bed as dh wont have both children awake on his own, and he won’t do bedtime. The older one goes on his own. So I don’t go out until about 8pm and I’m back by 11pm. I have a six very close friends - but none of them are friends, I know them from all different places which is why we end up meeting separately.
Dh rarely goes out with friends, maybe only three / four times a year, but he is usually out the whole night and ends up stopping at one of their houses and is in bed hungover the whole of the next day. However he golfs every single Saturday, 9am and isn’t back til after 5pm as he goes to the clubhouse afterwards and from May to September he plays two evenings a week. He says it’s different because he’s back by 9pm but he goes straight from work and then both children are in bed when he gets back so he doesn’t see either of them those days.
He says I go out too much and I shouldn’t want to. The thing is - if I stay in it’s only sitting in front of the tv anyway or me doing housework / ironing whilst he sits in front of the tv.
Aibu to go out so much? I didn’t go out at all last week in the evening but I’m meant to be going out tomorrow evening and I’ve asked him if I can go next Saturday too which is why he’s not very happy.

OP posts:
Pukkatea · 01/03/2020 16:43

If you don't do something about this then YABU to your children. Sorry to be blunt, but you are not doing them any good allowing them to grow up with a father in the house who doesn't care about them. As for upset, he would be upset because his personal maid was taken away, nothing more. You and your children deserve better.

GordonBennett20 · 01/03/2020 16:45

However, the role of a SAHM (such as myself) is to make the working parent's life easier- if that's not happening, your DH is only naturally going to wonder whether he might not get better value for money in bringing in an au-pair/nanny and sending you back to work full- time.

Is this a joke stormy? Ffs "better value for money bringing in an au-pair/nanny" "sending you back to work full time" sending?? SENDING? Are you fucking kidding because I am in shock reading your post, you're clearly one of the suffering wives who have been indoctrinated by their shitty husbands into believing this shit.

I never usually leave comments as strong as this one but tbh I'm appalled by your attitude, and I sincerely hope you dont have daughters to impress these values onto.

TorkTorkBam · 01/03/2020 16:46

During the working day you "work" at home and he goes out to work. Your daytime facilitates his daytime. Outside working hours you are both equally responsible.

Arthritica · 01/03/2020 16:53

Gordon, I think Stormy was taking the piss.

OP, your husband has developed a fault. Send him back and get a new one.

NoSquirrels · 01/03/2020 16:54

What is it you hope for from this thread, OP?

You KNOW you are not being unreasonable to go out once a week. Hell, you wouldn't be unreasonable to go out 3x times a week, as long as your DH also got equal opportunities to do so.

And you know your DH is a twat about childcare, parenting, and controlling your time ("I can't go away overnight" etc)

You're being controlled. What you do about that is up to you.

His essential argument is that you must be available at all times.

I would not like to live like that.

BaolFan · 01/03/2020 16:58

Don't you get tired of having the life drained out of you by this sad and controlling little man?

GordonBennett20 · 01/03/2020 17:00

@Arthritica I hope so! I've been round here a long time and have found that some people that frequent MN really do believe that though which is why it seemed believable.

OP I have to agree with everyone else's sentiment, you deserve more Flowers I think maybe once you are back to work in september you'll see it more and have the confidence to do something about the situation x

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 01/03/2020 17:01

@Arthritica

Nah, don't bother with a new one: the replacement model may exhibit the same inherent faults. Demand a refund.

Arthritica · 01/03/2020 17:05

Nice - she's got to be due an upgrade by now, surely?

OP, you don't have to tolerate this nonsense. Men who can't parent their own children are no use to anyone.

thepeopleversuswork · 01/03/2020 17:05

Stormy 😂😂😂😂

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 01/03/2020 17:07

@Nogodsnomasters

Aah, thanks for clarifying. I'll be sure to amend my schedule to ensure that I'm playing by your rules 🙂

singandwing · 01/03/2020 17:08

I don’t go until after dc2 is in bed as dh wont have both children awake on his own, and he won’t do bedtime.

Poor snowflake, he needs to man up and stop being so helpless, a good father doesn't say he can't cope with both at bedtime unless they both/one of them have SN which make bedtime harder than usual with children and then you both do it together.

fuckoffImcounting · 01/03/2020 17:09

Tell him to fuck right off. Lazy sod. Go out when you like and do not ask permission. Also tell him you would like some Saturdays as family time. What a wanker he is.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 01/03/2020 17:10

@Arthritica

Oh definitely. I was merely suggesting that she doesn't bother with the upgrade and asks for her money back 😛

Sorry. very cynical singleton here ☺️

Arthritica · 01/03/2020 17:22

Nice I was thinking she deserved an absolute belter after this useless sod. Cooks, cleans, great with kids, supportive, great in bed and roguishly handsome.

Or a single life and rechargeable batteries. Either option works.

CorianderLord · 01/03/2020 17:25

I think it's far more unreasonable that a father won't have his own children when they're both awake at the same time. What a pathetic man.

Also he spends all of Saturday out of the house but complains about you going out for 3 hours once a week? He sounds very controlling

SinkGirl · 01/03/2020 17:25

It would bother me less but if I stay in every night it’s just something he wants to watch on tv, which I don’t even want to watch and I end up reading or doing stuff I find tricky to get done in the day.

This is what really stood out for me. You barely have any time together thanks to his hobby and you don’t enjoy the time you do have. Time to get out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/03/2020 17:26

she deserved an absolute belter after this useless sod. Cooks, cleans, great with kids, supportive, great in bed and roguishly handsome.

DH is taken, unfortunately for OP Grin

But seriously, there are mid-level models that perform basic husbanding. She doesn't need a Mercedes DH, just not the crappy Lada she has now.

gingersausage · 01/03/2020 19:25

Ladas were at least fairly reliable and easy to fix, unlike the OP’s useless husband! 🤣

TheCherries · 02/03/2020 18:40

I would book up your golf equivalent every Sunday for exactly the same times as he goes out on a Saturday and see your friends then and leave him with the children 😉

Turquoise123 · 02/03/2020 18:43

2 nights a week is hardly going out much and if all you are going to do is sit about or iron why would you stay in ? Hope things work out for you

Stars2theside · 02/03/2020 18:59

He "won't" do bedtime???? Wtaf?!
Sounds a lot like you're allowing him too much of an opinion, and giving him a nice easy life!

ProfessionalWeirdo · 02/03/2020 19:05

Says it’s too much to manage both.

So it's too much for him, but not too much for you???

Fallingrain · 02/03/2020 19:09

Oh dear Class A 🔔🔚

Boshmama · 02/03/2020 19:15

LTB

Seriously, you have to 'ask' to go out? He is their father, not the bloody babysitter!

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