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Original poster

To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

277 replies

Username109876 · 01/03/2020 12:09

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

OP posts:
Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 14:15

Tbf the OP referenced arranging to meet someone and them being 10-20 mins late. Sitting in a coffee shop for 10 mins waiting for someone is a lot different to waiting 30+ mins outside someone's house, or missing a play because the other person is an hour late.

If I had a friend who ended a friendship with me because I'm 10 mins late, rather than talking to me and trying to understand, I would have to assume that our friendship wasn't particularly important in the first place.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 01/03/2020 14:17

It's incredibly rude, self centred and most certainly not an endearing little trait that has become an 'in' joke.

Littledabsofpowder · 01/03/2020 14:18

Well I do find sitting in a café for twenty minutes a pain if it happens regularly, especially if the cafe's quite busy. And especially when I've made the effort to get there at the time and place that suits my friend.

Northernsoullover · 01/03/2020 14:20

Interesting about the ADHD.. I have it. It doesn't cause me to oversleep though so it doesn't cause an issue in the mornings. For social meetings I'm quite anxious about being late so if I have to be somewhere in half an hour I'll allow an hour and wait at the other end. Also as I said upthread I really do just drop everything to leave the house when I need to. I don't think ADHD can be used as a blanket excuse.

ShesCurly · 01/03/2020 14:21

I don't get how people are late for the same thing repeatedly. We all learn from our mistakes, that's part of being an adult. So if you're ten minutes late every day then start getting ready ten minutes earlier once you've realised that. I genuinely cannot understand that when it's the same thing over and over again.

I fake time my friends who are always late. If they're always 10/15 minutes later then I organise to meet at 1215 if I need to meet them at 1230.

And if by some miracle they arrive at the fake time, I wouldn't feel guilty because i would have waited for them so many times before!

What really annoys me is people not letting you know. If you're a whole hour late then an hour before, you absolutely knew you couldn't possibly make it on time. There's no excuse for not giving the other person a heads up so they aren't left waiting like a mug. I really hate that.

My brother is so bad with this.
Say we agree to meet at 3pm.
He'll me at 1pm he's still on for 3pm.
His journey is one hour.
He will then stroll in at 530pm.
So by 230pm he already knew he hadn't set off and would be at least half an hour late.
Why not just give me a heads up as early as possible?! Ugh.

ShesCurly · 01/03/2020 14:23

Typo:

He'll tell me at 1pm he's still on for 3pm.

Nowayorhighway · 01/03/2020 14:29

It’s probably not a priority of theirs to be on time. I always tell people like this to meet half an hour earlier than I’ll actually turn up so when they’re late, they’re actually on time.

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 14:29

@Northernsoullover out of curiosity are you diagnosed with ADHD? WHow long have you been diagnosed if you don't mind me asking? Of course it's not a blanket excuse, I don't think anyone is saying it is. But, IME, people who do not have any difficulties with time keeping can be completely unwilling to even acknowledge that being punctual isn't as easy for everyone else. I am not making any excuse for some of the stories of outrageous lateness that people have talked about on here, my point is the the OP talks about 10-20 mins of lateness and lots of people are saying "it's just rude and selfish, full stop, no discussion". All I'm saying is things are rarely that straightforward and for some people, difficulties with punctuality are no different to people with dyslexia having difficulty with reading - that doesn't mean nobody with dyslexia can read well or be successfully literate, it's just acknowledging that some things are harder for some people than others and it's not really helpful to blanket label people as "rude" without trying to understand them a bit better!

AufderAutobahn · 01/03/2020 14:32

I wonder if it's sometimes a control thing? Eg, my husband and I had an appointment for a house viewing. Minutes before we had to leave he started cooking himself some bacon and said he didn't know why I was bothered as the sellers "will wait." He doesn't like having appointments imposed on him as he likes to be in control of his own life. He also once made me very late to pick up a friend and take us all to an event as he didn't like being told what to do.

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 14:33

@ShesCurly I love when people fake time me! I will always text even if I'm just 5 mins late but I feel such a sense of relief if I am ten mins late and my friend arrives 5 mins later- I love that they will do that for me! And if I end up being early and then have to wait for ages, I just acknowledge that that's completely my own fault for having a reputation for being late.

GoatyGoatyMingeMinge · 01/03/2020 14:38

I fake time my friends who are always late. If they're always 10/15 minutes later then I organise to meet at 1215 if I need to meet them at 1230.

And if by some miracle they arrive at the fake time, I wouldn't feel guilty because i would have waited for them so many times before!

I've tried this sort of thing before and I found it doesn't work. On the occasion that the late person arrives after the fake time but before you they feel vindicated - you're no better than them. And thereafter all references to meeting times become completely fluid and theoretical. You say you'll meet at 2:00, you guess she'll get there at 2:30, she thinks you'll be late and be there at 2:30, aims for that but arrives at 3:00, and if you complain shell point out that your timekeeping is bad too!

Littledabsofpowder · 01/03/2020 14:45

GoatyGoatyMingeMinge

How true!

Having arranged to meet at 3pm, I decided to arrive at 3.15 as my friend was always late.
For once she arrived only 10 minutes late, saw I wasn't there and went off to get a few things at the shops. She came back at 3.30 so I still had to wait for her.

It is a lack of consideration, and a feeling that my life is easier than hers. It isn't, I'm just more capable of organising myself. She faffs about a lot.

ShesCurly · 01/03/2020 14:46

@GoatyGoatyMingeMinge

Hmm it's always worked for me with my lot. Everyone's different I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ Except for with my perma-late brother but that's a lose cause!

ShesCurly · 01/03/2020 14:48

For once she arrived only 10 minutes late, saw I wasn't there and went off to get a few things at the shops. She came back at 3.30 so I still had to wait for her

Oh my god this made me laugh out loud at the sheer dickishness! She sounds like an absolute nob. That's almost impressive levels of CF!

Mintjulia · 01/03/2020 14:54

Thinking it’s rude is taking it too personally. I’ll guarantee the late person hasn’t decided to be late to upset you. They just aren’t very organised, can’t find their shoes, haven’t ironed their shirt or want to shower and need to wait for the water to heat up, the babysitter was late etc.

It isn’t about you.

Roussette · 01/03/2020 14:54

Trouble is... friends guess you're adding half an hour on or whatever, and act accordingly so it defeats the issue somewhat

Roussette · 01/03/2020 14:58

It isn’t about you

Of course it isn'd deliberate necessarilyt but saying that means there is even less consideration than I first thought!

I would ...
wear a different pair of shoes
wear a different shirt
go without the shower and wash instead rather than be late
text saying my babysitter is late and I will let you know when I will be there, as soon as she arrives

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 15:01

@Roussette there's lots of things that I would do in certain situations that my friends wouldn't think to do/would choose to do differently. It doesn't mean they are rude and selfish, just that everyone is different.

katy1213 · 01/03/2020 15:01

So if you were told that a £10,000 winning lottery ticket would be on your restaurant table with your name on it at 7pm sharp - and removed at 7.05, no excuses accepted - do you think you'd manage to get there?

Roussette · 01/03/2020 15:03

But if it is rude to be late, how come they get a free pass?! We're all different, but for me, that doesn't extend to being rude to my friends... just sayin'

Littledabsofpowder · 01/03/2020 15:05

Believe me ShesCurly, if I told you some of the excuses I've heard over the years for her being late you would have an even better laugh.

In spite of it all we have a strong friendship, and although very different personalities in some ways, we have a lot in common. So somehow the friendship survives!

EmpressLangClegInChair · 01/03/2020 15:06

People who know you’re always late, do you warn your friends about it when you’re agreeing a time?

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 15:07

@katy1213 but there's lots of things I would be able as a one off to do for £10,000 that I wouldn't be able to do every day. Yeah, for £10,000 I would get there by six, and be entirely stressed for the entire day before hand that something would happen/ that I might be late. If the deal was "you have to leave your house to arrive at the restaurant no earlier than 6.50 and no later than 7.05 or you won't get the 10,000" then I can't guarantee that I'd be able to. I'd try very hard, and be incredibly stressed about it, but I wouldn't be confident that I would definitely be able to do it! My dad would be able to arrive within a given window of 4 minutes and it would cause him no effort or stress.

adaline · 01/03/2020 15:09

I agree, I think it's so rude. I wait 10 minutes and if I haven't heard anything, I'll leave. Their time is not more important than yours!

I once had a friend not show up because her toddler was having a nap and she didn't want to wake her. Fair enough. But instead of calling or texting and letting me know, she just didn't bother and eventually messaged me four HOURS later explaining what had happened!

Strangely enough, we're no longer friends Grin

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 15:10

@Rousette I guess the difference is I don't see anything rude about being late per se. Sure, there are of course some reasons for being late that are rude, e.g turning up 20 mins late without texting and when asked saying "oh yeah, I knew you'd be waiting I just couldn't be bothered to leave my house". But being late in itself I don't see as inherently rude, for me it would depend on the person and their circumstances