To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

[Username109876]

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

@maddimookinsmum16, I would plan on being an hour or more early to the station to make sure I would be there on time. When I went to Canada I was 3 hours early at the airport because that was when my transport could get me there.

On a normal day of the week I just cannot factor in that much additional time. For example, at the moment I am attending a course which starts at 10am once a week. It's an hour's drive from my house using the most direct route. At the moment a road is closed due to annual flooding so I am adding say 10-15 minutes on my journey time. I drop the DC at school for half 8, walk home (5 minutes), Get in the car and leave for the course. Without fail I am always late. I've got 85 minutes for a 70-75 minute journey. Short of driving to the school, I cannot squeeze any more time in. I live a 3 minute walk from school and the reality is, if I were to drive to school, I would end up parking further away from school than my house is.

It isn't that I don't want to be on time, but things which I cannot predict often hamper me. DH might be late back from work, DS1 might have a meltdown. DC might be late out from school. Traffic is heavier than anticipated due to people not being aware of the diversion routes.

@maddiemookins16mum

Im very interested in this. I don’t believe time just gets away from people know matter what they do.

@dodgeballchamp I have a persistently late colleague. It’s so annoying. However she is never late to take lunch. Or go home....just always late back from lunch.

@ErrrNo
Also, being late for a friend is different to being late for an appointment imo. I'm regularly late for friends etc but usually early for interviews/appointments

This is worse - it shows you can't be bothered to make the same effort. Very disrespectful.

Also, being late for a friend is different to being late for an appointment imo. I'm regularly late for friends etc but usually early for interviews/appointments

That's just rude. If you can be early interviews/appointments then, at the very least, you should be on time with your friends.

@fedupofadulting - I suspect you are right. I have and never will be a mathematician. All my friends who are excellent with their timekeeping are much better with figures than I am. I am also being assessed as an adult for ADHD after a long period of poor mental health. This is at the suggestion of medical professionals involved with my DC's care.

Admittedly I was not this bad when I was working full time but I was doing an extra 2 hours a week as I would travel in and home with DH so I wouldn't be late. I'm due to start a new job soon and am dreading being unpunctual. Mind, I was late to the interview and they still hired me...

"if we arrange a time, I get there for that time."
I'd stop doing that! If they're consistently 10-20 minutes late, I'd aim to be there 15-25 minutes late. I'd want to know how they reacted to people being late for them.

"Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. "
Have you ever asked them 'Why?' when they say that? Because to me, them saying that is them giving themselves permission to be late.

I got a friend like this. She's always running late even though it's her who has set the time we should meet. She always comes flying in to the coffee shop or wherever we're meeting with some reason for being late. Not sure why she's like it. I think she just dances to the beat of her own drum🤷🏻‍♀️. It used to piss me off but as I've got older I've become more tolerant of it as she's a good friend to me and was One of the only few that bothered to check up on me when I was at rock bottom with depression.

I've got 85 minutes for a 70-75 minute journey. Short of driving to the school, I cannot squeeze any more time in

Then you need to make alternate arrangements. Because it's clearly not a 70-75 minute journey, nor an 85 minute one.

@maddiemookins16mum drop dc at school earlier?

It must be awfully frustrating and disruptive for the others on your course if you’re persistently late.

I know people who I won't do anything time dependant with. Soft play? Swimming? Sure, meet you inside. Theatre? So long as we all have our own tickets so I'm not waiting to find you and give you the ticket as id be in a dilemma about when to give up and sit down.
I'm not anal about it, I know buses run laye, if you are ok n the correct bus and it gets to my house late, no worries. But if you didn't arrive at the bus stop until after you were already due somewhere, then you are being rude.
My brother is dyslexic and crap with money. I think it actually ties in with his inability to plan time. But, he's a grown up, so has strategies so most of the time he and his kids are where they need to be at the right time. I think his wife manages the strategy of money and he just spends what he's allowed (not in a controlling way, in a "you can't spend the same money twice' way).

@Theydodothat - I think it's more some people will think 'that job will only take 10 minutes' when in reality a it's a 20 minute job, underestimating rather than over estimating.

DH hates it when I get into a full on blitz tidying because everything gets much worse before it gets better and the job takes twice as long as it would if he did it. But I'm putting everything back in its proper place whereas DH would just shove it wherever it fitted/there was space. So you can see how he would be early or on time where I more than likely would be late.

I had a friend who was at least 40 minutes to an hour late every time I was meant to meet her. Didn't matter if it was coming to mine, meeting at the cinema, theatre etc she was late. No text to say or apology when she got there.

She also expected me to be late to whatever we were doing as well and would get annoyed that I wouldn't. I would just leave her tickets at the desk and let her get on with it.

We're no longer friends.

I am one of those people who are late all the time.

Yes I have missed flights and trains and am late for things I enjoy and have to miss the start of. I end up running everywhere and that makes some of the time up. I'm always in a rush and I hate it but getting up earlier, starting to get ready earlier, setting alarms, putting clocks forward etc none of it works for me

@ememem84 it’s not me on the course (or being late) 😊. I’m the other side of the coin, overly early for everything.

I'm definitely someone who underestimates time... what I think is taking 10 minutes is ends up actually more like 20 minutes, this bbc article makes mention of a study of a particular group who when asked to estimate 1 minute estimated 77 seconds... well those extra 17 seconds add up and get even longer if you're busy, so yes... time literally does get away from us. Snide comments like "if you have no concept of time then why are you never early?" Completely miss the point of the problem the late type person has judging time

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20170209-why-some-people-are-always-running-late

@vhs95 like I said it's something I'm working on. But I have 3 dc at 3 schools, I'm a single parent and the school run takes 80ish miles a day. Which is time consuming. So when I'm not on the school run I'm trying to cram as much in as possible.

And like I said, if a friend said it pissed them off I would ensure I didn't do it. It's not intentional, it's very much a case of, I'll quickly throw another load of washing on, or I'll quickly bring the bin in before I leave. It's not done out of malice but I agree it's rude

I'm regularly late for friends etc but usually early for interviews/appointments

Now... see... I might be more sympathetic to anyone who was consistently late to everything but this is just not fair. Because it shows you can be on time if you want to. You just can't be arsed to do it for friends.

@theswordthatdangles

In that case. I would drop your child off earlier. Either using a friend. It breakfast clubs.

I can’t stand people who are constantly late. My mother being one of them. It’s all the time. I tell her 15 mins earlier now. So that we can get there

I’m a person who is perpetually early. I cannot stand being late. It compromises everyone’s situation. I always factor in extra time. If I need to be there really early. Then I wake up earlier. It’s not science is it.

Nothing to do with not being arsed Rousette. I am working on it

There are two types of people in this word. The punctual and the tardy.

Being late constantly means they think their time is more valuable than yours. I hate tardiness, I’m never later than five minutes early.
I couldn’t put up with a ‘friend’ like this. I’d have to say something like “let’s arrange to meet at 12.45 and you will arrive at 1.05”

Maybe it’s time to start walking away after waiting five minutes beyond your arranged meet up time.

I think it's more some people will think 'that job will only take 10 minutes' when in reality a it's a 20 minute job, underestimating rather than over estimating

I just don't understand it. If I started cleaning the microwave and thought it was a 10 minute job, but realised halfway through it would take 20 minutes, I would stop after 10 minutes so as not to let a friend down and be late. Then come home after meeting, and finish the job off. Why just carry on and piss people off?

I find this one difficult as I am a chronic late person, (although I am improving). I will say I don't think anyone who struggles with time keeping is thinking that their time is more important than yours, or that they don't value you. For me, I feel incredibly stressed about being late, even though I'm always late! I feel like I check timings, and then build in extra time just in case, and still often manage to be 10 mins late - I can't explain why, and I know as a grown adult it's not really a good enough explanation! I am rarely if ever late for work, but am often 10 mins later than the "ideal early time" that I have set in my own head! For planes etc I end up arriving way earlier than I need to, but this isn't really feasible for every day things. I think it can be very hard for people who find being on time easy to understand how anyone can find it hard, therefore assume it's just disrespect. In the same way I find that people who are "morning people" often assume that people who aren't morning people are just lazy. The reality is, people struggle with different things and it's probably not down to rudeness! My advice would be if you have someone who is always 10 mins late then you should aim to arrive 15 mins later than the arranged time- chances are they won't hold it against you! I never do :)

@MrsJoshnavidi - luckily the course tutor is absolutely lovely and I am rarely the last person there so she has said not to worry. It bothers me but short of inventing time travel, what do I do? Drop the kids off at school before they should be there and hope that the staff are ok with that? They already go in 10 minutes early to help with their SEN.

@fedupofadulting - that article was spot on for how I get. I agree with those who don't like it but I genuinely am not trying to be late everywhere to get a kick out of it. I've been late for things I really wanted to be at. The only reasons plane travel isn't late is because it's the only thing I am doing that day as opposed to doing the school run, club run, domestic duties.

Sorry ErrrNo I just don't understand. What is there to work on.... why can't you apply the same rules to yourself when going to a doctor's appointment as you would meeting a friend.