To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

[Username109876]

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

I often find its the people who live closest to a meeting place who are the latest

I don’t understand this ‘ I have kids and so it’s a struggle to be on time’

I have three kids, all 6 and under and I am absolutely never late. Even when we have had to get public transport or walk places we would normally drive.

My husband is late all the tome, because he procrastinates. Our mornings would look like this (if we were alone with the kids)

Me: up at 5.30am, have a shower, and get dressed. Kids up at 6am, give them breakfast whilst I load the dishwasher. Dress the younger two - oldest son dresses himself. Put a load of washing on. Tidy up and load car of things and people by 8.20

Husband: wake up at 6am with the kids. Give the kids breakfast and then sit on the settee with a coffee for 30 minutes. Dress the kids, sit down and browse phone leisurely. Notice it is 8.15 and jump in the shower for a quick ‘5 minutes’ take 10. Leave house a mess and at 8.40

@adaline I see where you're coming from. It's hard to get into a routine when meeting friends because I meet my friends at different times, in different places etc. It's not regular. I go to work at the exact same time each day, using the same route, Monday to Friday.

I suppose I am lucky in that my close friends and I communicate about these things. When I have spoken to friends about this and they have let me know how they feel, I am of course apologetic, but when I explain what my process is like, they agree that actually no, they don't find it as difficult as I do. To them, being on time takes what they would consider a "normal amount of effort". They have stated that their mental planning process is something that yes, takes effort, but that it comes fairly naturally to them and doesn't necessarily cause them a huge amount of stress. I am not an organised person, I never have been, although I am a lot better than was as a child. I lose things regularly, i forget things, I mix up times, I underestimate how long things will take me. These are all completely surmountable issues that I have learnt to deal with over years and years of people telling me I'm lazy, I'm late therefore rude, I can't be arsed etc, and I have loads of daily strategies that I use that you wouldn't even notice. I have lists within lists, alarms, reminders, chalk boards, more alarms, and a pretty constant underlying stress that comes from the feeling of "what if I've forgotten something". And yet still, sometimes (more frequently than other people) I will be 10 mins late and it's not because "I can't be arsed to make the effort that you can". It's because I forgot to list one step of the journey like allowing for time to buy my ticket and remembering that the station is always much busier on a Saturday, or I forgot that train times have changed, or my makeup took 15 mins instead of five and then I forgot to go back and readjust my plan.

For lots of people, they can't understand it because they will say things like "but surely if you've done this 20 times you know how long it takes" but actually, that level of automatic thinking doesn't come easily to me! It's very hard to describe, but it is reality for lots of people.

My SIL is always always late and thinks its a funny quirk of hers. Its not. Over the last 15 years we have all had to wait for her for hours. A few years ago I snapped (and so did numerous other family members) and told her we would leave on our trip without her if she wasnt here on time. She was late and we left. She was pissed off but funnily enough since then has managed to get to every family event on time. I know she is still late to her friends things.
Normal occasional lateness happens to everyone and isnt a big deal but with her she definitely just feels everyone will wait for her and that she will do what she wants.

I dont like clock watchers and think that anyone can be a bit late now and then and I wouldn't mind, but its only the consistently late and not caring about it that would bother me.

I was never taught to be on time or to be organised and have had to drill that into my own brain along the way. Having kids really helped. No point being 15 mins late for a 30 min music lesson. Having alarms on my phone really helps. Simple stuff like training myself to lay things out the day before, having a key bowl and shoe track have all helped. But I have to make a very conscious effort to do that or it all goes to pot. I have relatives who go bananas - you are already late if you are not an hour early as far as they are concerned and I won't let them get away with branding me as late anymore. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction if at all possible. for one thing. We once turned up to an event at least an hour and a half early, prepared to read books, but they were already there and still told us off for being late.
The most reforming thing for me was realising that when I arrive late, apologising and not ready to start, it makes a huge dent in my confidence and assertiveness. I've realised that if you can just get the arriving on time bit right, you are in a better position to deal with all the other stuff that might go wrong. That idea really worked for me.

I also have a family member who is like that. One year she offered to cook us Christmas Dinner which was nice. We ended up eating it at 10pm!

@Girlinglasses I suppose that's a fair point - when something comes naturally to you, it's hard to understand why it doesn't also come naturally to others!

I'm a swimming teacher and have 30 minute lessons the amount of kids arriving 5,10 sometimes even 15 minutes late is unreal its rude and disrespectful to the class and teacher, yet parents continue to be late to classes often dont apologise for the disruption that is caused.

I have a friend who is always late. She admits that she tries to pack too much in and that she underestimates how long things takes. She also worries that one day we’ll get fed up and ditch her for it. But she hasn’t changed anything.
It makes me rage but she doesn’t mean to be rude and is lovely so I (mostly) don’t say anything.

Drives me crazy! It becomes a bad habit. Leave earlier! Our office is strict and we stagger lunch times so all on time. My friends lax time wise I just dont meet them as much now due to this puts me off

@adaline yeah I think that's generally true about lots of things, especially things that we don't necessarily see as difficult. I also think that it is of course important for me to acknowledge that my lateness is annoying for other people, to apologise for that, to not be the kind of person that insists that it's just a cute quirk of mine etc, and I don't expect people to think it's a good quality of mine! But I wouldn't want my friends to brand me as rude because of it, as long as I am willing to be open with them about it.

I suppose it does get to me a bit when I see comments like "I fucking hate late people, they are just rude" because it feels like a kick in the face to all of the effort I know I have put in to attempt to improve it!

I have relatives who go bananas - you are already late if you are not an hour early as far as they are concerned and I won't let them get away with branding me as late anymore. I'm not going to give them the satisfaction if at all possible. for one thing. We once turned up to an event at least an hour and a half early, prepared to read books, but they were already there and still told us off for being late.

This sounds a little bit bizarre to me! When you say "an event" do you actually mean a flight? If you "turned up an hour and a half early" for a long-haul flight, then yes, you were late! Or maybe try arriving at the airport all keen and eager at the departure time, and see how that works out

But I wouldn't want my friends to brand me as rude because of it, as long as I am willing to be open with them about it.

I suppose it does get to me a bit when I see comments like "I fucking hate late people, they are just rude" because it feels like a kick in the face to all of the effort I know I have put in to attempt to improve it!

Yeah, that's fair enough. I think I'm more understanding with people who do accept it's a problem :) it's just when you know people who are always late, never apologise and never seem to make an effort to change that it can be a bit grating - especially when it's a constant thing, iyswim?

I used to work with a woman who was always 10 minutes late in the morning. Every day she'd walk through the door and say the same thing: 'Sorry I'm late the traffic was horrendous'.

Eventually we ended up with a new office manager. Who pointed out to her that if she was always 10 minutes late, then the traffic was normal for that time of day, and that she needed to leave home 15 minutes earlier to get in on time. When she asked why she needed to leave 15 minutes earlier in order not to be 10 minutes late, he told her that she spent the first 5 minutes taking her coat off, switching on her PC and making a coffee - none of which was work.

It didn't go down well and she was still sketchy about time-keeping. Until they introduced a clocking in system. One month in, she was half a day down and was given the choice of having her pay docked or taking it out of annual leave. She managed to be on time for work after that.

it's just when you know people who are always late, never apologise and never seem to make an effort to change

@adaline yes, I think anyone who isn't apologetic about being late is definitely rude! They rest of us are just irritating :)

I'm consistently late to everything and have been late for interviews (that I really wanted) and once missed a flight.
I am better than I was and set my clocks to run fast to help me but I still find it a struggle.
I was read that optimists are more likely to be late but I struggle with organisation in general and I'm really not a morning person. I do underestimate how long things take sometimes.
I certainly don't feel like my time is more important than others. I'm just in awe of very organised people.

With my ADHD I tell people that if I got a cheque for £1m it would take me weeks to take it to the bank as I hate going to the bank and I hate standing in line.

I understabd those saying if you are diagnosed etc but I was diagnosed at 36. I'm rarely very late but even for appointments I am paying for such as therapy I'm regularly running in 5 mins late looking dishevelled

It isn't always rude and those who think it is should remember they are not always the most important person. In the world though seem to think they are with the best will in the world - traffic, people asking for a 'moment of time' when leaving the office, public transport and any no of other things means people are late. I am sometime late, I am sometimes waiting for others. Meh! Unless it's a shocking amount of time (+30 mins) then I can amuse myself. I detest the uptight holier than thou attitudes of the perpetual time police who probably have pleasantly sedate and boring lives and I think understand the issues of the hose with less time available to crowbar everything in.

Most of the people who are late 'all the time' usually manage to be on time for stuff that matters to them

I'm someone who is consistently late for things, although getting better.

There are a couple of issues with me, the first is poor executive functioning as a result of my mental health problems. This was only diagnosed around 19 months ago by an occupational therapist and means I have problems with things like planning and putting things into action. Learning this was a revelation and I stopped thinking of myself so much as lazy and scatty and instead realised I had a real problem.

The second is that my anxiety can sometimes be sky high and it takes me so long to get myself out of the door it makes me late.

Those who bleat on about late people thinking the late person thinks their time is more valuable are spouting bullshit. It constantly feels like I am chasing my tail and I feel awful and am embarrassed about being late.

@GoatyGoatyMingeMinge. Not a flight!! I am always extra early for those.
It was a very small 2.00 pm ceremony. (not a wedding) We arrived at 12.30.

I have ended a friendship for this but in her case she was always 20 to 30 minutes late so was left standing around in the cold and rain. I started telling her to meet 20 minutes before I actually wanted to and she was still late. I found it really rude and i am always early for everything.

We recently sacked someone in work for this. They were a minimum of 5 minutes late every single day and their colleagues started to complain. We gave them a chance to improve and they didn't so my manage made the decision to sack them at the end of probation. Every other person there was there on time.

It's rude and there really is no excuse for constant lateness other than that I'd bring a cheeky fucker.

I have a relative who makes a point of allowing lots of extra time for appointments, trains, planes, etc., often making me leave early with them. However when coming to meet me they are often late, which I find rather insulting (to put it mildly).

I'm never late. Yes it's rude. I hate it in others, pisses me off.