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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be worried about gender disappointment

157 replies

YouDoYou18 · 01/03/2020 06:16

We have a scan to find out the gender in 7 hours and suddenly I’ve found I’m very very nervous.
We have two DDs that I adore, and honestly I don’t mind if it’s another girl, I’ve got some girl names picked out and I can imagine having three daughters playing in the future and I really love the idea... But.
This is going to be our last baby and I would also really like a boy, I’d like to have that relationship and bond with a son as well as my daughters. I know it sounds ridiculous but my daughters are daddy’s girls (which I love and it melts my heart daily) and I know there’s no guarantee a son would be a mummy’s boy.. but I’m just worried that I’m going to end up almost grieving for the fact I’ll never have a boy.

Is this ridiculous? I’m sure I will love any baby, but I can’t get rid of this nervousness and it’s making me feel like an awful parent!

OP posts:
MrsJamin · 01/03/2020 06:21

I think you will get some savage responses as you've posted in AIBU. I'd ask for it to be moved to another board tbh.

BecauseReasons · 01/03/2020 06:21

You could cancel? I think you're unlikely to be disappointed with the actual baby either way once it's born, but may feel disappointed with the idea of it if you find out the sex now.

MrsP2015 · 01/03/2020 06:28

I think you are a normal human being tbh!

It's obviously aside from the fact baby is well and healthy etc which I'm aware is most important to you (saying before loads of people come and throw it at you)

I'd prefer another of the same gender and every friend I have has an opinion on what gender they'd like their next to be so I really do think this is ok to feel this way as many do.

Regardless though you will obviously love this baby- or babies if it's twins! 😂

How far are you? Have you got your 12 week scan pics so we can guess?
Please let us know, my fingers are crossed for you 💙

corduroyal · 01/03/2020 06:29

Yabu

You can't say what your baby will be like based purely on sex.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 01/03/2020 06:35

@BecauseReasons I mean I could, but my husband is so excited to find out and if it is a boy I’d need to do some prepping and I really like to be organised!
@MrsP2015 Oh to be honest health didn’t even come into for me, every time I make a wish it’s that they are healthy and we did the genetic testing (not because it would make a difference to the pregnancy but so we could prep our lives and daughters if we needed to) and that all came back fine and I know I would love our child disabled or not, my mother is disabled and my auntie is blind and honestly I don’t even consider them as being any less than amazing people, it just simply doesn’t bother me! But yes honestly I’m not worried I’m having a girl, because I know I’d still be happy.. I’m just worried I’ll be both happy and sad at the same time!
@corduroyal I’m aware, hence why I said that myself. It’s more like losing the idea of something really

OP posts:
2020runner · 01/03/2020 06:36

I haven't voted, yabu and yanbu

I think what you're feeling is normal, second time I really wanted another girls, I just had no desire to have a boy and never have. I felt so guilty that I didn't want to ever have a boy cos what if baby was a boy? By 20 weeks I'd try to fake convince myself I wanted a boy as lots of people said one of each would be fab. Our brains and hormones make us do funny things. Baby 2 was a girl

Yabu because once you find out it really wont matter. Give it 10 mins and you'll be over the moon...good luck

Oysterbabe · 01/03/2020 07:22

I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. My husband felt the same about our 2nd, which is why we decided to find out. He wanted to deal with any disappointment he might have so that at the birth he could just be happy. I'm sure he would have been fine at the birth anyway but he was worried about feeling disappointed, which was the last emotion he wanted to feel on the day his child is born.

Enchiladas · 01/03/2020 07:28

I know it sounds like a cliche but just remind yourself the only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy. I'm finding out the gender on Friday but it will also be my first scan in a long time since I started having major health problems that have the potential to harm the baby so all I want to know is that he or she is well and safe.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 01/03/2020 07:32

YANBU. I understand completely. When I was pregnant with my last baby we were hoping for a girl. We had 2 sons and girl was very much wanted. We found out it was another boy. I was a little sad that I would never have that Mother/Daughter relationship. My youngest is now 16 and of course I would not have changed him for the world. I adore my 3 sons, as you will if you have 3 girls. But there is nothing wrong with feeling a little sad for the relationship you will never have if it is another girl.

Poetryinaction · 01/03/2020 07:35

You won't need to prep differently for a baby girl than you would for a baby boy. I don't understand that. Maybe if you were giving birth to a teenager, but a baby won't know or care what sex it is. It will make no difference whatsoever.

SnowsInWater · 01/03/2020 07:38

YANBU, you feel how you feel. I know that I was over the moon when I found out my unplanned third was a girl after two boys. Of course I would have loved another boy, but I don’t think I was unreasonable to have been happy to have the opportunity to be a girl’s mum.

LolaSmiles · 01/03/2020 07:39

YANBU if you think "it would be quite nice to have a boy" going into the scan.

YABU if you are going to be upset and disappointed about not having the sex you want and then lamenting how you've got gender disappointment like some of the other threads on here.

CookieMumsters · 01/03/2020 07:42

I get it. I only have 1, and so so wanted a DD. I have a girl-only hobby, and I wanted to share that with them.

DS is 6 months old, and I love him more than anything. The hobby thing doesn't matter, we'll just do something else.

I think it's ok to be disappointed that things didn't go the way to imagined, you'll still be happy.

LimpLettice · 01/03/2020 07:42

I had a sexing scan yesterday OP and have to admit to a teeny bit of disappointment initially. I have one of each, my DD is 10 and was really hoping for a girl (she adores her brother) so I think in my head I wanted to give her that. The second the scan started, I could see this baby is very clearly a boy, and my heart dipped.

She's over the moon, another one like her baby brother! After 5 minutes I started to get excited about 2 little boys bombing around the house, and it was gone.

Your feelings are valid, as long as they don't affect the how you feel about this baby when he or she actually arrives, but don't make too big a thing. You feel how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that.

TheNoiseHurts · 01/03/2020 07:43

How exciting!!!

I can relate. I wanted my second baby to be a boy so desperately, I felt so guilty that I had a preference! I remember silently apologising to my bump as we walked up to the scan just in case it was a girl.

It was a boy!!

I have three boys! I wasn't bothered what DS1 or DS3 were but for some reason I really wanted a DS2! I'd had a dream that he was a boy and I think that's what did it.

Poetryinaction · 01/03/2020 07:44

I am very tired but I can't think of a girl only hobby.

Oysterbabe · 01/03/2020 07:49

I am very tired but I can't think of a girl only hobby.

Maybe netball? 🤷‍♀️

Poetryinaction · 01/03/2020 07:53

Oh maybe! Although at my son's school they have mixed netball, and even 20 years ago when I was at school we had a male netballer as he loved the sport.

ItchyScratch · 01/03/2020 07:54

I find it absolutely odd that people pay money to find out the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Or unless you mean this is your 20 week scan in which case saying “we’re having a scan to find out the gender” is really bad. As this scan is to check the babies health etc.

SallyWD · 01/03/2020 07:55

This is the first gender disappointment post I've seen where the woman actually wants a boy! I'm pleased to see a bit of balance. It's fine to have a preference. I had a DD first which was lovely then really wanted a little boy which I had - of course I would have been fine with either sex. My DD is a Tom boy and my DS has more characteristics associated with girls! Now I realise you're getting a little person rather than a boy/girl (and whatever you imagine each one to be like). You'll love whatever you have but prepare yourself for a girl so you're not too disappointed if it is!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 01/03/2020 07:58

Cancel the scan and relax.

Prepping no different either way.

LaurieMarlow · 01/03/2020 07:59

I can't think of a girl only hobby.

There are a reasonable amount of hobbies that girls are much more strongly represented in.

One of the things I always dreamed about was reading the book Ballet Shoes with my child. With the best will in the world, girls are much more likely to be interested in that than boys.

OP you are definitely not BU. I think it’s very normal to feel his you do, it’s just taboo to admit it.

I felt exactly the same when pregnant with DS2. I would have liked a girl. I went to the scan and let’s just say the fact that he was a boy was immediately obvious. Grin

I knew in that moment I couldn’t love him more.

It will be fine, I promise you.

Poetryinaction · 01/03/2020 08:00

Oh my little boy would love Ballet Shoes. That is ridiculous to imagine reading it with a girl but not a boy. Many many boys like ballet.

LaurieMarlow · 01/03/2020 08:03

Many many boys like ballet.

Some do, I agree. But ballet schools are overwhelmingly full of girls rather than boys.

DS1 has absolutely no interest and god help me I’ve tried. Perhaps I’ll have more luck with DS2. He’s not yet two. We’ll see.

Mumto1girl3boys · 01/03/2020 08:08

I have 3 boys and no way would they be into ballet, im.aware boys CAN if they wish but lets be honest boys would get bullied for it. Theres plenty of girl only hobbies and also boy only hobbies

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