AIBU to be worried about gender disappointment

[YouDoYou18]

We have a scan to find out the gender in 7 hours and suddenly I’ve found I’m very very nervous.
We have two DDs that I adore, and honestly I don’t mind if it’s another girl, I’ve got some girl names picked out and I can imagine having three daughters playing in the future and I really love the idea... But.
This is going to be our last baby and I would also really like a boy, I’d like to have that relationship and bond with a son as well as my daughters. I know it sounds ridiculous but my daughters are daddy’s girls (which I love and it melts my heart daily) and I know there’s no guarantee a son would be a mummy’s boy.. but I’m just worried that I’m going to end up almost grieving for the fact I’ll never have a boy.

Is this ridiculous? I’m sure I will love any baby, but I can’t get rid of this nervousness and it’s making me feel like an awful parent!

Why is it different? Coul it possibly be due to the imposition of stupid gender roles by parents?

Could sorry.

Once you find out the sex you might either be briefly thrilled or slightly disappointed but then it will pass and the excitement of your new baby boy/girl will take over.

@Bourdic

Stop projecting your issues onto someone else. We aren't in a race to see who's the biggest victim. Pipe down and let others post their feelings which are valid.

Of course the OP will need to do some prepping if the baby is a boy. Presumably after having two girls she had a lot of dresses, pink flowery leggings etc that it wouldn't be fair to dress him in.

But you don't need all clothes for the first six months ready in advance. A couple of packs of white babygros and vests would do the trick for either sex.

And also, 'wouldn't be fair' to whom? I guarantee you the infant will give zero fucks about the colour of his clothing.

Just more practical and less entitled - well I’m speaking for my friendship group -well educated and intelligent. We bought neutral coloured baby grows ( they were the thing then) But tbf there was much less pink around and we rejoiced in our babies as our precious babies not as boys or girls.

I’m surprised “well-educated” and “intelligent” doesn’t come with more empathy.

I dressed DD in black and bright colours. Doesn’t mean I can’t understand other women’s feelings.

If women don’t even know the difference between sex and gender, then I despair anyway. As for empathy, I save it for what matters not for women disappointed with their healthy baby’s genitalia.

Fortunately what matters to you isn’t what matters to everyone.

Eye-opening complexity, right?

Yanbu as many of us will have those thoughts despite knowing it's silly and how unimportant they are. A lot of people grow up with ideas about their future families and it can be a bit hard for it to be different to what you thought.

For people I know who've gone through it, they were a bit concerned before the scan at how they would feel but it didn't take long for them to be really excited and get over those feelings.

My OH is one of 5 boys so I have a feeling we will have the opposite thing to you in years to come.. (already have one son). His family are also very pro boy which annoyed me immensely (he's not like that).

Let us know what it is OP- then you get to think of exciting names :D

Let us know what the outcome of your scan is good luck hopefully you’ve got a little boy in there💙 but three girls will be lovely they will adore each other and fight a lot 😆

Why is it different? Coul it possibly be due to the imposition of stupid gender roles by parents?

No.

Lots of reasons.

Do i need to remind you that the biological process of growing up is radically different in boys and girls? Really?

Secondly, the experience of each sex is very different due to how they’re treated by the world we live in. The most gender neutral parenting in the world can’t counter those effects.

Thirdly, more contentiously perhaps, I believe there are innate differences in how the sexes develop. They are exposed to different hormone levels in utero for example. This is an interesting article ...

www.zerotothree.org/resources/1380-are-there-any-differences-in-the-development-of-boys-and-girls-brains

Thank you for all of the replies from both views.

Firstly I’d like to say to anyone who has suggested that at least I can have children, I completely agree that I am lucky to be able to have children and I’m very sorry to those who can’t. But that doesn’t however mean I have to feel a specific way.

In the cold light of day I’m feeling much more clear headed! I’m excited to go so I can begin to picture a little sister/brother with my girls!

And to those starting the gender identification debate, honestly I don’t care if they identify as he, she, they, male, female or even a teapot, that’s their choice.

Thank you for all the replies, it’s really helped me clear my head and I’ll update later with the gender (assuming we’re actually see it, my eldest daughter wouldn’t show us at all and we had to go back!)

I doubt il have any other children but I’d of loved a sister for my little boy , it’s ok to have a preference, you’ll love them no matter what once you see them anyway , but you know that already having two babies x

I would guess there’s a relationship between those who understand the difference between sex and gender and why it matters and those who don’t think it matters what sex their baby is.

Your baby’s gender will NOT be revealed at the scan. What don’t you understand about the difference between sex and gender? FFS

Of course you're not bU. I was devastated finding out I was having a second boy, I so wanted a girl and no intention of more children. DS2 is now 6 and I just adore him. I wouldn't change a hair on his head (get rid of the peanut allergy and excema though!)

I'm glad i found out early as I had the chance to get used to the idea. I remember when DS1 was born and my first thought was 'oh I wanted a girl'.

With gender, it's more likely to have a second of the same gender, and an even greater chance with a third, so my money is on another girl OP.

I remember posts like this would really upset after we had two miscarriages as I really didn't understand why anyone would have a preference.

However after our two boys there I was, going to find out the sec of baby number 3 so that if I was disappointed I could start to feel better well before the birth. We found out baby was a girl.

I wanted to experience having both sexes there is nothing wrong with feeling like that and doesn't mean if dd had been a son that I would have loved that baby less.

I have a one boy and he will be an only.I have fleeting thoughts about what it would have been like to have a daughter but I adore my son and I'll never know any different so it is what it is.

@Bourdic please do not get rude with me or anyone else on this thread.

Of course you are allowed to be a bit dissapointed, you have an idea in your head of a son and a daughter, so when you find out, you know one of those won't happen. Of course we all wish baby to be healthy as priority.
I think it is sensible to find out ahead of the birth so you can deal with emotions and then get excited for whichever you are having

I much rather have 3 girls than 3 boys.

YANBU OP I felt exactly the same except I was yearning for a son with my 2nd pregnancy having already had a much loved DD.

I'd ignore people that want to derail for their own reasons.

You're not alone.

I had boy girl girl. I dressed them in the clothes we were given as gifts and hand-me-downs. And one or two bright bits from h&m I bought myself.
No prepping needed. I didn't find out the sex in advance for lots of reasons, but one of them certainly wasn't leggings.

Your baby’s gender will NOT be revealed at the scan.What don’t you understand about the difference between sex and gender?

THIS. So bloody depressing that people have no grasp of this in 2020. Might explain why rigid sterotypes linked to sex are making a huge comeback. Why can't a little boy wear flowery leggings or whatever?