AIBU to be worried about gender disappointment

[YouDoYou18]

We have a scan to find out the gender in 7 hours and suddenly I’ve found I’m very very nervous.
We have two DDs that I adore, and honestly I don’t mind if it’s another girl, I’ve got some girl names picked out and I can imagine having three daughters playing in the future and I really love the idea... But.
This is going to be our last baby and I would also really like a boy, I’d like to have that relationship and bond with a son as well as my daughters. I know it sounds ridiculous but my daughters are daddy’s girls (which I love and it melts my heart daily) and I know there’s no guarantee a son would be a mummy’s boy.. but I’m just worried that I’m going to end up almost grieving for the fact I’ll never have a boy.

Is this ridiculous? I’m sure I will love any baby, but I can’t get rid of this nervousness and it’s making me feel like an awful parent!

I felt the same with my second. It's normal. Before she died my mum said I think your having a girl. My 20 week scan was on what would have been her birthday, and yes it was a girl. Me and the scan ladies had a cuddle and a cry. You'll be fine.

I didn't find out the sex in advance for lots of reasons, but one of them certainly wasn't leggings

Of course the OP will need to do some prepping if the baby is a boy. Presumably after having two girls she had a lot of dresses, pink flowery leggings etc that it wouldn't be fair to dress him in.

I've just spent the day yesterday clearing out DD's old clothes in preparation for her brother's arrival - it took ages!

It's hardly necessary to prepare clothes for 1-5 years old before the baby is even born, so I can only assume you are talking about baby clothes.

The environment and the next generation of humanity thank you for replacing perfectly good pairs of baby leggings just because they were pink or flowery. /sarcasm

Your baby’s gender will NOT be revealed at the scan. What don’t you understand about the difference between sex and gender? FFS

God give it a rest. Everyone knows what OP meant when she said gender. Sick of people on here pointing this out at every opportunity they get.

Op, after each of my kids were born I have always cuddled them and though to myself, 'well your the one that made it, eh!' It is so hard just to be born. Just to be here. Out of all the millions of possibilites. That particular baby fought its way into life. A unique person. I quietly just think, your amazing, I am so pleased its you. Girl or boy it doesn't matter. Sounds nuts of course but I think its true! Hope the scan goes well

Bloody hell - the interchangeability of sex and gender - TRAs wet dream

God give it a rest.Everyone knows what OP meant when she said gender

Sadly in 2020 we have to be very careful about using these words as the confusion between sex and gender is causing untold harm. Deliberate harm at that.

Indeed Bourdic

Good luck with the scan OP, please let us know how you get on & the outcome.

I constantly understand that. I know the difference between sex and gender but I must admit I’m guilty of sometimes using them in the wrong context. I don’t think people do it deliberately, considering if you type into google ‘sex reveal scan’ it comes up with lots of pages advertising ‘gender scan’.

bourdic has it right- I don't think it's rude, we need to stick to facts.

OP good luck and I'm sure whatever the sex you'll have that lovely warm feeling.

TRAs do it deliberately all of the time.

I think it's normal to want one of each 💁🏻‍♀️

I know it's the in thing to pounce on people who dare to say it, but for me and my family one of each was what I wantedand what we got.

If if had another girl it would have been fine, the world would have carried on turning and we wouldn't have had anymore. But I can't deny I was over the moon my second was a boy.

YANBU. I have 3 DS’s, my youngest is 6 months old - I adore him but I do find it hard thinking that I will never get to experience raising a daughter. Not helped by the fact 4 of my closest friends are having babies in the next few months and all of them are having baby girls! I’d convinced myself he was a girl so when he was born (EMCS under general anaesthetic), I came round and was told he was a boy, I’m ashamed to say I took it pretty hard. I wish I’d found out prior to his birth so I’d been able to manage those feelings before I had him.

thefaceofboe you're so right- people refer to it as a gender scan or gender reveal. My niece told me the other day " We're going to find out the gender this week". Where has this come from? Why?

@snoopdogsbitch yep! If it’s advertised as a gender scan, I can see why people then refer to it as a gender scan.

In contrast to Cyril when pregnant for DS3 I was so worried I'd have a girl- it was like my brain couldn't cope with the concept. I didn't know until he was born, but it was sheer relief. Was it my body and mind preparing me for having 3 boys, making sure I wasn't disappointed? I have no idea.

Now, I think I'd have loved a girl too. I'm finished but sometimes do wonder what a wee girl would have been like. I'm not girly at all, so maybe that was in my head, who knows.

The scan is to reveal the baby's sex, but I think sometimes that the threads are about an irrational 'gender disappointment'.

Like the previous posts about ballet - yes, more little girls than little boys do ballet. But there are plenty of girls who have no interest in dancing, hate wearing pink frills and tutus, etc. If a girl like that would be disappointing, because the parent wanted a baby girl to do 'girl things' with, it's a 'gender' issue and shows that the parent is far too invested in stereotypes of what little girls and little boys should be like.

My partner was really disappointed at the scan that we were having a girl. But by the time we had her, he had come round to the idea and was really excited again. I would rather have had him disappointed at the scan than disappointed on the day of the birth! If it had been a boy it would have been vice verse as I wanted a one girl and I knew we would never have more than one child.

Totally face but why has it been marketed as gender scan? Are we so opposed to the word sex in our society that we must rebrand it?

Are we so opposed to the word sex in our society that we must rebrand it?

Pretty much, yes.

@Snoopdogsbitch I wonder if that’s it, the only website I’ve seen it referred to as ‘sex’ is on the NHS website. It’s really strange and it doesn’t help educate people on what is sex and what is gender.

@snoopdogsbitch “gender reveal” or “finding out the gender” is often used over here. If you’ve ever see the Duggars, they always talk about “gender reveal/find out the gender” as fundies like them cannot bring themselves to say the word “sex”.

If a girl like that would be disappointing, because the parent wanted a baby girl to do 'girl things' with, it's a 'gender' issue and shows that the parent is far too invested in stereotypes of what little girls and little boys should be like

This. Grim.

*We need to stop fixating on what genitals and baby has and start seeing each child as an individual
*
Oh honestly, just wind your neck in. More parents cafe about what sex their children are, only on MN is it commonplace to write such shit as demonstrated on this thread.

OP, it's natural to gravitate towards a preference and you shouldn't feel bad for it. And I say this as someone who has suffered recurrent miscarriage- I had a natural preference on sex, of course I would have been delighted with either and of course a healthy baby is paramount, but you're not a bad mother for inwardly hoping for one sex.