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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I couldn't hate my husband any more than I do right now

176 replies

Oliveorangutan · 29/02/2020 23:13

We went out for an evening, everything was fine. I stupidly made a factual comment about something that happened last year that he did that really hurt me.

He went mad. Threw his drink down and shouted at me to f off. He then disappeared for over half an hour, leaving me on my own in the dark in the middle of town. When he comes back to the car, he is furious with me, tells me he hates me, he doesn't love me and only is around for the dc.

I am in bits. Even if he apologises tomorrow, I can never unhear all those things.

OP posts:
ChrissieKeller61 · 02/03/2020 16:28

Don’t waste your life on this shit. It takes time but you will be happier on your own or with ANYONE else that isn’t him

Fluffybutter · 02/03/2020 16:29

Stunned .. I really hope when you woke up and he asked you that ,you told him to fuck off and pack his bags ?!
Disgusting

Toria70 · 02/03/2020 16:31

Why are you acting like his doormat?

You need to find your self respect. He doesn't love you, that much is evident.

partofthepeanutgallery · 02/03/2020 16:44

Wow

If you're happy being a doormat, crack on letting him have his lie ins and doing his favours for the OW while you sort everything.

Crymea · 02/03/2020 16:48

If you're happy being a doormat, crack on letting him have his lie ins and doing his favours for the OW while you sort everything.
This will be your life op.
So you let him just carry on as normal or what did you do?

Inertia · 02/03/2020 16:56

So normal in your marriage is you shut up about him cheating on you and continuing to see the OW because otherwise he'll scream hateful abuse at you, you get on meekly with FT work and running the household and doing all the childcare, and he gets to swan about secretly with OW doing' favours'.

This isn't a marriage. He's treating you like his skivvy while he lavishes his affections on the OW.

He holds you in utter contempt, and sadly that isn't recoverable.

Frankola · 02/03/2020 17:12

I can see why you are upset with the extremity of what he has said.

However. If you frequently bring up past things that you are supposed to have forgiven you are going to get to such a point of invoking a strong reaction.

To forgive means to move on. You shouldn't be mentioning it. You're just starting arguments.

Both of you need to apologise and sort yourselves out.

Frankola · 02/03/2020 17:18

However op I've just read what hes done to you and never mind apologising, give your head a wobble and get out of that marriage

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/03/2020 17:20

The next day, he woke up like nothing had happened and asked if I could get up to sort the children out so he could have a lie in

This was your opportunity to tell him to fuck off. I hope you grabbed it with both hands.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/03/2020 17:22

He doesn't deserve you. Your OP was vague given your update yanbu.
Please don't let him destroy you any further.

UYScuti · 02/03/2020 17:26

The next day, he woke up like nothing had happened and asked if I could get up to sort the children out so he could have a lie in
classic gaslighter modus operandi

TheyDoDoThat · 02/03/2020 17:28

Op as hard as it is to think about you dh is more than likely having an affair. His over the top reaction sets massive alarm bells ringing. Make your plans to leave. You deserve better.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 02/03/2020 17:29

@Frankola - did you actually read the OPs update?

crazeelala2u · 02/03/2020 17:34

You deserve so much better. And I'd be worried that the dc might accidentally see / hear these things and grow up thinking it's OK to do that to others.

Luckybe40 · 02/03/2020 17:48

I too doubt the “emotional affair” has ended and not turned physical, especially with that sort of reaction! I’ve got a DH Somewhat similar, Any slight perceived criticism and I get shredded emotionally. Horrible horrible way to live, I feel your pain. It makes any form of healthy communication impossible.

quitelikedancemusic · 02/03/2020 17:52

He behaved like that to get you to shut up, and to frighten you into not talking about it again.

Lweji · 02/03/2020 17:58

Why are you with him? Hmm

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 02/03/2020 17:59

After reading your OP I was going to suggest that you consider ending the marriage, and after reading your updates I'm going to suggest that you don't bother with much consideration and just get away from him as fast as possible. He sounds like a wanker.

Also, telling you he doesn't love you anymore and is just there for the DC is a big thing. I don't think that's a normal throw away remark said out of anger. Considering that he's had an emotional affair (And are you certain it didn't get physical?) I would say that his mask has slipped.

He keeps telling you who he really is. Listen to him.

MerryDeath · 02/03/2020 18:01

shame! it's a very difficult emotion for people to deal with! no advice... LTB if you can, not an option for me.

bamboolzled · 02/03/2020 18:03

two things

show him is bags and the door

this is wrong and no one needs it

CupoTeap · 03/03/2020 06:33

@Oliveorangutan is this the life you want?

showmewhatyougot · 03/03/2020 07:08

Did you do as he said? Did he get his lay in? If so your part of the problem. Grow a backbone. Why will he change if you let him get away with this much.

PolloDePrimavera · 03/03/2020 21:10

@Oliveorangutan just no. I would rather be single for the rest of my days than put up with this.
I can see why your self respect is so low, you've come to believe you are worth nothing from his treatment of you.
But you are. So this needs to stop. Up to you how: either keep everything calm at home thusly you plot, plan and talk to solicitors etc.
Or you just chuck the bastard out.
It'll be hard but you'll feel a huge sense of relief. One extra point: children want to think of their parents being strong and capable, they won't want to see you struggling and sad and downtrodden.
A PP added lots of useful links, look at them. Good luck OP and I wish you all the strength in ditching the shitbag.

chocorabbit · 04/03/2020 09:59

The OP hasn't come back for a number of days so there is no point continuing with advice which she will not use.

antisupermum · 04/03/2020 11:14

People only get away with what you let them. If you continue to live this life then at some point you are accepting of it and have only yourself to blame for continuing to be unhappy. Have some self respect and make your voice heard in this marriage.Whats the worst that can happen? You split up? Doesn't seem like much of a loss to me. Time to be a grown up.