To think I couldn't hate my husband any more than I do right now

[Oliveorangutan]

We went out for an evening, everything was fine. I stupidly made a factual comment about something that happened last year that he did that really hurt me.

He went mad. Threw his drink down and shouted at me to f off. He then disappeared for over half an hour, leaving me on my own in the dark in the middle of town. When he comes back to the car, he is furious with me, tells me he hates me, he doesn't love me and only is around for the dc.

I am in bits. Even if he apologises tomorrow, I can never unhear all those things.

There's no sensible way of commenting on this without knowing the exact words, tones of voice, etc used by both parties + also knowing the history of these issues within the couple.

Ok. So, this throws things into very firm territory: your (D)H is a cheating, lying, manipulating, controlling shit-bag who wants his cake and eat it. He sees you as the unpaid ‘help’. He is entitled, and aggressive, and utterly fucking selfish.

When are you leaving him?

Op why do you let things just carry in as normal whenever hevis cheating g disrespecting you?

It's only gone back to normal if you are both in on that.

He’s blowing up and being scary and aggressive to try and train you to never mention things he doesn’t want reminding of. ie. his own bad behaviour.

He sounds awful.

What a cunt, did you get up and let him have a lie in? Did you bring it up again? That relationship sounds pretty toxic OP. You deserve better

He sounds horrible.

Lying/cheating with the cheek to throw it back in your face.

You are allowed to leave him.

There is a better life out there for you. It's up to you whether you grab that chance or not, OP.

Why the hell didn't you smother him with his pillow when he asked you to get up with kids?

Everythings back to normal? None of this is 'normal' are you just going to let him treat you like this?

But it didn’t just happen last year did it? It’s still going on. How can he expect you to get past it when he’s still seeing her? I’d make plans to leave the nasty lying bastard.

Do you want your children to grow up and have abusive, cheating partners? Don't stay together for their sake, because that is what you are showing them.

none of this sounds normal at all

In a way, emotional affairs are more deadly than physical affairs if the other person is still in the cheater's life. Death of love by a thousand cuts.

Until he faces up to what he has done and continues to be doing, and takes steps to address it, there is no hope for your marriage.

Have a look at 'Not Just Friends'. I haven't read it, but it is often recommended for people in your situation.

OP, this is horrible. I have, in the past, stayed in a bad situation long after i knew i should have left. When i finally did leave, i felt as if i could start breathing freely again.

I hope you will break free of this abusive relationship. You deserve better, but you are very unlikely to reach a happier place with him.

OP, it's back to normal because you are allowing that!

You say after his emotional affair, nothing was spoken about or resolved and you "JUST WENT BACK TO NORMAL".
That doesn't fix anything. You've both just been play-acting at a marriage too scared to discuss anything.

And neither of you, again, have faced what was said last night and have again just gone back to pretending everything is fine.

So either you both sit down, talk and make a bloody adult decision or you carry on as you are pretending nothing ever happened until the next big thing happens.

Is this the way you want to spend the next 30-40-50 years of your life?

Is this how you want your children to treat their partners and/or think is an acceptable way to be treated?

There's more to situations like this than just 'what will happen to me if I leave?

You deserve better.
Your children deserve to see a better way of living.
He, on the other hand, is an idiot.

OP why are you staying in this horrible relationship? I hope you find the strength to get yourself out of this and start living a happier and healthier life.

Having seen your update, I’m changing my answer! He’s an asshole! I’d seriously consider LTB!

Oh dear

OK, that’s clearer from your update.
Your OP was confusing because I don’t see how you could have “just factually” referred to his emotional affair - and find out he was back at it.

He’s a total arsehole.

What do you need to put in place, to get your life back and him out of it?

This sounds like a horrible way to live OP. I don’t agree that just because you forgive or try to forgive something, that it should never again see the light of day.

I don’t feel there’s any point In analysing what you’ve said. Value yourself, you deserve better than the hairdryer treatment for daring to mention HIS bad behaviour.

It sounds like you are both thoroughly miserable.

Leave.

So are you going to let him keep treating you like a servant whilst he does what he wants?