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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you had your time again would you still Chose to have children?

340 replies

Nofoolfornoone · 29/02/2020 21:40

I’m not asking if you love your children or if you wish they wertent around as I’m sure now you have them you wouldn’t change a thing.

But, I want to know, if you are being totally honest, If you had your time again would you still chose to have children?

OP posts:
rumandbiscuits · 29/02/2020 22:06

Completely agree with you @Breathingunderwater

Biscuitsneeded · 29/02/2020 22:06

Being a parent is undoubtedly the most challenging thing I have ever done, but I wouldn't change it. My children have brought me so much and I have learnt so much from them too.

formerbabe · 29/02/2020 22:07

Not sure

It's full of worry and a lot of drudgery

However, I'd have probably been quite miserable if I'd stayed childfree...just the thought makes me feel a bit aimless and depressed

Harvey3 · 29/02/2020 22:07

100% yes, best thing I've ever done. My son makes me happier than I could ever have imagined - can't imagine not having him now!

bernardswatchplease · 29/02/2020 22:10

Yes all day long

TinyTornado · 29/02/2020 22:17

I never wanted kids and have two. My adult daughter is one of my best friends, and my little son is the love of my life. I would never have ‘chosen’ to get pregnant ( not on purpose anyway) but so, so glad of my ‘mistakes’.

Lekky12 · 29/02/2020 22:17

Yes. My ds1 who is 7 is just great...if his brother was the same... perfect... unfortunately ds2 is a challenge, I roll my eyes and think WTF daily but when it boils down to it, wouldn't change either of them for the world. Although I will sympathise with every single one of ds2s future teachers 🤣...I salute you!

PointOfTipping · 29/02/2020 22:18

I would do it all again yes, but I wish I'd been more realistic beforehand.

I think a lot of people who don't have children hear "it's the best thing you'll ever do", "they're the thing that bring me happiness every day" etc. I love my DD in an overwhelming way and I adore being her parent. I would never change that. However I wasn't prepared for parenting in the whole sense.

For me the reality is that love is accompanied by a huge sense of overwhelming responsibility and pressure, this causes daily anxiety. The feeling that my life isn't my own any more and won't be for at least a few years is something which initially shocked me and takes time to come to terms with. When you've had a career and a carefree life a child changes things in ways you can't explain to someone without one - it's not as simple as having your mum babysit so you can still go out- mentally you are changed forever.

I can honestly say that yes I would do it again and I've experienced a richness of life I was missing, but it's not an easy route to happiness. Fulfilment maybe, but it's hard hard graft.

bengalcat · 29/02/2020 22:20

I would yes but only had one and kept my career so no major changes in my life really

Samtsirch · 29/02/2020 22:21

Oh yes definitely would still have children, I regret not having a third, just couldn’t afford it at the time and then when I could afford it was too old, lol

Arthritica · 29/02/2020 22:21

I voted YANBU before I read your second post.

YANBU to ask.

I might have made some different choices, but I still would have had children. Mine are (officially) adults or near adults. They are joy.n But by god, the journey was hard.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/02/2020 22:22

Mine are in their 30s now and yes, I absolutely would do it all again. I'd make some different parenting choices, sure, who wouldn't? But it's been a wonderful 'ride' and being a mother has been the highlight of my life.

gamerchick · 29/02/2020 22:22

No

angell84 · 29/02/2020 22:23

Why do mothers worry so much. Can anyone explain it?

Any mothers that I know, do seem to think of doomsday scenarios if their child goes anywhere.

Why? What is the point of it? Is it hornonal - to always think of the worst?

angell84 · 29/02/2020 22:23

*hormonal

Confusedasusual78 · 29/02/2020 22:23

Yes, but I can see why some people say no.
I have a different kind of happiness now, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with joy in the moment when singing or cuddling with my girl, that I cry, it’s tve strongest emotion.
Sometimes (and quite frequently) I long for my ‘Old’ life, the old me. It’s such a confusing thing as I would never be without my Dd, I so adore her and my choice would be to always always have her, but I felt a different type of lightness before, a different type of person, it’s been a hard adjustment in many ways and one I don’t speak to anyone about.

angell84 · 29/02/2020 22:28

I don't think that I will have children.

I do think that women were pushed by society into having children, when it is absolutely every individual's choice.

Wineiscooling · 29/02/2020 22:29

Yes definitely! I had my first at 32, 2nd at 36. I'd travelled, worked abroad, done all the drunkard nights out etc. I was ready for the next chapter and love my boys more than anything. They bring so much joy and laughs to my life I can't imagine wishing I'd not had them. I suppose I'm considered an oldish mum but keep myself fit and certainly don't feel tired or tied down. Nothing I enjoy more than a chilled night on a weekend cuddled on sofa with my 2, Maybe because I've done the nights out... I'm not perfect , I get tired and short tempered but can't contemplate a life without.

Original poster
Nofoolfornoone · 29/02/2020 22:31

The poll has been pretty consistent 70/30 split which is interesting.

OP posts:
DonkeyKong2019 · 29/02/2020 22:32

No. There are some people in life who shouldn't be parents and I'm one of them, I have two beautiful children who deserve so much better

SausageSimon · 29/02/2020 22:34

I wouldn't give it up for anything, things could be better but that's life isn't it.

DS is the best thing to happen to me and I hope to experience it all again one day! But the first hurdle is to meet someone...

faracrossthepond · 29/02/2020 22:35

Why is the 70/30 split 'interesting' @Nofoolfornoone

It just proves that 7 out of 10 posters on here don't regret having their children.

SarahAndQuack · 29/02/2020 22:35

Not read the thread so I won't be biased. I will go back and read.

For me: no, not ever. I am so delighted to have my DD. She is the best thing in my life and the one thing my DP and I always agree is wonderful. If I hadn't had her my career would have been enormously better, I would have been richer, etc.

I also don't regret trying for babies who didn't happen. It's sad, but I don't think I would be without the experience. I maybe exclude from that trying IUI when DD was very tiny.

I do sometimes wish I'd have children earlier, too.

7salmonswimming · 29/02/2020 22:37

If you’d asked me in the thick of baby/toddler years I’d have said I regretted it.
Now they’re out of that, it’s already been worth it all.

Maybe it’ll be a different answer in a few years’ time.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 29/02/2020 22:38

Yes! I never thought I wanted children and it was very hard work when they were younger, especially as one pregnancy resulted in twins. However, I've never regretted it for a moment. They are wonderful adults, have a very close relationship with me and with each other, and have given me the most amazing DGC.

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