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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you had your time again would you still Chose to have children?

340 replies

Nofoolfornoone · 29/02/2020 21:40

I’m not asking if you love your children or if you wish they wertent around as I’m sure now you have them you wouldn’t change a thing.

But, I want to know, if you are being totally honest, If you had your time again would you still chose to have children?

OP posts:
SpeckledyHen · 01/03/2020 15:48

100% yes . I was an older mother (39 & 41) and love every mom of it .

SpeckledyHen · 01/03/2020 15:48

*moment not mom

CanICelebrate · 01/03/2020 15:56

Yes absolutely. It’s been bloody hard at times but I love being a mum and if anything I wish I could have another.

Bingeslayer · 01/03/2020 15:57

No,as horrid as it sounds,if I had my time again,I wouldn't have children.
My mental health has suffered greatly,I didn't choose the right father and as a result my children haven't had the best parenting.
They always tell me how much they love me and always want to be with me,but my anxieties and issues mean I assume they cling because they don't feel loved.

GreasyFryUp · 01/03/2020 16:01

No I wouldn't. Maybe if my child wasn't as challenging as they are I'd feel differently. There would be a lot missing from my life without them but I think I'd be happier.

mumme111 · 01/03/2020 16:13

I'm a good mum but don't think I would have kids x

Skysblue · 01/03/2020 17:45

Yes and I wish I’d started a decade earlier so I could have had more.

MsAnnThropic · 01/03/2020 17:46

Yes, but I'd start at least 6 years later.

StillbreathingStillhere · 01/03/2020 17:47

No

moonfacebaby · 01/03/2020 17:57

No, I wouldn’t. I utterly love them both - but bringing them up as a single parent is not what I ever thought I’d have to do. Whilst their Dad sees them EOW, and pays maintenance, he is only present in a third of their lives. I feel an enormous and overwhelming responsibility for them and it’s beyond daunting. There isn’t anyone to step in and take over when I am exhausted and I fret that they aren’t getting the stability that I wanted them to have, or the breadth of input that they would have with both parents around for the majority of the time.

hpvacuum101 · 01/03/2020 18:23

I thought of this thread. I had a great day with my kids and back to work tomorrow now. I have a career which I established before having them so was able to negotiate reduced hours on same salary after having them. That means I am able to start late and finish early and I get loads of time with them. I was also lucky enough to have finished my education and purchased a property before having them plus had a long marriage behind me so was confident that my husband would make a good father for them as well as a supportive partner for me. We both managed to not let our career go and negotiate working hours in a way which saves us a lot of childcare costs. So I think that all helped us to be better parents and enjoy our kids more and feel that yes we will do it all over again given the chance. We would love to have more kids and god willing we will get the chance. I live for the weekend when I have them all day long with me. I am like a mother hen.

hpvacuum101 · 01/03/2020 18:27

My kids are only small 2 & 4.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 01/03/2020 18:29

Yes, they enrich my life. I had a miserable childhood myself and so it's good to get that experience of a happy family life. I had mental health problems when younger so was never sure I'd be in the position of being able to have kids, so I do feel grateful.

Having said that it's wrecked not only my career but my husbands too (we both took our foot off the gas career wise) I didn't care when they were little but I'm beginning to see the damage now. We have enough money to get by but won't be high fliers. Thing is, if I'd not had kids and become a high flier myself I'd be envying the mums. Always something to envy if you're that way inclined.

datasgingercatspot · 01/03/2020 18:30

No

kissmelittleass · 01/03/2020 18:34

Yes no question I absolutely love being a mum and my only regret is that I didn't have more and I've had four!!
To me they are the best thing about me and if I had my time again I would want loads of children.Wink

bettertimesarecomingnow · 01/03/2020 18:50

Yes but not with dh

lynsey91 · 01/03/2020 19:01

@GrumpyHoonMain absolute rubbish. I know plenty of people who say they love their children but if they could go back in time they would not have any. I don't know anyone who chose to be child free who regrets that decision.

Friends with children say their children ruined their bodies and often ruined their marriages\relationships. Lots of my friends have grown up children, grand children and even great grandchildren. Most of them are still getting stress and grief from the children and even the grandchildren\great grandchildren.

Also surely it is much better to regret not having children than having them? Imagine having children and then regretting it although many do. I would suggest it is far more than the 30% on here. I know over the years many many women and men have said they regret having them.

Also, to answer another poster, I think it is definitely a far worse time now to bring children into the world than any other time. Climate change is happening no one can deny that. There is definitely going to be food and water shortages in the future and people are going to face a pretty tough future if not a pretty horrendous one.

Blue565 · 01/03/2020 19:05

I love my kids to bits

But no

motortroll · 01/03/2020 19:08

Ask me again tomorrow....teenagers are dicks!

MadamShazam · 01/03/2020 19:23

Yes absolutley. My DD6 is the love of my life and the best thing I have ever done. ❤

wineandroses1 · 01/03/2020 19:27

My DD is the light of our lives. Never regret having her. But I do regret leaving it late to have children. I wanted to explore the world with my DH first. When we tried to conceive (mid 30s) we had multiple miscarriages, followed by 3 rounds of IVF. The last one worked - twins - a boy and a girl. Sadly our boy died at birth. Our lovely girl lived and was healthy. By that time we were early 40s. So we didn't try for any more babies. I would have loved more children. But she is our delight. And not the least embarrassed that we tend to be the oldest parents dropping a teenager off at school.

So. Have never regretted having her, but definitely regret not doing it in my early 30s or late 20s instead.

WestCountryLady · 01/03/2020 19:39

My children are the best decision I've ever made and I wouldn't change them for the world but I remember this question coming up at a family get together and my dad admitting he would prefer not to have had any children and I really didn't see that coming as he is such a loving dad but I always felt loved and he's a fantastic supportive dad.

m4rdybum · 01/03/2020 19:43

If I'm being honest? I dont think I would have a child again if I was doing it all over again. Or at the very least, made sure I experienced a lot more first.

I find it all overwhelming, tiring and frustrating without reward about 50% of the time.

That being said, I wouldn't leave my DH to be a single parent and ditch my DD now she's here.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 01/03/2020 19:47

Yes, I would have children agin if I’d had a second go.

Weekday28 · 01/03/2020 19:51

If I could choose again I would have stopped at 2. I absolutely love my third obviously but it's really tipped the balance and everything feels like juggling. Maybe in 5 years time when she is almost 10 and my other 2 are older the balance will tip back again? Who knows.

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