AIBU to not go to my Son’s and Dil Gender reveal and other dramas

[Leaannb]

For some odd reason My DIL and her friends have decided to plan her Gender Reveal on March 20 at 4pm to 7pm I have a child that doesn’t even get out of school until 345. I don’t leave the parking lot until 4. After that I still need to drop off one brother at work, pick up my youngest child from daycare at 430, go home change at least her clothes then go pick up my mother,get her ready and then drive 45 minutes to the location of the party. We might get there by 545 if we are lucky because it’s right during rush hour traffic and then we would have to leave by 630 still through rush hour traffic so I can get every body home. So I can take my mother home and get her showered and dressed for the evening. All of this after working a 12 hour day. I love my DIL very much but she really needs to lower her expectations of what our involvement level is going to be. There is absolutely no way we can meet her expectations. At this point I have no idea what to do. Not to mention that I’ve already had to fire her due to her refusal to work.Its just getting ridiculous

Cancel the check! (Go over to direct online pay)

How about calling all employees to get their checks by 2 or whatever as you have a party. Then leave early picking DM up first and taking her with you to pick up the DC. Stay a bit later to avoid rush hour and let the dc with a job get a lift home from a friend or a taxi.

This has to be a wind up! Trying to think what novel or soap this has been taken from. Any ideas?

I live in New Zealand, and gender reveal parties are a thing here, although in a more minor way. I wouldn't even consider going if I were you - your DIL is nuts choosing to hold it at such an early time on a weekday.

I'm more bemused by the pay cheque thing to be honest. I've been paid directly into my bank account since I was 17 or so (I'm 60). Cheques are well and truly on the way out here, some businesses won't accept them as payment, and even benefits have been paid by direct debit for many many years.

Anyone OP, it's a non-issue as far as I can see. Decline the invitation as it is impossible for you to attend - she may well find it is a very small party!

"Anyway" not anyone!

If you want to retain positive relationships with your DIL and son, rearrange your day and go.

So your grandchild is going to be a couple of years younger than your child?
This is weird and a non issue.
"Sorry can't make it, busy" would suffice

I have an appointment with my accountant the first week of pay. If I can guarantee that if one of my employees need one week of pay that they have already worked for an emergency then that’s the way I will go.

I can't see why that would be such an issue to implement, but it really is going above and beyond what most employers do.

Seriously, the US is way behind us when it comes to banking. So stop nagging OP to do stuff that can't be done as easily over there.

I can't think when I last wrote a cheque. Over there people still write cheques/checks ALL the time. They don't have contactless yet either (or at least they didn't when I last talked to my US friends about it last year)

Add to that that OP's staff are paid for the varied hours they do each week, and I can see why payroll is complex for her.

Mumsnet gold 😂

Seriously, the US is way behind us when it comes to banking. So stop nagging OP to do stuff that can't be done as easily over there.

Honestly this.
I've tried hard to exist without checks but it isn't possible over here.
What is possible as OP has already said is pay them into your account via your cell phone which helps.
Banking in the USA is very behind Europe.

OP I wouldn't stress about attending the reveal.

So your grandchild is going to be a couple of years younger than your child?

This situation also happens in some areas of the UK quite a bit.

Well, if nothing else I've learned a lot from this thread.

Im stunned that there is a place in the western world with no online banking or taxis

What does your mother think of this gender reveal nonsense?

@Leaannb
You are a saint! I know you probably don't feel that about yourself...you just do what needs to be done. And it is very caring of you to help your mother. I'm always amazed when adult children do not honour their parents by helping them when needed, if possible. Pretty sad actually. I've very much enjoyed spending the time I've made to help my elderly parents...I've enjoyed getting to know them as adults and have heard wonderful old family stories and about how life was when they were growing up.
@Leaannb
You are continuing a tradition of helping out because these people are your family.
And btw, OP said her youngest is 5 not a baby so GC will be almost 6 years younger that ops DD

I live in a major USA city and recently had to pay university fees. The only way to do this was to pay by electronic check.
This involves typing online all of details of an actual physical check including its individual check number.
So even online banking requires physical check books at times.

OP your DIL must be the luckiest women on the planet to have fallen in with your family.

Honestly, just say no to the party.
Aside from the difficulty in getting to it gender reveals are stupid.

Anyone else picturing the end of Goodfellas with the OP as Ray Liotta rushing round trying to sell the guns deliver the checks, get the nanny on the plane sort out children and mother and be chased by the Feds in a helicopter attend a party?
As far back as you could remember did you always want to run a care business OP?

Personally, I think you're stressing yourself out over nothing.

You can't go due to time/commitments. Your son agrees with this and has even told your DiL that you are in the right. So far, so good

Your DiL has done you dirt and could have gotten you in HUGE trouble with Medicaid. You owe her zip, nada, nothing. Why do you even care if she's upset with you?

@GreenLeaf88 if I didn’t like her I would have let her gone to prison. I actually love her very much. Doesn’t mean I have the ability to go to a party at 4 pm on a Friday afternoon. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it

@midwestspring We have online banking here. As I posted earlier most of my employees deposit their checks right in my office thru their online banking Apps and then ask me to shred the check.

@MissFitton Nope. Not really. I kinda fell into it after getting my BSN after retiring from 22 years in the USAF as a F15E Maintainer

@midwestspring I haven’t had an actual check book in 25 years. To pay University fees all you need is a routing and account number. You don’t need an actual check. I know lots of people who don’t even use banks. Just pre-paid debit cards. My own bank doesn’t have a brick and mortar building it’s all online

@SaraClara I haven’t personally seen anyone actually write a check in 17 years or more. The last time I wrote a check was in 1998 at the bank on base at RAF Lakenheath in the late 90s

Snowman123 I can’t arrange my day and go. It affects a lot more people than me. Even if I could get 150 people to pick up their checks by 3 I still couldn’t get there due to my children being in school. At 4 pm I’m still in the parking lot of the middle school, then I have to go pick up my daughter, get her looking half way decent, then go and help my mom get dressed and loaded up and then drive 45 minutes to the party. Depending on traffic getting into Houston,Texas I would be very fortunate indeed to get there by 6. Let alone by 4. The timing is just too tight

I have an online banking app for my bank.
I did however have to give in and order a checkbook because managing without one was just not possible. I hadn't had one for years in the UK.
My online Uni payment was by the method I described but I am not in the same area of the US as you are OP.

@Horehound Yes my daughter and her niece/nephew will be 6 years apart.