AIBU to not go to my Son’s and Dil Gender reveal and other dramas

[Leaannb]

For some odd reason My DIL and her friends have decided to plan her Gender Reveal on March 20 at 4pm to 7pm I have a child that doesn’t even get out of school until 345. I don’t leave the parking lot until 4. After that I still need to drop off one brother at work, pick up my youngest child from daycare at 430, go home change at least her clothes then go pick up my mother,get her ready and then drive 45 minutes to the location of the party. We might get there by 545 if we are lucky because it’s right during rush hour traffic and then we would have to leave by 630 still through rush hour traffic so I can get every body home. So I can take my mother home and get her showered and dressed for the evening. All of this after working a 12 hour day. I love my DIL very much but she really needs to lower her expectations of what our involvement level is going to be. There is absolutely no way we can meet her expectations. At this point I have no idea what to do. Not to mention that I’ve already had to fire her due to her refusal to work.Its just getting ridiculous

YANBU. Bloody pointless and she sounds awful.

you work twelve hour days to hand deliver pay cheques?
Wouldn't it be easier for you and your employees to pay by bank transfer?

**

The scan picked up the genitals but not the lack of a hand?

I can't get past that you deliver cheques to your employees. Every week. Do you not have online banking in the US?

I'd imagine she has arranged at this time so you don't attend.
If you can't make it ask her to call you to reveal the gender Why are you making it into some sort of drama, I doubt many could make it at that time.

You most definitely cannot divorce hear while pregnant. In my state you have to be legally separated for a complete year just to file for divorce for this very exact reason

This is maybe half-true. Alabama is a month; Mississippi is two. The longest, as far as I know, is Louisiana which is 6 months. I don't think it's a year anywhere in the south.

The only exception for pregnancy is Texas, but you can still file and then have the decree granted when the baby is born. It's what most people suggest, as it keeps things from dragging out after the birth of a baby.

(One of my friends is an American divorce attorney; we had a lot of fun talking about idiosyncrasies over dinner one night.)

As an employer is delivering pay cheques really the best use of your time?? You need to state to your employees with effect from a set date cheques will be paid direct or can be collected from the office on a Friday. This will free up some much needed time for you by the sound of things. I’ve never had an employer or known of one for that matter that delivers pay cheques...ridiculous.
As regards the party just give your apologies, if people are declining to go due to the timings she has 2 options either change the date/ time or continue but accept people won’t be there. Ball is in her court.

Don't the pay checks go directly into their bank accounts. I thought traditional pay packets had disappeared years ago?

You fired your pregnant daughter-in-law?

Why not fire a lazy worker? Maybe the DIL was assumiong she could do as little as possible because her boss was her MIL and she could play the 'Oh but I'm pregnant' card.'

I hasten to add that this is not legal advice! Just what I understood re: divorce.

OP, as for direct deposit, I'm assuming a lot of your employees don't have a bank and rely on check cashing places? If so, I agree that having them pick up might be the way forward. I know it's expensive for them to drive and get them from you, but it doesn't make sense to do it the way you are. If there's a credit union or a local bank around, they probably have fewer fees, and I'd encourage your employees to get a bank account. Many places now require you to have direct deposit, so it's good for them for the long run.

Even when there were traditional pay packets, bosses did not drive to your home to deliver them.

Why would you deliver pay cheques anyway? Either they have them paid automatically or they collect them themselves.

Gender reveals are stupid anyway. In my mind they're called 'births'. So if it's inconvenient for you that's even more of a good reason to ditch it.

I don't get Americans. The world is going all to cock, full of plastic and a climate that's up the spout, but oh no! They don't have any issue with wasting more plastic, helium and all the rest of the shite on materialistic events like this. Don't get me started on the '100 layers of glitter slime' YouTubers that are out there. I'd like them to fall in the slime and fucking drown.

Sorry... rant over.

Not all US banks do online transfers. I know this from dealing with US situs clients. Direct deposit of paycheques on this side of the pond is usually handled by outside firms, who also deal with all source deductions.

Culturally, it would be unusual to hold a party from 4 to 7 pm, as that’s when parents pick up children at school and then there’s rush hour traffic.

In your shoes, OP, I would just tell her I’m sorry, it’s a payday and I can’t make it.

I love everything about this thread. That said, I'm a huge John Grisham fan too.

@NancyDrawn Most of my employees do pick up their checks before close. But I have few who are at client’ houses at that time so I always deliver their checks. Occasionally, there have been a few emergencies where they aren’t able to pick it up. For instance I had an employee whose husband had a carburetor blow up in his face and was at the Emergency Department. I made sure she had her paycheck just in case he needed medicines and I also had dinner door dashed to her her house for her kids

@Leaannb
I don't understand how some pp are missing the FACT that your DIL was trying to commit Medicaid fraud involving the United States Federal government and you had to bail her out of the fraud..I'd say you doing this for her almost absolves you from any other MIL duties for awhile....and of course you are going to be a fabulous involved gran to that precious GC....you've proven you don't know how to be any other way after taking such care with your own DC and still caring for your DM, too.
Please pp, she kept this DIL out of Federal prison....let's cut her a break.
I have a very mature DIL...she didn't find the need for a gender reveal...she just called to let us know...plus those ultrasounds aren't always 100 accurate.

I think the party should take place in the BBQ restaurant then everyone can go and eat and it'll be less stressful all round.

@Nancydrawn Florida, Texas,Arizona and Missouri refuse divorce while pregnant. Maryland and Nevada has a 1 year waiting period for filing for divorce. North Carolina requires 1 year legal separation for filing for divorce. Conniving has an 18 month waiting period. Several other states require either a 1 year waiting period or an 18 month waiting period before receiving their divorce deceees

Just pay them by bank transfer! It takes seconds. Don't pick your stupid son up from work. Tell your idiot DIL that you are busy. Go home and sit down. Stop creating fucking things to do that you don't need to.

LynetteScavo That’s what everyone is saying including the owner of the restaurant. He offered her the party room and free catering for 150 people and she turned it down

Fiishinabycycle I have to pick him up. He doesn’t have a license and he needs to make the nightly deposit. In the states public transportation is very hit or miss. My area doesn’t even have taxis, Uber or Lyft. Let alone buses of any kind. He has another 6 months of medical license suspension before he even has the ability to get his license back

@Leaannb
Well there you go about her not wanting to be reasonable about changing the location and taking advantage of an extremely generous offer....its All about her and her wishes

@nowlook I’ve actually met John Grisham, Nicolas Sparks and Nora Roberts and Brad Melzter All of them very lovely people

Our ‘gender reveal’ consisted of ringing our parents and saying we’re having a boy’. Done.

I really don’t get these gender reveal things. So self-absorbed. Like everyone else’s life has to revolve around this information.

Your son seems to be very much on your side so leave him to deal with his wife on this. Especially as you are one of many who can’t go. Hopefully she will calm down and see reason.