Please tell me if AIBU re money

[rumandbiscuits]

I am getting married soon and the wedding has turned out to be bigger than previously expected.
My Dad has given us £6,000
My Mum £1000
My FIL £3000
Myself £5000
And my OH £5000

We still however are starting to run short now that all the final bills have been paid and we are approaching the big day. My OH has recently bought his wedding ring out of his own account (£825) and come to me today and said he wants me to reimburse him out of the wedding account for it but trouble is we don't have enough in there to pay it so will both have to put more money in plus more for other last minute bits. I daren't say it to him because I don't know if I'm being a CF but my family have put in more money than his and therefore want to say can't you just pay for your own ring?

For context he has about £10,000 in savings and is able to put money away every month and I have £18,000 (an inheritance I got from my grandad that has dramatically dropped because I am unable to save due to not earning enough to be able to).

He works full time and earns £3000 a month
I work part time (to look after our daughter the other two days so we don't have to pay for child care) and earn £1000 per month.

dh had a plain silver wedding band from Etsy which cost £20. There’s no reason at all to have expensive wedding bands - no one can tell the difference.

Silver tarnishes. Gold and platinum doesn’t.

Fucking hell are people actually reading my posts?

Yes. Yes they are. It's a shame everyone hasn't jumped to to agree with you eh

We do both have money but we have gone over our original budget unfortunately.

What happened when you started to go over budget? Who noticed it? What did you (together) de odd to do about it?

if you're so well off, why are you begrudging him his choice of wedding ring

I wondered this too 😐

I would have an honest conversation with him. If he doesnt like what you have to say then tough! Best of luck with the wedding.

DimplesMcGee, I have some silver jewellery including a ring and none of it has tarnished. In any case all you need to do is rub with a silver polishing cloth.

I'm all for people having what they want on their wedding day but £20K does seem an awful lot as does £8-900 for a wedding ring. I don't see the point, frankly, when a good, smart and tasteful wedding can be had for far less and a plain wedding band does just as well as an expensive one.

Entirely up to you though, op. I hope it's worth the expense and that the marriage lasts. Congratulations in advance.

Sounds like you are overspending on this wedding, maybe should have done it before starting a family. His, hers, mine, yours... why are you even talking like that.
All sounds very childish and selfish to me

I don't get it? I'm getting pissy because people aren't agreeing with me? People aren't agreeing with me about what exactly?

You're all discussing how much I have spent on my wedding not about whether it would be unreasonable for me to ask my OH to contribute more given the circumstances.

I take on board completely the people who have answered my OP and think I should be paying for his ring or I'm being unreasonable because my dress cost a lot of money. My post isn't aimed at these people.

Seriously I am going to stop reading now because I feel like me and OH have come to a solution we are both happy with thanks to posters on this board giving their suggestions so need no for me to read further and get wound up.

Silver does tarnish - it’s a matter of chemistry, not anecdata. Gold and platinum are non-reactive metals so you never have to give them a rub with a silver polishing cloth. For some people, that’s worth the premium.

In saying that, DH chose palladium instead of platinum because it was half as expensive - but I wouldn’t have resented him choosing platinum if he’d wanted it, especially not with £28k savings in the bank between us!

@rumandbiscuits I think you can turn notifications off for a post. Probably worth doing.

You asked 'AIBU to want him to pay for his ring' - people said you were and you accepted that. I can see why it would be frustrating that people are focusing on the £20k part of things. That's really neither here nor there, but it's a public forum so people will comment on whatever information you give them.

I'm guessing based on what you've said you're probably both going to go in 50:50 for any additional wedding costs (including the ring)? That's pretty much what me and my husband did too - and I absolutely don't understand why anyone has an opinion on the ring being £825 - out of every single thing in the wedding your rings, guests and to some extent the photographer are arguably the most important parts. Imagine that you're together for the next... 60 years? That's 3.8p per day for his ring bargain!

Good luck with everything - I hope you have a lovely day.

You've already spent £20,000 on your wedding?

Christ. £20,000 already and you're running out of money. You are a pair of idiots. It's not exactly a tight budget.

£20K on a wedding that lasts a day- when you can't realy afford it.

Batshit thinking.

You're all discussing how much I have spent on my wedding not about whether it would be unreasonable for me to ask my OH to contribute more given the circumstances.

Because it's relevant to the conversation!

You've spent 20k yet you're bickering about whether spending even more money is necessary or not. If you couldn't afford to go over your budget without dipping further into your savings, you should have cut costs elsewhere.

What people are trying to say to you is that if you'd budgeted properly to start with and stuck to your 20k, nobody would need to spend even more money on rings. You chose to go over your budget and now you're facing the consequences of that.

What a smug post, Dimples!

And yes - I think weddings in general are a massive waste of money. Sorry if that doesn't fit with your world view but there you go.

Re the ring 'before I reimburse you for the ring we will both need to make a £1000 contribution to the wedding fund for the remaining things we need, as the money we have been gifted has run out'.

Tbh I wouldnt have spent 20 grand on a wedding if I had to dip into savings due to a low wage.

Whether or not 20k for a wedding is a lot is completely subjective. Same with if 90k for a car is a lot, or 3m for a house. If you think it’s expensive depends on your personal circumstances, doesn’t it?

OP has 28k in the bank after her wedding is over so seems totally fine. It’s just silly to quibble over the ring.

Thisis how, exactly? I’m just giving my opinion that spending £800 on a ring you’ll wear for the rest of your life isn’t exactly unreasonable. How is it any smugger than the PP’s post saying she spent £20k on a wedding but only £20 on her DH’s ring because that’s enough? We spent probably £5k or less on our extremely quiet wedding and DH’s ring was twice as expensive as my dress, because we put a premium on getting something that would last rather than on a big party that would be over with a day later. If that’s smug, 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are getting married.
Sit down and tell him how you feel. Your worries about your finances. How much this party is costing you both.
Plan together how to sort this out?

Sorry, Dimples, I thought you were gratuitously announcing you had 28 grand in the bank... Apologies.

WTF. You have spent how much on what.

Thatis ahahahahahaha I wish!

Get him to buy you a calculator instead.