Please tell me if AIBU re money

[rumandbiscuits]

I am getting married soon and the wedding has turned out to be bigger than previously expected.
My Dad has given us £6,000
My Mum £1000
My FIL £3000
Myself £5000
And my OH £5000

We still however are starting to run short now that all the final bills have been paid and we are approaching the big day. My OH has recently bought his wedding ring out of his own account (£825) and come to me today and said he wants me to reimburse him out of the wedding account for it but trouble is we don't have enough in there to pay it so will both have to put more money in plus more for other last minute bits. I daren't say it to him because I don't know if I'm being a CF but my family have put in more money than his and therefore want to say can't you just pay for your own ring?

For context he has about £10,000 in savings and is able to put money away every month and I have £18,000 (an inheritance I got from my grandad that has dramatically dropped because I am unable to save due to not earning enough to be able to).

He works full time and earns £3000 a month
I work part time (to look after our daughter the other two days so we don't have to pay for child care) and earn £1000 per month.

Spend less on the wedding! You seem lucky to be financially stable. Why not have a smaller wedding and pay off a lump sum off the mortgage? I got married in a local church and reception in a village hall. We fed and watered (firewater!) 100 people. All in with honey moon we spent 5k, it was a great day and everyone all ways comments how fun our wedding was. No cars, no DH ring, self decorated the hall and used a film set caterer instead of a wedding caterer.

I can't think of any vile comments I have seen. Maybe I've missed those

OP, if that was directed at me, I didn't say you were getting pissy because people didn't agree with you, I said you were getting upset because of the replies you were getting. In AIBU.

And as it has been pointed out, you can not control what other people write on a public forum

YABU to spend £20k on a wedding

I can't get past the fact that you're being GIFTED 20 thousand pounds for your wedding and not expecting to pay anything towards it yourselves!

Is this an zombie post from the 1800s?

They’re not! They’ve contributed half of it themselves. And so what if their parents want to contribute, it’s not like they’re making out the barclaycard.

@QuizzlyBear

Maybe you are a zombie. Judging by your ability to read.

Sorry, I meant your fiancé not contributing, not you!

Oh FML, I've reread the OP. I obviously need to go to bed.

Which indicates you’ve got yourself to the stage now, it’s not about the marriage any more, it’s all about the wedding for you. If it was about the marriage then the first thing you’d wish to do is buy your husband a ring. This.

In answer to your op yes I do think you're being unreasonable to get him to buy his own ring when I assume he bought your engagement ring and your dress etc are coming out of the joint fund. It seems from my perspective the wedding is all about you and he can just have the leftovers.

When the average wedding cost is quoted in magazines etc, that's the total cost of the wedding including what guests have spent and travel etc. It's not what the couple themselves have spent. It's also not a target.....

When the average wedding cost is quoted in magazines etc, that's the total cost of the wedding including what guests have spent and travel

What? Are you sure? It was broken down in some wedding magazines I had when engaged and it only included the couple’s outlay.

£5k all day for the 'lovely manor house' - fair
£1k gifts for the minister, mother of groom gifts - what the fuck is this???
£2k bride's hair/make-up & that of her bridal party - ???
£1k some kind of conveyance from church to hall for bride & groom - ???????
£1k conveyance for others church to hall - why???
£1k bride & groom's wedding night hotel digs - doesn't need to be anywhere near???
£1k groom & men's outfits
£4k bride & bridesmaids clothes - - ???
£1k flowers
£1k cake - now I know you are on glue
£10k = £100/head for 50 guests - what the fuck is the 5k at the start for then?

If it was about the marriage then the first thing you’d wish to do is buy your husband a ring

Accurate as ever ...

NoveltyFunsy
Indeed; admittedly we were married nearly 30 years ago but I still have the folder.

Manor House - grandparent's
1/2 marquee along back of house and table/chair rental £900
Caterers for 100 - £2000
Fizz, Pimms, Beer £1250
My froc, going away and BM £1000 and yes, I was v extravagant
Flowers: bouquets, button holes, church, reception - £300 (mother did reception from garden)
Announcements, invitations, order of service £500 - this was expensive!
Cake £70
String Quartet £350
Photographer £350
Hair £40 - me and bm
Make-up - new eye shadow and lippy £20
Cars - stepfather's and grandad's - ribbon £5
Suits for DH, BM and ushers - they all had tails for other people's weddings
Church - not much

About £7k - it was a long time ago but it was the best day of my life and there was nothing in the least pretentious about it.

Yes I totally made those numbers up... I was hoping OP would give us real numbers. What do people spend on make up & hair then, for say 1 bride & 4 bridesmaids?

@lljkk
Hair was £275 for me and 4 bridesmaids
Make-up was £135 for me and 4 bridesmaids

This was in 2016 and also included a hair and make-up trial for me.

Sorry no - me and 3 bridesmaids!

Your attitude to all of this is bizarre. It’s not ‘you and your family’ versus ‘him and his family’; you and your fiancé should be paying for your wedding, with any contributions from family accepted gratefully but not compared. And it sounds like you need to combine your finances now.

I’m a bit of a spendthrift myself, but 20k on your wedding is OTT. Especially as it doesn’t seem like you can afford it. You should try to cut that cost down.

Your marriage is already fundamentally flawed if you can’t productively discuss this with him.

Why do people spend £20k on a day? Why does a wedding ring cost £825? I genuinely don't get why you would waste money on one day and then get really stressed about it. What's the point?

To be honest, I think him spending over £800 for a wedding band is excessive considering you don't have the budget for it. Is he getting it from Cartier or something? Should have discussed it with you beforehand to be honest.

My wedding cost 6 grand and included absolutely everything for the day and 10 day abroad honeymoon.

For all those people giving their (unwanted) opinion about whether you think the OP has spent too much on the wedding, or the ring, or whatever else.
That wasn't the question the OP asked, and quite frankly, I doubt she very much cares what you think. Stop trying to turn a beautiful and exciting day into something negative.

Honestly some people are unbelievable.

You don’t even earn enough to save, but you’ll piss away £20K on a wedding?
Seriously - have a word with yourself.