Please tell me if AIBU re money

[rumandbiscuits]

I am getting married soon and the wedding has turned out to be bigger than previously expected.
My Dad has given us £6,000
My Mum £1000
My FIL £3000
Myself £5000
And my OH £5000

We still however are starting to run short now that all the final bills have been paid and we are approaching the big day. My OH has recently bought his wedding ring out of his own account (£825) and come to me today and said he wants me to reimburse him out of the wedding account for it but trouble is we don't have enough in there to pay it so will both have to put more money in plus more for other last minute bits. I daren't say it to him because I don't know if I'm being a CF but my family have put in more money than his and therefore want to say can't you just pay for your own ring?

For context he has about £10,000 in savings and is able to put money away every month and I have £18,000 (an inheritance I got from my grandad that has dramatically dropped because I am unable to save due to not earning enough to be able to).

He works full time and earns £3000 a month
I work part time (to look after our daughter the other two days so we don't have to pay for child care) and earn £1000 per month.

All the things you could do with 20k and you're complaining it's not enough money for a party.

@NoveltyFunsy

Great post - exactly what went through my head.

@BackforGood thanks, I tried to mix it up a bit from just what the fuck???

I’ll keep this short. YABU.

Running out of money on a wedding you can’t really afford, begrudging your OH the wedding ring of his choice. Counting an “us” and “them” about contributed money for the wedding.

IMO, an £800 ring that he’ll wear every day forever is much better value than a £20k party.

I think you're getting stick, OP, because you have a fecking massive budget for a wedding, yet you admit you haven't budgeted properly in order to be able to buy one of the most fundamental items.

You admit the wedding "has turned out to be bigger than expected"..and you haven't even factored in the rings?!

I can well believe the average wedding in the UK is 32k. But that's taking into account the super-huge multi-million-pound blowouts that skew the average upwards. 32k is not a normal amount to spend on a wedding for Mr and Ms Average , and £20k is just absurd when you, as an individual, earn £1k a month and don't have enough to save.

For context, my wedding and honeymoon, together, cost £7k and that wasn't skimping. It felt like a massive expenditure,
which it was. If I did it again I wouldn't spend that.

From what you've said - and the subsequent overreactions in your posts - it seems you've got carried away with hosting a big event, rather than the marriage itself. I think you'll look back on this and kick yourself for focusing more on the Big Day then on your apparent inability to communicate about essentials such as family finances.

My partner and I going on 15 years now not married and one on the way. If I need something he will get it for me if he needs something I'll get it for him. His money is mine and mine his.

However your is earning significantly more than you and everyone is entitled to their own money and savings if they wish so don't feel you have to part with your money but also can't ask him to rip into his savings. If you have set a budget for the wedding stick to it. If he bought the ring without talking to you then challenge it. Anything over £150 really should be a joint decision in my mind.

If you can't talk frankly with your partner, question why. Money is a tricky subject but you should be able to discuss it and you should be able to do so on equal footing. If he bullies you into doing what he wants do you really want to marry him?