DD dating someone much older

[bawesp]

Hi all, DD is 14 (August 2005) and has told me she has been dating a boy for a month now. She’s in Year 10, and this boy is 17 (September 2002), so Year 12.

So that’s a 2 year and 11 month age gap.

DD is very mature and educated for her age, and this boy is apparently very intelligent. She told me that they would never think of getting together, they were in the same friend group (ages 14-17) and it “happened”.

She’s told me they’ve only kissed and done nothing more. They don’t go to the same school either, she’s at an all girls and he’s at an all boys.

He’s going to be 18 in September when she’s 15. That’s a hell of a big gap. What will her dad say? That’s my concern. And her friends?

She’s told me she’s never been happier and nor has he, she wants to introduce him.

What should I tell her? I feel like he’s much too old for him.

AIBU to ask her to break up with him? :(

It’s not grooming, society is all messed up.
The age thing isn’t that bad, as friends of mine had boyfriends at this age.
It’s just you don’t want your kids having sex do young
But lots do and always have

Well you just don’t know
I didn’t at that age.
But who knows

Why would a 17, nearly 18, year old want to be in a relationship with a child? Because she's naive, inexperienced, easy to control and easy to groom.

Being sensible or "mature for 14" will make no difference to him grooming and raping her.

Good God, what a grim outlook you have on life.

It’s not a huge gap and like there’s have said “he will be going to uni soon”, chances are it will end when he goes so I would just sit tight.

Crazy how people are saying it isn’t a huge age gap!
It’s huge considering that she’s 14 !

I know a lot of posters wouldn’t be happy if their 14 year old was dating a 17 year old. Despite all the “ it’s not a huge age gap “

It's not grooming for goodness sake. They are both teenagers. Since when has it been weird for a 17-18 year old to be involved with someone still at school. It's often fairly innocent at that age too. Probably just sitting in macdonalds with mates and going to the cinema. Yes sometimes teenagers have sex. It's not ideal. But if her mum explains to her no funny business in her house and to make sure she tells her or uses condoms then hopefully her daughter will be responsible if she chooses to go further with this lad in the future. She has a mind of her own at nearly 15. She is not being groomed by a creep in his 20s or 30s. She's with her own age group. Poor lad. He might be a lovely lad who hasnt had sex yet and will be too nervous to consider it for ages. Not every lad is a sex obsessed perve!

Crazy how people are saying it isn’t a huge age gap!

Yeah isn't it CRAZY that people have different opinions?!

Crazy how people are saying it isn’t a huge age gap!

Yeah, mad how people have different opinions, isn't it?!

Copycat

You two twins or something hahaha

@sofonisba - just wondering if you have teens this age and if so, what do they think?

I’m not having a go at all because I get how a few years doesn’t seem that big a deal but from my experience with both 15 year old DD and 13 year old DS and their fairly big friendship groups, it really is.

18 year old going out with a nearly 21 year old

35 year old going out with a nearly 37 year old

86 year old going out with a nearly 83 year old... all perfectly fine apparently

14 dating a 17 year old, 17 year old called a Peado, sex offender, rapist nonse etc....

Since when has it been weird for a 17-18 year old to be involved with someone still at school.

Not at all weird if they are involved with someone at school who is also 17-18. But 14? Nah.

YABU ‘much older’ I thought this was gonna be a 10 year age gap fgs.

I get how a few years doesn’t seem that big a deal but from my experience with both 15 year old DD and 13 year old DS and their fairly big friendship groups, it really is.

I don't really understand why you ask? OP is asking for the opinions of other parents, not their kids!

I’ve just asked ds who is 14 and he says there is loads of boys and girls dating the school peers in the years above or below.

I definitely wouldn’t have been happy with this, not a big gap at 18 and 21 or 29 and 32 but she’s a child and he’s almost an adult.

18 year old going out with a nearly 21 year old

Adults.

35 year old going out with a nearly 37 year old

Adults

*86 year old going out with a nearly 83 year old... all perfectly fine apparently
**
*Adults

14 dating a 17 year old, 17 year old called a Peado, sex offender, rapist nonse etc....

FOURTEEN - most definitely not an adult

Can you really not see the difference?

17 year old is also still a child, so why is the 14 year old not being called offensive names.

Can you not see the difference

I'm sorry but why's it always the boy who gets accused of being the one that could be a bad idea. Again he could well be an innocent nice young lad who's got no clue about sex and doesn't want that for a long time. She's not a child. She's a teenager like him. He's also a child if she is. He's still at school FFS. Still getting his education. Yes if he's a cocky pushy lad then her mum has the right to worry and discourage it. But if he's a nice lad then there is no harm them hanging about with friends and having a kiss. If they are involved for many months and choose to take their relationship further then they need to take the correct procautions. That's an if aswel. Plenty of teenage girls have sex and it's not because they have been pressured. Its a choice they can make for themselves. First loves and all that. It's always happened. It's not fair to call males predators in every situation where he's older. Maybe the girls his age are with the 19 year olds. There's six years between me and my partner. I don't know anyone the same age. Gaps from 4-13 years between my friends.

@sofinisba - because a lot of people are answering based on what their experience of being a teen was like. A lot has changed and it is not considered the norm for this type of relationship at my kids’ school. I think it’s important for the OP to know that.

Fine if you don’t want to answer my question though - think I can guess the answer.

*17 year old is also still a child, so why is the 14 year old not being called offensive names.
**
*Can you not see the difference

The whole point is that yes, I do see a difference.

Its a tiny age gap - girls are much more mature than boys in their teens.

100% not happy, he will more likely want to experiment unless its a platonic boy/girl relationship which doesn't seem realistic. she is underage. huge difference between 14 and 17 to 17-20 year old or 18-21 year old.

I get that girls are more mature than boys but in my opinion its a safeguarding issue. even the most sensible people make mistakes.

Canshopwillshop

You're trying to imply my opinion is invalid because it doesn't fit with how YOU think the OP's question needs to be answered. Don't reply to me again.