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Original poster

Would you want to know if your husband did this?

179 replies

sooty333 · 27/02/2020 17:51

Would you want to know if your husband had done these things and would you blame the woman in this scenario?

If he:
Became friends with a woman over 30 years younger

  • Started messaging said woman at all hours, even when she didn't reply he would hassle with follow up messages
  • Asked said woman to meet up for lunch (which she went to as friends)
  • Asked said woman to stay over at your house while you were away for the weekend (which said woman refused)
  • Kissed said woman against her will and touched her inappropriately
  • Told said woman he loves her, that she's the most beautiful woman in the world and he wishes he had met her 30 years ago and could marry her
  • when said woman told him to leave her alone, he sent constant messages asking why and declarations of love

Assuming you are in your 50s/60s you want to know, or considering said woman is not going to have an affair with your husband would you want to live in ignorant bliss and have an easy life?

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 27/02/2020 18:41

@Ginger1982 - I thought the same. Is it the op the younger woman in the scenario, and she’s debating telling the wife?

LonginesPrime · 27/02/2020 18:41

Report him to the police, OP.

It doesn't look like you work with him, but if you do, report him to HR.

The messenger usually gets shot in these situations so while it looks kind to tell the wife, it's better for you that it doesn't come from you.

Also, if they've been together years, she probably has some idea he's a creepy sex pest by now so she might not thank you for the information.

Just go to the police.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 27/02/2020 18:41

Oh, are you the woman he has assaulted and is harassing? You want to know whether you should tell his wife?

If so, tell the police first. Try and protect other women from him and save yourself from further harassment. Maybe you don't know quite how obsessed he is and what he is capable of.

CorianderLord · 27/02/2020 18:42

I would want to know that my husband had been molesting and harassing a young woman yes. So I could proceed to divorce him and hope to help protect her.

Poor thing, both women are victims of a sloppy man.

As a woman in my mid 20s if this happened I'd want him fired too.

YeahWhatevver · 27/02/2020 18:43

Agree, about HR and the police rather than directly

There might be other reports already on the system

GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/02/2020 18:44

100% would want to know so I could leave the scummy prick, and would want him reported for sexual harassment/assault.

There's a chance she'll believe his bullshit and blame you, though.
It won't be the first or last time he's done it.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 27/02/2020 18:46

Yes, but just be prepared for her not to believe you.

NonStopDisco · 27/02/2020 18:47

@BumbleBeee69 sexual harassment usually happens between people who know each other, where one person has a significant power advantage over the other. Often, people even like their abusers. Human actions are often illogical, it doesn't excuse any of this man's behaviours.

justasking111 · 27/02/2020 18:47

When I was a newly wed my boss very senior position 30 years older came onto me like this. Collared me for a kiss and a grope at work. I was terrified of losing my job so said nothing. I have sympathy for the young woman here. As for the wife, some want to know, some do not.

NonStopDisco · 27/02/2020 18:52

It's not really the wife that needs to know, it's the police. A crime has been committed against the woman, she has no blame in this scenario. It's also not her responsibility to tell the wife, and to cope with the backlash that may or may not come from her finding out.

dorisdog · 27/02/2020 18:53

I'd want to know, but that's beside the point. The woman in question might want to report his behaviour to a workplace and/or police. My feelings about having an easy life would be irrelevant really.

pussycatinboots · 27/02/2020 18:55

The Police would want to know
and so would I, so I could get a bloody good divorce lawyer.

Mixitupalot · 27/02/2020 18:59

Yes, then I would immediately file for divorce!

2020newme · 27/02/2020 19:00

Yes. I am in that age group and would definitely want to know.

However, this man's wife may well shoot the messenger and want to paint you as the strumpet who tried to lure poor Barry away Grin

Ponoka7 · 27/02/2020 19:01

No one can say if she would want to know.

I know many women in their late 40's who decided to ignore this sort of 'embarrassing' behaviour. Now they are in their 50's, they aren't going to leave and would not entertain accusations unless the accuser went to the Police.

It's depressing how many independent women will cling on to their Husband and minimise it for the sake of their adult/teen children.

He could become a real problem, it isn't right to take it to the wife to fix. It's absolving men and making women responsible.

You need to give him a wide berth.

strawberry2017 · 27/02/2020 19:01

I've reported my own post, I didn't read the OP correctly, I thought I'd read it as she had slept at his house, which whilst this would never excuse the behaviour of the man in any way I found it odd - I now realise I had read it incorrectly. Apologies if my original comment offends anyone.
I agree with PP, sounds like the wife needs to know and the police too.

iheartislesofwight · 27/02/2020 19:04

dementia ffs, that's a new excuse, i'm surprised weinstein didn't use that as an excuse.

SunshineCake · 27/02/2020 19:05

How on earth could you think anyone could blame the woman in any of those scenarios?Hmm.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/02/2020 19:07

@SunshineCake because he'll tell the wife she's just a psycho who tried it on with him/she's upset because she didn't get a promotion and she's a homewrecker blah blah

RippleEffects · 27/02/2020 19:10

I would want the information but not to be verbally told. Id like to digest such a violation of my marriage privately, maybe with the option of making contact on my terms.

Is there a way you could create a paper timeline with photos of messages etc, print it out, pop it in an envelope and pass it to her.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/02/2020 19:13

I would want to kno.

Would I blame her? Only because she he said he wished he'd met her 30 years ago, she didn't tell him that she was still a foetus!

Where have these unwanted attentions occurred? Has she told anyone else (HR, friends etc)?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 27/02/2020 19:15

@Winterlife

This could be an early indication of dementia. You should push him to be tested.

This occurred to me as well, because his behaviour is so disgusting. Of course, he could just be a disgusting sleazebag.

Definitely tell his wife and HR if he's a colleague. If you're the woman involved, OP, I hope you're OK. Flowers

Emmelina · 27/02/2020 19:17

I absolutely would want to know.

Yestermost · 27/02/2020 19:17

Definitely tell me.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/02/2020 19:19

This could be an early indication of dementia. You should push him to be tested

Yes, yes - this is obviously the only possible explanation. Just as every awful, bullying child must be autistic. Hmm

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