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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you want to know if your husband did this?

179 replies

sooty333 · 27/02/2020 17:51

Would you want to know if your husband had done these things and would you blame the woman in this scenario?

If he:
Became friends with a woman over 30 years younger

  • Started messaging said woman at all hours, even when she didn't reply he would hassle with follow up messages
  • Asked said woman to meet up for lunch (which she went to as friends)
  • Asked said woman to stay over at your house while you were away for the weekend (which said woman refused)
  • Kissed said woman against her will and touched her inappropriately
  • Told said woman he loves her, that she's the most beautiful woman in the world and he wishes he had met her 30 years ago and could marry her
  • when said woman told him to leave her alone, he sent constant messages asking why and declarations of love

Assuming you are in your 50s/60s you want to know, or considering said woman is not going to have an affair with your husband would you want to live in ignorant bliss and have an easy life?

OP posts:
Lynda07 · 27/02/2020 18:25

I would want to know and would not blame the woman. It's horrible! I could understand an infatuation but his persistence (& inappropriate touching), in the face of rejection would be beyond the pale. I'm not sure I could remain married to someone who did that even if I forgave him, it's just so tacky.

DameHannahRelf · 27/02/2020 18:26

And sorry, yes I'd want to know, so I'd know I should ltb. If she stays with him, more fool her/she has issues of her own, especially if there's definate proof, text messages etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2020 18:28

I’d just block him and not think of it again.
Maybe op doesn't fund sexual assault so easy to repress?

EmeraldShamrock · 27/02/2020 18:28

Yes I'd want to know. I wouldn't blame the lady in question. I'd apologise out of embarrassment and divorce his pitiful arse.

ShesCurly · 27/02/2020 18:28

Kissed said woman against her will and touched her inappropriately

God yes I would - because I would leave him for sexually assaulting a woman like this and I'd feel disgusted by him, not at all by the woman.

I hope you're ok, with this level of unrelenting inappropriate contact when it's clearly unwanted I think it's worth you having a chat with the police in case this guy doesn't understand you are absolutely not interested.

Thanks
EmeraldShamrock · 27/02/2020 18:29

Please tell her. I'd be horrified and very grateful.

Ginger1982 · 27/02/2020 18:30

So you are the younger woman in this case?

BumbleBeee69 · 27/02/2020 18:31

why go to the lunch ? after all this harassment though ?

BlueHarry · 27/02/2020 18:31

I can't imagine being married to someone like this and not knowing already but in the event that I was then yes I would want to know, and no I would not blame the younger woman. But I'm not sure telling the wife would be the best course of action to be honest. I suppose it really depends how you know these people (I'm assuming you're the younger woman in this scenario). If he is a work colleague then I think it would be better to report him to HR.

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 27/02/2020 18:32

I would not blame the ow. It's the dh problem. He sounds like a complete creep

FlamingoAndJohn · 27/02/2020 18:32

Kissed said woman against her will and touched her inappropriately

The rest of it be dammed. I’d want to know about this above everything else. Then LTN.

And like buggery is it dementia.

ShesCurly · 27/02/2020 18:32

@picklemewalnuts

Assuming I loved him and we'd had a long uneventful marriage, I'd want to know so I could tell him he was a prize fool who needs to apologise to her and feel lucky he isn't facing prosecution. Assuming he was sufficiently contrite I'd let it pass as a moment of monumental idiocy.

Would you honestly stay with someone who had sexually assaulted a woman?

That isn't monumental idiocy, it's a sexual assault.

If he was "contrite" you would let it pass. As long as he's sorry no harm done eh? Only to the woman he sexually assaulted but let's just ignore that.

Unreal. If the man was a stranger to you and the woman in question (in the OPs position) was your daughter I think you'd feel very differently. I hope so anyway.

speakout · 27/02/2020 18:33

OP are you OK?

HollowTalk · 27/02/2020 18:34

@strawberry2017 So basically he's having an inappropriate affair.

No, he's molesting and harassing someone.

MrsToothyBitch · 27/02/2020 18:34

I'd want to know. I wouldn't stay married to someone who doesn't respect me, doesn't respect our marriage, thinks that behaviour is acceptable and will likely do it again.

dwum · 27/02/2020 18:34

Erm... yes! Are you ok OP?

HaddawayAndShite · 27/02/2020 18:35

Would you want to know if your husband had done these things
Yes so I could live my life away from a sexually abusive creep.

and would you blame the woman in this scenario?
No, because woman has not done anything wrong, has repeatedly pushed his advances away and has been sexually harassed and abused by said man.

If you are the man's wife I sincerely hope you leave him. If you are the woman, tell the man's wife, and the police.

yellowallpaper · 27/02/2020 18:35

I'd wonder if he had dementia

Guacamole · 27/02/2020 18:36

If you are ‘said woman’ and are thinking of telling the wife, I’d stay out of it. He will likely lie and wife will likely believe him over you.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 27/02/2020 18:36

If that was my husband I would be reporting him to the police myself for harassing the younger woman (just before kicking him out on the streets). Why would you even contemplate staying with such a sleaze?

would you blame the woman in this scenario?
Is this a wind-up? Blame her for what? The only thing she has done wrong is not report him for sexually assaulting her and for harassment.

YeahWhatevver · 27/02/2020 18:37

Mrs Weinstein.... Is that you.

Sex pest, danger to women and probably not the first time he's done it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/02/2020 18:37

I'd want to know...

So I could indulge in a little light violence against the arseGrin

Hidingtonothing · 27/02/2020 18:40

Yes I'd want to know and I honestly think I'd be more concerned about her than anything else in that scenario. She has been harassed and assaulted and I would want to know she was supported and he was locked up ideally, my feelings about him and my relationship would be mine to deal with and I wouldn't want her worrying about that side of things, nor being blamed. I hope that helps a bit OP and that you are ok Flowers

BlueHarry · 27/02/2020 18:40

why go to the lunch ? after all this harassment though

The lunch could have been before he attempted to kiss her etc. We don't know the order of events or the context.

When I was a student I had a boss who behaved inappropriately towards me who I went out for dinner with. He insisted on taking me to dinner as a reward for my hard work. I didn't know how to handle it at the time even though I felt uncomfortable so I went to dinner with him. I thought it would be rude to say no to my boss and also I thought at the time, maybe this is just how normal adults behave at work.

madcatladyforever · 27/02/2020 18:40

I would call said woman and tell her to go to the police. Then I'd be getting my ducks in a row with a view to leaving.

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