To ask how to reply to this text?

[MissEliza]

Dh and I have been good friends with a couple, we'll call Mary and John, for 7i or 8 years. Since the beginning of last year, it feels like John and Mary ghosted us and the rest of our friendship circle. They have turned down every invitation as a couple or simply not shown up without explanation and John has made an excuse every time dh has invited him for a pint. Over that time, the only time Mary has got in touch is to ask if my oldest dc can babysit their dcs, maybe four or five times. The last time was in October and we've had no contact with then since. We didn't even get a Christmas card and I've noticed John trying to avoid me in the street more than once!!
Today I received a message from Mary on my WhatsApp but addressed to my dc. It said like 'Sam (my dc) would you be able to babysit for us next Friday?' She has to know it's my phone number as the profile has my picture! AIBU to think when we've barely spoken to them in over a year and it's actually my phone she should really be saying 'Hi Eliza could you ask Sam if she would babysit for us'? Tbh Sam doesn't even want the babysitting money. The other times she did it, we persuaded her to help Mary and John out as it's very difficult to find babysitters. Right now I feel like if she can't talk to us, why should we do her a 'favour'.
How should I reply?

I would have said "this babysitting service is only available to friends" and left it there

Ime, when people withdraw, there can be something difficult going on in their lives, depression, family illness, personal illness, life change, relationship difficulties etc.
So don’t assume that they have withdrawn in a rude way.
I would ask what is up, eg reply that your dd isn’t free, but you’ve been wondering why they have been off radar.

I'd ignore

I like @Poorolddaddypig’s message

Don’t be unkind, as you’ll feel bad if you find out that there’s a good reason for their social quietness. I agree with past posters that they may well be going through hard times. The point is you don’t know. Not accepting invitations, as everyone on mumsnet will tell you on a different context, is not rude in itself.

If they’re paying your DD to babysit then they’re not taking advantage and she’s free to say no. All these ‘smart’ and ‘brilliant’ replies seem very OTT to me and would make you look a bit mean and petty I think. Far better to simply reply with a text that explains you’ve passed the message on and perhaps asks if they’re ok as you haven’t seen them for a while.

I would've ignored the message. No answer, no nothing.

So don’t assume that they have withdrawn in a rude way.

But it IS rude.
7 years of friendship, then a refusal to answer texts or accept any invitations.
You don't treat a 7-year friend like that.
If something is going on, you don't have to spell it out - but at least one message stating "we're having a quiet time at the moment, not up to much, it's not you it's us ..." is all it takes.

Not accepting invitations, as everyone on mumsnet will tell you on a different context, is not rude in itself.

No, but blanking them , along with blanking all messages, after 7 years of friendship, is.

Is there a reason behind her behaviour you don’t know about?
Depression , infidelity, illness , money issues ? Not everyone can talk about issues openly

I would reply back 'who is this'? And when she says who she is, point out that she hasn't spoke to you in months so she can find another babysitter.

Seems very odd. There's most definitely issues and things going on behind the scenes that you don't know about. It is downright rude of Mary though. I'd politely explain that Sam cannot babysit and leave it at that.

*there are

When I hear stories like this I'm always reminded of aunt and uncle and a couple that they were close friends with. The other couple stopped contacting my aunt and uncle and so my aunt and uncle took the hump and stopped contacting the other couple. Decades went by and eventually, after my aunt and the wife in the other couple had died, the two men reconnected. Turned out there had been some huge misunderstanding which caused the other couple to think that my aunt and uncle were upset with them and that's why they stopped contact. Years of friendship were missed out on because neither couple made the effort to ask what was going on.

OP: in your situation, I'm not sure what harm could come from replying that Sam can / can't babysit and asking if everything is ok because you haven't heard from them in a while.

Ignore and tell them not to ask your dd to babysit anymore if they can’t be bothered to talk to you.
Cheeky fucks

Don't you think it's weird that they've ghosted you all? It seems a shame after several years of good friendship.

I'd at least make the effort to knock on their door and have a chat.

I know you must be cross OP after all it’s rude behaviour, but who knows what’s going on with them. You can only pass on the message to your Dd and then leave it at that. What do your other friends think? does anyone have a hint about what’s going on?

I wouldn't bother replying. Keep them guessing like they have done to you

That is super rude. They're no longer your friends unfortunately. I'd also go with something along the lines of "This is actually my number, spoken to Sam, she no longer has the time to babysit, sorry. Hope you find someone else." and leave it at that.

I don’t see how asking someone to babysit in exchange for cash is at all cheeky. Nor is said babysitting a ‘favour’.

@TimeForPlentyIn2020 so you missed the whole ‘ghosting’ issue and that they actively avoid op but still expect their dd to babysit?

I’d also just ignore the message. Ghost them in the same way they’ve ghosted you.

"No ta"

As they’ve ghosted a whole group of you I would not take it personally and assume something is going on in their lives and they’re not up to socialising at the moment. It’s not unusual. Although I’d feel annoyed they had ghosted I would not be rude, just pass on the message and ask Sam to reply, or even better reply for Sam and add a “I hope you’re all ok, we’ve missed you in the group, shout if you want a coffee” so the door is open if there is a problem

I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt TBH. Yes, they may just be rude but there could be something going on. If a close friend went AWOL like that I would be concerned and at least check in to see if they were okay, or to see if I had done something to upset them.