To ask how to reply to this text?

[MissEliza]

Dh and I have been good friends with a couple, we'll call Mary and John, for 7i or 8 years. Since the beginning of last year, it feels like John and Mary ghosted us and the rest of our friendship circle. They have turned down every invitation as a couple or simply not shown up without explanation and John has made an excuse every time dh has invited him for a pint. Over that time, the only time Mary has got in touch is to ask if my oldest dc can babysit their dcs, maybe four or five times. The last time was in October and we've had no contact with then since. We didn't even get a Christmas card and I've noticed John trying to avoid me in the street more than once!!
Today I received a message from Mary on my WhatsApp but addressed to my dc. It said like 'Sam (my dc) would you be able to babysit for us next Friday?' She has to know it's my phone number as the profile has my picture! AIBU to think when we've barely spoken to them in over a year and it's actually my phone she should really be saying 'Hi Eliza could you ask Sam if she would babysit for us'? Tbh Sam doesn't even want the babysitting money. The other times she did it, we persuaded her to help Mary and John out as it's very difficult to find babysitters. Right now I feel like if she can't talk to us, why should we do her a 'favour'.
How should I reply?

[TiddlestheCat]

Why the assumption that they are being rude? In my experience,when people suddenly start acting differently, it's because of things going on behind closed doors or a change of lifestyle/job/being more busy. I'd just reach out and ask them if everything is ok?

[MimiLaRue]

simply not shown up without explanation

Really? you dont think just not showing up when invited ISNT rude?

[MimiLaRue]

Sorry- that was to tiddles above. Not showing up is hella rude

[CustardySergeant]

Maybe she’s trying to get to your husband? In which case, a simple text should suffice “STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND"

Why on earth do you think that PlomBear?

[Mumgonenuts2020]

Why is everyone so negative And assuming the worst what about picking up the phone and having a chat with Mary... rather than messages or WhatsApp. It is a dangerous form of communication even with family as well.. we have group on . DH is on them and not me.. They invite everyone and my DH tells me or asks me if I want to go or not!! The last few years we used to go to each other’s houses and take the kids especially new year we did it four years in a row, I felt in the end it was somewhere to go that didn’t cost them the earth and made a change to the pub!! I guess it works two ways it got pretty expensive my DH wanted us to be on our own last year and any special days they invite us to are Either Winter wonderland A bar and grill locally, or the pub. My DC’s are 11 and 7 we cannot afford baby sitters for these events and relying on Mil and Fil it has to be exclusive nights out, so my DH goes on his own.. there is one Friend that has the mindset of you OP.. If you do invite Mary does she leave the group or she just doesn’t respond to your messages. This WhatsApp lark is a mental brain scramble for you Op, And Mary probably not so much John 😄😄

[weeklycubrun]

Something is going on with your friends. Knock her door or give her a call. The text was a perfect opportunity. See if shes ok

[Mumgonenuts2020]

Cheddargorgeous I agree with you with done if your points 💙our friend thinks that is the case with us for years us!! But our relationship has changed with these friends since our DC’s started secondary school together, it doesn’t help that one of My DH’s employees who lives around the corner In Our village they socialise with him too, I think our other friends have been affected by this equation!! It has a pressure on us, but we are trying to work on that!!

[Merryweather80]

I was going to suggest pretty much exactly what @MadMadaMim wrote. A prefect response, letting her know you understand and appreciate things may be difficult right now but regardless of time you are happy to offer support.
I did wonder if John has/ was/is keeping Mary away from the group for some reason. Or vice versa as a method of control? Just guessing and thinking out loud.
I hope there's a resolution.

[BlueJava]

I think it's very reasonable of you to reply at all! I'd have left them hanging on so they didn't know if they had a babysitter or not! I'd definitely block them now though!

[Pawsandnoses]

Think I'd have also responded that I had passed on the message, but would also convey that I find it odd to ask DD to babysit, when they had been avoiding you for months.

[recycledbottle]

You have passed the message on to Sam and so if she needs the money then she can babysit. You can relay yes or no then. You don't know what is going on in their life it could be something minor or serious. You shouldn't feel obligated to help so your child either wants to work or she doesn't. I know a couple who did similar and its because the wife had early stage dementia and the husband wanted to protect her. Others have mentioned separation etc. You just dont know.

[Butterymuffin]

'Be kind' works both ways. It wouldn't have been a stretch to include 'sorry we haven't been in touch, had lots going on, but we wanted to ask if Sam..' however much of a crisis you're in. And if it really is too much, look for another babysitter.

[Petlover9]

@messolini9
@Cheeseball123
OP - both of these people give good advice

[Onebabygirl]

How were Mary & John towards Sam when she babysat for them in October? Did they ask after you/the family? Were they distant and treat her just like a paid babysitter or did they behave like the same family friends she has known for the last 7-8 years? I do agree it’s odd that she didn’t even say hi to you when she sent the text, but maybe she sent it in a rush or thought she’d sent it to Sam? Has Mary replied?

[OchAyeThaNoo]

7 years of friendship, then a refusal to answer texts or accept any invitations.
You don't treat a 7-year friend like that.
If something is going on, you don't have to spell it out - but at least one message stating "we're having a quiet time at the moment, not up to much, it's not you it's us ..." is all it takes.

@messolini9 I completely agree. It takes two seconds to type out a quick text. They don't need to get into a huge explanation. They don't need to discuss a spouse's affair or child's SN diagnosis or their depression. Just one small text to say they're okay, or they're needing space, or they're crazy busy and can't talk til things settle down. They can lie if they want. But to go all out and ignore texts, not turn up and to cross the road rather than say a quick hello? Well fuck them. It IS rude.

I was ghosted by my best friend. I did reach out. I did phone. I did try to be nice and I did try to see if there was a misunderstanding somewhere but I got ghosted all the same. No replies. It was rude, disrespectful and very very hurtful. Especially as I was never told why.

OP I would just ignore them. The fact that they have texted you to essentially get you to do them the favour of getting your DC to babysit for them but refuse to even say hello or to acknowledge you is beyond rude. Screw them and their so called "issues".

[Bmh54]

I would block them and then you won't get any more messages. If she wanders why she will need to ask you? It won't be any loss. Think she is unbelievably cheeky!

[Thinkingabout1t]

I agree with those who recommend sending a polite text saying something like “Sorry, Sam isn’t free that day but I hope you’re well, as we haven’t heard from you for a long time”. Polite, non-committal, leaves it open for her to explain if she wants to.

[di2004]

I find it odd that she sent a message to your WhatsApp and addressed it to Sam ( not sure how old your dc is).
I think you’ve done more than enough to be friendly, time to let this one go.

[Boutique994]

one word: NO

[MissEliza]

@di2004 that was the whole point of my original post. Was I being sensitive to find that a bit rude? I don't care too much that this couple seem to have ghosted us. I just felt after not having been in contact for so long, she might have said hi. After lots of helpful replies initially, a lot of posters have come on to tell me I should be kind because I don't know what's going on in their life. I do have a fairly good idea. Mary and John have just moved on and found a new set of friends based on parents of their dc's friends. They have every right to do this obviously but a couple of the times they've not shown up at something organised by one of my friends when they were expected, it's turned out that they ditched us at the last minute for a better offer. Last time it happened my friend was actually holding off serving dinner until they came so someone else texted Mary and it emerged they'd been invited to dinner by their dc's friend's parents. She'd even confirmed two days previously she was coming.
Anyway thank you to all for your advice regarding my actual question. My dd told Mary she isn't sure of her plans yet.

[Wantosleep39]

I hate this kind of people who ditch you for better offer. How childish.

[yabadabadontdoit]

OP the advice to be kind because you don’t know what is going on in their lives was based on the information you gave us. If you had given the information in that last post you would have got more useful advice.

[Ellapaella]

They sound like a pair of CF's in so many ways. How rude not to turn up to dinner when expected. And I totally agree the least you do when you text someone is say Hi.
You've been kind to pass the message on OP, personally I'd have just ignored the text or just replied 'Sorry this isn't Sam's phone, you've got the wrong number' and left it at that. Life is too short to second guess people all the time. Tiresome.

[MimiLaRue]

As someone else has said- being kind goes BOTH ways. I'm not sure why people are expecting you to run around after them checking nothing is wrong whilst they can ignore you for months then just send a text for a favour without so much as a hi or how are you? They have been fcking rude and I would drop them like a hot potato.

Its not your job to run after them and check on them and cater to their problems FGS, I'm baffled why so many people in this thread suggested that. Your update confirms what I thought all along- they arent in the middle of a crisis, theyre just selfish twats. People are always desperate to find some deep reason or excuse behind rude behaviour when most of the time, its just that- rude, selfish behaviour.

[HairyPottyMouth]

“No”