The “town bike”

[MrsBrentford]

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

Kirkman
Yes. It's a horrible phrase, but don't go being offended and angry whilst displaying similar attitudes.

I'm still astounded that it's considered pearl clutchy to find sex talk at work unusual or unprofessional.

Are you all 1970s workmen in a van? Because I can't think of any workplace I've ever been where we've all been bantering about our sex lives. Dignity, people!

It's a horrible phrase, but don't go being offended and angry whilst displaying similar attitudes.

It's amazing that some posters have turned this opinion into 'you have interilisied misogyny and too stupid to realise it'.

Rather than actually reading what people write.

The more I think about it...🙄
Isn’t the bike expression a bit old hat anyway?

I mean, you bought up sex. You could have literally said anything else in answering the question 'why did yo leave?'. Literally anything.

The town bike comment makes me yawn a bit, but in context I think it was meant as a joke.

It's amazing that some posters have turned this opinion into 'you have interilisied misogyny and too stupid to realise it'.
It happens a lot on Mumsnet.
Poster has different opinion to another poster = cries of "what happened to sisterhood" because feminism is patting each other on the back.

Or posters acknowledge that the man in a situation is a dickhead and totally out of order, but also says a poster is responsible for HER actions = replies of "you're victim blaming, why are women always blamed for male actions, talk about internalised misogyny" even though nobody has blamed the woman for the man's actions.

I'm still astounded that it's considered pearl clutchy to find sex talk at work unusual or unprofessional

I'm astounded that it's not considered nasty and misogynistic to use the term 'town bike'. Or that it's pearl clutchy to loathe that term. Or slag. Or slut.

Lots of people use the it's a joke defence. It's usually about something offensive.

And equally because you are entitled to think you don't have internalised misogyny, I'm entitled to think you do.

Why do you think women were shamed for having lots of sex in the past?

Because men wanted to control us. That is why. Open your eyes to all the ways that men tried to control us.

If they are allowed to something, and we are not. It is abuse, pure and simple.

If, we, (for example) white people, said it is okay to have lots of sex, but it is not okay for black people to have lots of sex.

Do you see how ridiculous it is then? And that if we give into this male control, we are being absolute fools?

I am just thinking if I went to (anyone different to me) a Chinese person - and said to them, it is okay for me to have lots of sex, but is not okay for you to have lots of sex - that person would more than likely say, what the f*^k are you taling about! You don't control me!

So why do we let men say that to us?

Sometimes, I think that we were absolute fools, for letting men control us for so long.

Hmmm, not quite. I think "town bike" more refers to someone not actively out there enjoying lots of partners, but more someone with a lack of self respect, who can be used like a communal bike. In old parlance, a woman who enjoyed sex would be more likely to be called "a bit of a go-er".

Anyway, I still think this sort of banter is best kept for out of work. If you work in a "non judgemental" workplace (and who works in a proclaimed judgemental one? ) then it's best to keep very personal matters personal.

'Sometimes, I think that we were absolute fools, for letting men control us for so long.'

We didn't have much of a choice

@DressingGownofDoom we do! It takes two tango.

My male friend said this to me while ago, that women need to be more assertive for men to change.

That women just let men treat them like absolute shit, in so many areas of their lives: work, government, relationships.

It DOES take two to tango. We need to belkeve in our power and strength more, and to stand up for ourselves in all areas.

So you're allowed to make sexual comments at work but she isn't? Grow up FFS.

Without typos!

we do! It takes two to tango.

My male friend said this to me a while ago,

"that women need to be more assertive for men to change."

That women just let men treat them like absolute shit, in so many areas of their lives: work, government, relationships, public life.

It DOES take two to tango.

We need to believe in our power and strength more, and to stand up for ourselves in all areas.

Challenge everything that you were ever controlled in.

"Slut" was a form of control by men.

In a more extreme version, I was teaching in indonesia one time, and a woman there told me that men were allowed to have sex before marriage (with prostitutes) but women were not allowed to have sex before marriage. I pointed out the injustice of this.

She said, "oh but there's a reason! If we have sex before marriage our vaginas will get bigger, but if men have sex before marriage it won't affect their size". She didn't come up with that herself. Who told her that? Men! Control, control, control.

I don’t understand how the op saying she shagged about when she was a teenager when she didn’t is a joke.

How is it funny?

Maybe the colleague was being mock serious as a joke in response.

Can anyone tell me what a non judgmental environment is???
Sorry to be dim but don’t we all have to make judgments all day even if it’s only should I leave the washing out or will it get rained on

I imagine one in which you are dealing with clients you have to support without making judgements about their past behaviour when attempting to support them. Like clients who have a criminal record, history of substance misuse etc.

I'm astounded that it's not considered nasty and misogynistic to use the term 'town bike'. Or that it's pearl clutchy to loathe that term. Or slag. Or slut.

Lots of people use the it's a joke defence. It's usually about something offensive.

And equally because you are entitled to think you don't have internalised misogyny, I'm entitled to think you do
All of that would be absolutely wonderful... If I hadn't repeatedly said throughout the thread that I hate the phrase "town bike".

But don't let that stop the frothy internalised misogyny accusations.

Getting off the point here, but I don’t think player is the same as a fuckboy.

A player is more a man who plays games with women to keep stringing them along for multiple encounters when he’s seeing other women.

A fuckboy is more someone who has multiple one night stands who women fancy but they would not date.

Nameofchanges
I agree they are different.

Interestingly, with the teens I work with a fuckboy is very definitely an insult, and is sometimes written as "fuckboi".
It's used to display contempt and judgement towards a boy/man who will say/do anything to get laid with the implication that the boy/man in question is pathetic.
Even when used between lads, there's an insulting tone that they're desperate and/or pathetic in their interactions with girls and women.

I also find it amusing that someone who claims they are totally cool with women having lots of sex

Where did I say this?

I am as it happens but I didn’t say it.

I work in a job where we discuss things quite dark and serious situations and we have a very dark humour to lighten this.

I wasn’t discussing intimate details of my sex life with my husband I made an off the cuff joke and my other two colleagues pissed themselves laughing, I just thought the “town bike” comment was misogynistic.

As long as it’s consensual and safe anyone can sleep with as many people they like 🤷‍♀️

I may have got that reply confused between you and another poster, apologies.

However I haven't mentioned your sex life with your husband.

It still strikes me that it's fine for you to joke about having left town due to shagging all the men, but then have an issue when someone else continues alone those lines (and just in case other posters don't get it yet, I do think the phrase used is horrible)
Then apparently those of us who find sex jokes in the workplace unprofessional and outside of professional boundaries are pearl clutching.
Now you're saying that your place of work has dark humour (which can be quite offensive given the topics often covered) and that's the norm.

It seems very much like a workplace where common professional boundaries are blurred and you're all happy to go along with it, until someone says something you don't like, in which case they need putting in their place for being offensive.

You can't have it both ways. Either there's professional boundaries on conversation and it's expected that they're followed, or dark humour and sex jokes are entirely normal in which case everyone who engages runs the risk of being offended and needs to get over it.

Where it was said is irrelevant - it was fine, I was there, it wasn’t inappropriate or unprofessional, no one was thinking that. I have worked with all three of them for a long time (every day for 10 years) we weren’t in the office or overheard.

It’s the immediate reaction of “town bike” that disappointed me, but everyone has focused on whether it’s ok to mention sex to colleagues, yes it is.

Almost everyone, me included, have an issue with the phrase "town bike".

Some of us just think being annoyed in a situation where one person brings up a sex joke and it's apparently totally normal to do at work (to the point that anyone disagreing on this being the norm at work is pearl clutchy) somewhat loses the high ground they're trying to claim.

It's like in the playground where a group of teenagers insist its all just banter, we're friends, it's fine, chill out it's cool, it's just how we all joke with each other. By the end of lunch someone is upset because the banter went too far and they didn't like it.