The “town bike”

[MrsBrentford]

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

There was no need for either comment about a woman's sex life in a small town with anyone beyond close friends who you'd know would read the tone correctly.

Then again, I think it's unusual for colleagues to be joking about their sex lives full stop, especially on topics where the likelihood for someone to misjudge the banter is high, and it's a bit much to bring a topic up and then get arsey if the conversation doesn't go the way you'd hoped. That's why some conversations are best kept for close friends.

*Can’t believe the amount of petal clutching about mentioning sex at work tbh.

It’s normal for us*

Then what the jack are you moaning about? You made a joke, she made a joke. Neither of you are that funny but never mind that. You can’t start complaining on the grounds of professionalism when you accept this is totally normal and you do it, too.

I did not say I “had” to leave

So what were you implying?

@Tulipan that's how I read it

@Kirkman
So if a man joked that he left a town because he's shagged all the women you'd interpret it as suggesting "they need to leave town because they have had lots of sex?" The joke obviously means she left the town because there was no one left to shag (whether a man or woman said it). You and @LolaSmiles can't see past your internalised mysoginy.

it doesn’t matter how many people you have sex with you shouldn’t have to “protect” yourself from rape

Great! Let's tell all the rapists. Also, unwanted pregnancies happen to women, not men. That's unfair too, but biology doesn't give a shit, sadly.

Sexism disguised as a “joke” isn’t funny or OK.

You and@LolaSmilescan't see past your internalised mysoginy.

Do fuck off and dont tell me how I think or feel.

We arent the only 2 that thought that. Given the op was making a joke at grown expense yes, that's how it came across to me.

If a bloke told me he left town because he shagged loads of women there, town bike is mild compared to what I would think of him actually.

Pressed post too soon.

I would think worse than 'town bike'because, unfortunately women are still shamed for having lots of sex.

Men aren't so wouldn need to leave town unless there was more to it.

The fact that women still feel shame in small towns, if they have had sex with lots of men, means it's something that shouldnt be talked about

joked about, not talked about

Do fuck off and dont tell me how I think or feel.

Haha can't you see the hypocrisy since this is exactly what you're telling the OP her joke meant (that she felt shame at shagging around), and likewise I'm telling you that you made that assumption for sexist reasons.

If a bloke told me he left town because he shagged loads of women there, town bike is mild compared to what I would think of him actually.

I agree I wouldn't think much of a man that joked like that- but because I would know a man is attempting to brag with that kind of joke. We'd never assume a man was joking about his embarrassment at sleeping around. That's the double standards I'm trying to get at.

I've got a flora advert with, "Spread the love" as the slogan

nestisflown

it's not a joke at all, are you serious? If nothing else, I need to protect my back.

Picture a team of men, with a lonely woman, and bantering about sex and inappropriate conversations and jokes around sex.
The woman might very well feel bullied , embarrassed, or victim of sexist crap.
The deeply religious person (male or female) might feel very uncomfortable or even insulted.

If you want to boast about "shagging about", you keep it for the pub. Not the office. So no, it's not a joke, I work in a professional setting not a sport changing room and people are expected to behave appropriately.

In a world where people are even suggesting of banning sport talk so women feel more included, not it's not a joke.
The sport comment on the however I find deeply insulting and ridiculous, but someone still made it. They might work in my office...

I wonder how long before thios reaches the Daily Mail?

Haha can't you see the hypocrisy since this is exactly what you're telling the OP her joke meant (that she felt shame at shagging around), and likewise I'm telling you that you made that assumption for sexist reasons.

No I am saying how its interpreted.

We'd never assume a man was joking about his embarrassment at sleeping around.

Why not? I know plenty of men who are embarrassed about their sexual exploits. For different reasons thought

The point is that women still do feel shame for having lots of sex. Joking about it, or making a joke that is eausly interpreted that way, is the same level of 'town bike' funny.

You see to think I think the town bike phrase is fine. I havent said that. I have said OP is on par with it.

Given their job they probably deal with lots if girls and women who feel shamed and are publically shamed by family and people who live in their area, for having having sex.

Not funny to make a joke about it

I think the strong possibility that people may interpret your "joke" differently than you intended is a very good reason why sexual badinage is best avoided in the workplace. Particularly if you are quite sensitive yourself.

I think the strong possibility that people may interpret your "joke" differently than you intended is a very good reason why sexual badinage is best avoided in the workplace. Particularly if you are quite sensitive yourself.

Exactly.

Town bike is just a nicer way of saying slag or slut. No matter what joke you told before that, whether funny or not, gives her zero right to respond with out dated and misogynistic language. YANBU.

There are no words you could have said that would make a response that is effectively the same as “you’re a slag” acceptable.

There are no words you could have said that would make a response that is effectively the same as “you’re a slag” acceptable.

Apparently that kind of banter is normal in her workplace.
Stop pearl clutching.

The OP claims her remarks were made in jest. I think she should extend the courtesy of the same assumption to her colleague.

As the OP herself has made clear the colleague doesn't seem to actually espouse misogynistic views.

Discussing your own or other people's sex life in the workplace is foolish and can make people feel uncomfortable or harassed. There are plenty of other ways to have a laugh at work.

I think the strong possibility that people may interpret your "joke" differently than you intended is a very good reason why sexual badinage is best avoided in the workplace. Particularly if you are quite sensitive yourself
Absolutely.
As another poster and I were discussing, there's certain jokes that can be funny with close friends who know each other well, but you wouldn't make them in another context such as the workplace or with colleagues.

You and@LolaSmilescan't see past your internalised mysoginy
Aka you don't agree with me so I shall throw insults at you and patronise you. No woman could possibly have a different view to me regarding discussing sex at work so I shall pat you on the head and say "oh bless you... You don't realise how much you've internalised the patriarchy."

Heaven forbid women comment on how poor sex jokes in the workplace can be read in different ways and may not always get the response the teller wants.

Aka you don't agree with me so I shall throw insults at you and patronise you. No woman could possibly have a different view to me regarding discussing sex at work so I shall pat you on the head and say "oh bless you... You don't realise how much you've internalised the patriarchy."

This 100%.

It's amazing how many women consider themselves feminists, yet cant stand another woman having a different opinion.

Not very feminist, really?

Kirkman
Internalised misogyny can be an interesting discussion, or it becomes a lazy insult to anyone who doesn't agree.

Personally, I think there's too much social baggage and stigma attached to women enjoying a varied sex life. There's too much crap women have to face for having multiple sexual partners that men don't have to face (though my students talk about fuckboys and it's a derogatory term so hopefully there's some change happening).

Consequently I don't find it funny to tell jokes about leaving town for shagging all the men and I think town bike is a horrible expression. I also find it amusing that someone who claims they are totally cool with women having lots of sex they felt the need to clarify that they were indeed joking and then express irritation because the colleague continued the joke when it wasn't true.
There's some double standards on what's ok/not ok wrapped up in this ridiculous situation, which probably has arisen because it's apparently normal to discuss your sex lives with colleagues.

Maybe everyone should save the sex chat for their close friends

@LolaSmiles I agree.

I dont think the OP is wrong to not like the term. I simply think she is wrong in this situation because what she did was equally poor.