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AIBU?

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Original poster

The “town bike”

273 replies

MrsBrentford · 26/02/2020 22:31

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

OP posts:
grudieabbey · 27/02/2020 09:18

Why on Earth were you saying that sort of thing to a colleague? They must have been absolutely embarrassed for you. So unprofessional. And here you are moaning someone made a crass comment after YOU made one. Grow up.

ActualHornist · 27/02/2020 09:24

YANBU.

If you’d been a bloke she wouldn’t have said it. It would probably have been a ‘oh lad about town we’re you?’

TBH while it’s unprofessional, I can see myself making this sort of joke to colleagues who are also friends (I left London for a smaller town so make of that what you will!) and wouldn’t expect judgement back.

Either she is more deadpan than you thought or you’re not as good friends as you thought. Either way YANBU.

Original poster
MrsBrentford · 27/02/2020 09:25

Can’t believe the amount of petal clutching about mentioning sex at work tbh.

It’s normal for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBrentford · 27/02/2020 09:25

*pearl

OP posts:
Lifeisgenerallyfun · 27/02/2020 09:30

You started a joke she carried it on. You got offended over nothing. She now thinks you’re a twat most likely.

Sometimes judgement is right and necessary!

KidLorneRoll · 27/02/2020 09:31

So OP makes a joke about sex. And that's fine.

Collegue makes a joke about sex. OP gets upset.

YABU.

Sparklingbrook · 27/02/2020 09:36

Well if it's normal to be talking about sex with your work colleagues, then this type of joke/comment isn't that alarming surely?

It seems to be you pearl clutching about the word usage OP.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2020 09:40

The thing is, while shagging around for fun is fine and town bike is horribly judgemental, they're just different people's perspectives on the same thing. Judgemental people view 'shagging around for fun' as 'being the town bike' because that's how they understand sex. No-one defines themselves as 'the town bike'. Ergo, 'were you the town bike?' means 'were you viewed by the kind of judgemental people who would use that sort of phrase, as the town bike.' It doesn't mean your colleague thinks that, just that she knows how small towns work.

Look, I get it, 'ran out of men to shag' is funny, if you're talking to close friends you'd usually talk to about your sex life and who know you well enough to know immediately whether it's true or not.

But deflecting nosiness (only possible from someone who isn't that close to you) with crude sexual jokes, isn't appropriate or funny.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 09:40

Can’t believe the amount of petal clutching about mentioning sex at work tbh.

It’s normal for us.

for so many reasons, it's completely unprofessional.
Not sure why anyone would be proud and boast about "shagging about" especially in the work place. Male or female.

soggylump · 27/02/2020 09:47

You could have just said to her that you dislike the expression and explained why.

Instead you got all defensive and launched into a diatribe about consensual sex which has obviously gone down like a lead balloon, that's why you are on this site looking for validation, because you now feel awkward.

LolaSmiles · 27/02/2020 09:50

Can’t believe the amount of petal clutching about mentioning sex at work tbh.
It’s normal for us.
It seems like it's only normal for some of you to discuss sex, but only in a way that you decide is acceptable.

Most people wouldn't consider sex a topic of conversation in professional environments.

dorisdog · 27/02/2020 09:51

I'm with you OP. It's fine to joke about yourself. Not fine for others to try to 'slut shame' you. Unless you are very good friends and have a banter-y kind of relationship.

I'm guessing she didn't like the fact that you were being flippant and open about your sexual activities (which you're totally entitled to do!) and sexist judgement crept into her reply.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 09:51

Why is it 'pearl clutching' for many poster to think those sorts of conversations aren't appropriate at work?

And I think you need more training on the 'non-judgemental' front.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2020 09:52

And, 'well I had slept with all the men there' is not quite the same as 'I'd run out of men to shag'. There's an element of selection implied by the latter that isn't present in the former. No-one would want to shag all the men, anywhere, only all the desirable men. So, while you might think 'of course I only meant the desirable ones', there is a possible implication of being used, which might have prompted her response.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 09:52

I'm guessing she didn't like the fact that you were being flippant and open about your sexual activities (which you're totally entitled to do!) and sexist judgement crept into her reply.

Maybe she wasn't actually comfortable with the conversation? Who knows?

billy1966 · 27/02/2020 09:55

@Nitpickpicnic

Exactly

lowlandLucky · 27/02/2020 09:56

Well OP you need to own your behaviour, be loud and proud

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 09:56

I'm guessing she didn't like the fact that you were being flippant and open about your sexual activities

and rightly so in the work place... I'd send you straight to HR and you would likely either have a lecture or training on acceptable professional conduct. And a warning.

For very obvious reasons!

LolaSmiles · 27/02/2020 09:56

lottiegarbanzo
Not only that, but whilst claiming it's a woman's right to sleep with whoever she likes, as many men as she likes, the OP also feels the need to clarify that of course she was just joking, because not only is it not true, the joke needs to be made explicit in case anyone thought she might be someone who would sleep with lots of people. Some mental gymnastics going on there where there's nothing wrong at all with lots of consensual sex but I'd hate anyone to think I would do something like that.

The whole situation is a pot calling the kettle black situation.

Dahlietta · 27/02/2020 09:58

Men and women can be town bikes and both are nothing to be proud of

They aren't though, are they? The joke about the 'bike' is that 'everyone's had a ride'. It's specifically aimed at women.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2020 10:00

That's true LolaSmiles.

The thing is, I have a friend who would make this joke and I'd find it funny, because I know her well enough to place it in context. But, if she made it in front of people she didn't know so well, it would make me feel uncomfortable, as they couldn't.

drina27 · 27/02/2020 10:01

Yes, as someone said at the beginning of this thread, even teenagers are scathing about girls who sleep around.

drina27 · 27/02/2020 10:01

YABU.

drina27 · 27/02/2020 10:02

Re teenagers:
Particularly boys. Go figure.

Cherrysoup · 27/02/2020 10:03

Sooo, you were the town bike and now you’re not happy about it?!

People's lack of understanding is astounding. She made a joke, ffs!

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