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AIBU?

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Original poster

The “town bike”

273 replies

MrsBrentford · 26/02/2020 22:31

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

OP posts:
PapayaCoconut · 26/02/2020 23:40

I get the whole 'woke' thing about men and women being exactly the same and whatever, but I think the harsher judgement of women stems at least in part from the fact that casual sex can be pretty dangerous when you're a woman. You can get pregnant, you could be overpowered by someone much stronger than you and even raped or killed. I Maybe it suggests a lack of self preservation instinct, a failure to value yourself. (I don't think it's a particularly great personal quality in ,anyone to be super casual about sex, for the record.)

1Morewineplease · 26/02/2020 23:41

You shouldn’t have joked about shagging about. Your colleagues would have felt that they could joke back... which they did but you didn’t like it.
I’m afraid to say.. but you did ask for it.

PapayaCoconut · 26/02/2020 23:41

I find it funny that there is now a "London Bike Show" ad in the middle of my page. Snigger.

I've got the decathlon bike sale.

ArthurDentsSpaceTowel · 26/02/2020 23:44

Don't they call teenage lads who shag around 'fuckboys' these days? Hardly flattering I'd have thought.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 23:45

You said it first Confused

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2020 23:46

Blimey, talk about kill the lighthearted mood that you started, OP Confused

AlpineSnow · 26/02/2020 23:51

I remember girls being called slags when i was a teenager in the 80s. Must admit i assumed attitudes would have moved on since then and I'm surprised if they haven't

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/02/2020 23:55

The emergence of the term “fuckboys” heartens me greatly, I have to say.

SnoozyLou · 26/02/2020 23:58

No I made a joke and she took it quite seriously. When she said it it was serious and it was awkward.

Well, why didn't you just say yes and ramp it up a notch?

Toffeecakes · 27/02/2020 00:03

What on earth were you thinking OP? You discussed something highly inappropriate, your colleague responded and you've turned it into some sort of sexist comment - way off the mark. You described what you did, your colleague used a particular phrase and the way in which men would be perceived has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Your poor colleague, they need to know what sort of person you are before you tarnish their reputation with this drivel.

FWIW its shit like this that exacerbates degrading comments about women because people assume its women complaining about non-issues and therefore don't take it seriously. There is a serious problem, focus on the times when it ACTUALLY happens.

Patroclus · 27/02/2020 00:06

She was clearly joking.

angell84 · 27/02/2020 00:08

Wow the people on here are so cruel.

Be kind

PumpkinP · 27/02/2020 00:10

Of course people still feel this way. It’s only in MN that people insist they don’t but most people irl judge people that sleep around.

Smelborp · 27/02/2020 00:11

Your reply to her ‘joke’ reply was quite cringe. You started an inappropriate conversation in the first place.

Patroclus · 27/02/2020 00:11

You should see the advert im getting.....

The “town bike”
NigellaAwesome · 27/02/2020 00:14

I agree that it is unprofessional to discuss your former sex life with colleagues.

However, I really despise the term 'bike'.

I have had this discussion recently with an old (male) schoolfriend who described a mutual schoolfriend as being the 'school bike.' I'm not terribly fond of her, but I absolutely defend her right to have had as much consensual sex as she wanted and enjoyed at the time without judgment.

I met her at a school reunion recently, and she was still clearly upset and preoccupied, 30 years on, at her apparent 'reputation'. I suspect I had a similar reputation, but I don't give a fuck.

StoppinBy · 27/02/2020 00:16

Haha, my MIL's work mate once told her that I was the town bike and she then warned her son....my very new boy friend.

In reality I was 19 before I lost my virginity, I slept with a couple of steady BF's before I met my now husband, he in fact used adult websites to meet women and slept with a fair few strangers before we got together.

Her work mate had confused me for my twin sister and even though she had slept with a couple of people in town she was far from the town bike.

How I would have loved to shatter her idea of her perfect son by giving her the details of what her son had been up to haha.

Sounds like you both joked and you took it seriously, perhaps you feel like your choice to sleep with people needs to be defended and so any slight whether intended or not about it sets you off?

Patroclus · 27/02/2020 00:17

Be kind my arse

dontgobaconmyheart · 27/02/2020 00:17

I think you misjudged the mood that YOU created OP. Why bring up your sex life in a car of colleagues anyway, if a man had kicked off a convo about 'shagging around' and then further elaborated on his enjoyable consensual sex life would you find that acceptable? I'd find it distasteful and inappropriate, I'd not be thinking 'oh hehehe what a player'- more 'wow how creepy/he seems a dick'

She sounds like she was gracious enough when you sanctimoniously objected so I'd just let this one go.

SnoozyLou · 27/02/2020 00:20

I'm not really sure what she was meant to say OP, but I think it's pretty unfair to portray her as the villain of the peace. You made an inappropriate comment. She made one back.

As you say, OP, there is a double standard here. How comfortable would you be for a male colleague to say that to you? I wouldn't want to hear it from any colleague to be perfectly honest.

Lynda07 · 27/02/2020 00:24

Well you started it. That's the problem when you start a conversation with a joke in company, you don't know which turn it's going to take. However she say, "That's true", after you said your long sentence comparing the different attitudes towards sexual antics of male and female.

Forget it and don't make inappropriate jokes in future.

squeekums · 27/02/2020 00:24

So you started a joke, she continued it and now your pissy?

yeah id be avoiding car trips with you, your the type people need to be on egg shells around
Was that joke a joke?
can i continue the joke?
is it a trap?
do i give the awkward haha and then get accused of not engaging or judging still?

PapayaCoconut · 27/02/2020 00:33

@Patroclus

What the actual heck is that on the top left???

fallfallfall · 27/02/2020 00:34

the persona you portray at work does not have to mirror your own personal beliefs.
slightly naive of you to think because you work in a non judgmental environment that all employees have non judgmental personal views.

Patroclus · 27/02/2020 00:35

Just your standard model man with balls for a chin of course....

I didnt click on it, dont want to encourage it.