The “town bike”

[MrsBrentford]

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

I was the town bike, makes me laugh tbh 😂

It’s been like that did years and I can’t see it changing anytime soon sadly.

Women that have enjoyed the benefits of numerous sexual partners, purely for gratification (I.e not relationships) will always be judged more harshly than their name counterparts. It’s not fair but sadly it’s the society we live in.

“The town bike” would be the derogatory word given to the promiscuous woman and of course it wouldn’t be deemed a compliment, quite the opposite.

A man on the on hand would be branded a player but with possible connotations 🙄

Double standards at its finest!

Yanbu to question the double standards around male/ female promiscuity.

Yabu to initiate a conversation like that with colleagues. For the same reason I would admit to have taken so much ecstasy in that I rattled in my early 20s. Mind you, I do work in policing

wouldn't

Positive*

Sounds like banter which you started then got offended when colleague tried to join in

This!
Although I can see your point too, it's a horrible phrase

The conversation probably wasn't very work appropriate but I think there's a difference between "shagging about" and calling someone the "town bike" which is a really horrible, degrading term that is especially for women.

Why on earth did the subject come up?
Can't imagine that conversation with friends let alone colleagues.

It was a personal question though.

Not if they're friends, which it sounds like they are.

So it's fine for you to suggest that a woman may have to leave a town because she's slept with all the men (which seems to suggest that the woman would need to leave for whatever reason), but not ok for someone else to make a dated joke about a woman sleeping with lots of men?

It's fine for you to bring up sex in a jokey way, but not your colleague?

Asking about how someone's moved to a town isn't overly personal and there's plenty of ways to respond. It isn't a case of joke about sex or disclose abusive relationships. A simple "fancied a change / saw a good job / quite liked this town or area" would be more than enough.

I think you need to look to your own double standards here OP. On the one hand you say it’s ok for women to have as much consensual sex as they want but on the other hand it’s not OK for anyone to think that you have had a lot of this consensual sex. That sounds very much as if you are judging women who do have lots of consensual sex and don’t want to be seen as one of them.

And as for language, I think contextually calling a man a player is just as judgemental as calling a woman a bike. In the sort of environment you describe both imply that the person involved has had more sexual partners than the morally superior professional using the term approves of.

I agree you made an ill judged joke and she responded in kind. It’s a pot/kettle scenario.

I should add, I dislike the phrase 'town bike' but think in this situation your level of offence is unreasonable.

I took the OP's original joke to mean 'there were no men left for me to shag so I left town in search of new blokes' rather than 'I had to leave because of the shame of shagging all the men'.

We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

The men/women divide is not the only double standard at play.

Sounds to me like she was attempting to be lighthearted and missed the mark. People say crappy and socially awkward things all the time, it doesn't make them bad judgmental people. She's probably mortified after the dressing down you gave her (which she agreed with...so what's the problem?)

You made a joke. Then you go on to tell us all that you mustn't be judgemental at work.

Lord. Save us!

If she'd said 'Oh, I'd shagged all the blokes there' in quite a jocular way it was obviously intended as a joke. Colleague then replies 'So you were the town bike?' in a horrified fashion. I can see it playing out like that.

In which case YANBU OP.

You made a joke and she responded with a joke. Non-issue.

The joke was that she'd run out of men to shag ... it would have made me laugh altho you ruined it, op, by tagging on the 'joking'
Maybe your colleague is just very good at deadpanning?

Of course women still think that.

You've only to read the threads on numbers of partners to see the antiquated attitudes surrounding women and sex.

Men and women can be town bikes and both are nothing to be proud of.

But I still don't get why you were offended that she joined in with your own joke.

"Shagging about” : non judgemental
“Town bike”: judgemental and sexist

• This

However, I never discussed my sexlife with colleagues, or indeed friends
TMI

So its ok for you to joke but she cant joke in response? Double standards - YABU.

Oh that’s a very weird topic of conversation to joke about with a colleague.....I’m honestly mystified as to why on earth you ventured down that road in the first place...! People don’t know how to react to bizarre remarks like that OP, why on earth are you twisting this and making out that your colleague is the bad guy here?

Men and women can be town bikes and both are nothing to be proud of

It certainly isn't anything to be ashamed of.