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AIBU?

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Original poster

The “town bike”

273 replies

MrsBrentford · 26/02/2020 22:31

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

OP posts:
katy1213 · 27/02/2020 01:10

You sound very professional! And perhaps your colleague doesn't grasp the fine line between town bike and promiscuous shagging. Not sure I do, either. Oh well, it'll be all round the office by now,

morriseysquif · 27/02/2020 01:20

It is foul, why should you be shamed for saying you had a lot of sex? TOWN BIKE - foul, misogynist, every day sexism.

NoMoreDickheads · 27/02/2020 01:28

I don't think she was serious. Then she agreed with you when you gave the party line.

Ohtherewearethen · 27/02/2020 01:45

The thing is though, OP, is that you made a joke about 'shagging about that clearly wasn't true', based on a judgement. (Why is it clearly not true that you may have shagged about as a teenager?) You expected people to react a certain way to your comment, for example, scoff that someone such as yourself could ever be one who 'shags about'. You made the inappropriate joke hoping for some kind of reaction. Your colleague gave you a reaction, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward you could have made them feel, then you turn on them and tell them off! If you meant you may have had lots of sensible, safe, consensual sex, why use a term such as 'shagging about'?
You have been very, very unreasonable.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 27/02/2020 02:07

I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

Considering you don't think there's anything wrong with a young woman "shagging around, you seem seem very keen to clarify that you didn't do such a thing, and clearly it is was a joke and not true.
Is it perhaps you that is judgemental of promiscuity, and not your colleague?

Lowbrow · 27/02/2020 03:39

I find town bike, slag, slut, whore and other such terms offensive and always aimed at women and girls.

It has always amazed me that many women don’t feel angry about this.

FourPillars · 27/02/2020 03:51

“ We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.”

Mmmmm, which roles require people to be judgemental, I wonder?

ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas · 27/02/2020 04:25

Why were you talking to your colleague about your sexual history? And probably more importantly, why did you say you "shagged around", if you didn't? You can't get offended if you make a (bad taste) joke and they respond! Confused

ShriekingBansheela · 27/02/2020 04:53

“Shagging about” : non judgemental
“Town bike”: judgemental and sexist

Town bike is a horrible expression. Shagging about: active
Town bike: shagged, used by others

Yes, OP, the double standard is alive and well.

Selmababies · 27/02/2020 04:58

@rattusrattus20
promiscuity isn't big or clever for either sex. I guess the main difference between the two is that men who do it usually need to have some sort of special quality (ie looks, charm, money, etc) in order to attract women, and those qualities, as opposed to promiscuity, is what people admire them for, women not so much.

Eh?
Are you really saying men have all the special qualities but women are merely promiscious and without any 'special qualities?
And that's why the women are considered sluts but the men are 'lads'?

MangoFeverDream · 27/02/2020 05:03

Maybe it suggests a lack of self preservation instinct, a failure to value yourself

This is my feeling. Also hasn’t player become a slight pejorative, as in don’t mess with that guy he’s a bit of a player? That’s how I’d gently warn my friends off someone anyway ....

DressingGownofDoom · 27/02/2020 05:07

'Mmmmm, which roles require people to be judgemental, I wonder?'

Magistrate? Grin

Cherrysherbet · 27/02/2020 06:01

Don’t give it, if you can’t take it......so to speak 😬

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2020 06:15

Gosh, there is over sharing and then there is this. Why would you Possibly tell a colleague you liked to shag about when younger.

Who does that? Confused

Sarcelle · 27/02/2020 06:20

There is going to come a point when we don't talk to each other, or if we do it will be in factual bullet points. There will be no lighthearted chat. Everybody is going to be offended by everything soon. Even if she did think you were the town bike, so what? Is your skin so thin that you can't take the label? It was a response to your joke.

StarlightLady · 27/02/2020 06:25

I would have just looked her in the eyes and said “Yes and proud of it, and l had a lot of fun along the way!”

finn1020 · 27/02/2020 06:31

You made a joke, she made a joke. You didn’t like her joke and now you’re pissy? Confused

longwayoff · 27/02/2020 06:32

Social skills, Mrs B. If you raise the topic with colleagues then you have no cause for complaint. It's not appropriate to describe yourself in this way and then whinge about responses. What on earth were you expecting?

InfiniteSheldon · 27/02/2020 06:42

Shagging about: fine it's about choice. Town bike : judgemental arsehat it implies use and no choice you were 100% right to call her/him out. I was recently talking with couple friends about drug use in my twenties, next time we saw them my 'friend' referenced me being an ex junkie! Tbf her dh roundly called her on it. People show their prejudices quite quickly.

KizzyWayfarer · 27/02/2020 06:53

Surprised how many people find ‘town bike’ an inoffensive joke. It’s the equivalent of slag or whatever, but kind of worse as it’s such a clear ‘something men use and discard’ metaphor.

Mummadeeze · 27/02/2020 06:57

I had sex with loads of people when younger. I am not ashamed of it and don’t feel I should be. I probably wouldn’t share that information with colleagues but I totally agree that it is horrible to be called ‘the town bike’ and I would be insulted by this too. She was rude and sexist to say this. Maybe you were using men for your needs as much as they were using you and this implies it was one sided.

FizzyIce · 27/02/2020 07:00

Really? I doubt that was a serious question from her , she was replying to your joke .
Like you’d ever genuinely ask someone that

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/02/2020 07:00

God, I'm really surprised by the responses on here. Most of the teenagers (male and female) that I teach would have given you a more sympathetic response than you've had here, OP: they recognise the double standards at work when it comes to talking about attitudes to men and women and sex, and some of them are pretty pissed off about it.

So even if adults on here can't see the misogyny embedded in the phrase "the town bike", take heart from the fact that at least some of the younger generation can. At least one of the girls I teach would have given exactly your response to anyone who had said that about a woman, and a lot of her mates would have wholeheartedly backed her up.

HelgaHere1 · 27/02/2020 07:01

This was a phrase when I was a teen in the 1960/1970s.
Funny she should say this. I would guess it has some bad memory/ bad situation for her and hence it popped out.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/02/2020 07:05

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

I think I'd have told you that I didn't want to know, joke or not.