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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS being a CF?

227 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 26/02/2020 13:58

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

OP posts:
popcornpaws · 27/02/2020 23:36

My DD stays at her boyfriends house a couple of times a week, she brings all her washing home and does it here when she gets home, it wouldn’t cross her mind to expect his mum to fo it!!!!

Barney60 · 28/02/2020 00:53

Im with Greenfingers on this, either buy a wash basket for sons room and show son how to use washing machine and let him do it, or ask him to tell her to take it home, no way would I wash her knickers!

katy1213 · 28/02/2020 01:12

If his girlfriend is staying three nights a week, he needs to move out and get a place of his own. Don't make it so comfortable that he won't stand on his own two feet. 26 is far too old to be living with your mum!

katy1213 · 28/02/2020 01:13

And what kind of girl leaves her knickers lying around at someone else's house?

Blubelle7 · 28/02/2020 01:22

I'd be terribly embarrassed is my mum washed my knickers let alone my boyfriend's mum. Do people have zero pride nowadays

livelifehappy · 28/02/2020 05:44

Omg really? Sounds to me that you may actually have a problem with his girlfriend! The things people actually take issue with is bizarre. Far important things in the world than getting worked up over washing a pair of knickers. Those knickers could end up belonging to your future daughter-in-law!

CatteStreet · 28/02/2020 06:19

Goodness, there's a lot of projection going on here. Pretty astonished at the vehemence with which OP is being attacked for doing her ds' washing (and especially boggled at the pp who makes her 10yo do her own Shock ). If it works for her, why on earth wouldn't she? It sounds as if it might be more efficient overall (in terms of time, energy/cost/environment, logistics) than him having to do his separately at awkward times just so OP can make a point she doesn't even seem to feel the need to make. I also wouldn't be making a fuss about the odd item of his girlfriend's getting in - and how ridiculous that she's supposed to be 'embarrassed' about her underwear Confused The issue for me would be whether he is capable of doing it himself (which he no doubt is, it isn't hard) and whether he does other household stuff that makes sense for him to do. Does he keep his room clean and tidy, clear up after himself, share in the regular house cleaning, share in the cooking when he's home and eating with the family, do his food shopping or take a proportionate part in it? If the answer to all those is yes, then why on earth should this family not have an efficient way of getting everyone's washing done?

As for living at home at 26, if everyone's happy with it and he acts like a functional adult as above (and pays a share of bills the parents are happy with), again, why ever not? It's just a houseshare with your parents, surely.

JavaQ · 28/02/2020 07:32

He must do his own laundry.
Imagine what kind of husband he will be...

TorkTorkBam · 28/02/2020 07:38

It is not being a selfish bitch to teach your child how to be an adult.

FlowerArranger · 28/02/2020 07:40

I'm with @CatteStreet on this. I couldn't get worked up about laundry.

However, staying 3 nights a week is pushing it in my view. There's a fine but real line between 2 nights versus 3. The latter can easily turn into 4, which is edging towards living together. Maybe have an open conversation on where they see this going.

Casino218 · 28/02/2020 07:41

26 and you are running around after him and someone who doesn't even live with you? Ffs get assertive and tell the lazy slob to do his own washing. You're hardly setting him up to be good husband material!

xQueenMabx · 28/02/2020 07:46

Throw the stuff in the tumble drier, if they get ruined she will decide it's better to take her stuff home with her. Problem solved!

Vulpine · 28/02/2020 07:55

His gf is taking your son's lead and sees you as some kind of scivvy. There is no excuse to be doing his or her laundry

Vulpine · 28/02/2020 08:00

Especially if he doesn't pay rent. You dont owe him

Dozer · 28/02/2020 08:02

YABVU to do his washing: that’s actually doing him no favours. He’s an adult FFS.

Dozer · 28/02/2020 08:02

Why does his GF even want to date a manchild who doesn’t even wash his own clothes?

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 28/02/2020 08:07

I can’t believe the women on here who do laundry for everyone and then make excuses as to why it’s a good idea.

When my boys got to be teenagers they were shown how to manage their own laundry, including how to build up a load. Surely everyone these days has sufficient clothes that they can do that?

I don’t buy into the idea that a woman has to do everyone’s washing to save money on loading the washing machine.

ferrier · 28/02/2020 08:18

Wouldn't and doesn't bother me. My ds sometimes does his and gf's washing and sometimes it's just in the basket and I do it. Even iron it sometimes but once the gf is spending nights here she's becoming part of the family anyway.

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 28/02/2020 08:25

Doing everyone’s washing is wrong in a number of ways. Women have a life as well, Time not spent faffing around with washing can be spent in much more enjoyable ways.

By doing everyone’s washing you are teaching them that’s it’s women’s work and it’s fine to sit back and let someone else do your dirty work for you.

Finally, you are failing as a parent as you are not raising your offspring to be self-sufficient and you are not teaching them to respect women.

thegcatsmother · 28/02/2020 08:35

@sidestepping Unless my lad has got married without telling me, no, I'm not your mil. My washing machine was expensive and I don't want it damaged. I didn't care what he did to washing machines at uni, but I do care about mine.

ferrier · 28/02/2020 08:42

How long does it take to learn how to do laundry .... about 5 minutes? Anyone would think it needed a science degree by some of the comments here!

Avocadohips · 28/02/2020 08:44

I think it is CFery for either of them ti expect you to wash her stuff. If you're really intent on "helping" him by doing his laundry I'd tell him that it's his choice - he does laundry for both him and her, or you do his and not hers.

Of course it's not weird to live with parents while saving to get onto the property ladder Hmm if he's never moved out and never learned to do washing, cleaning, cooking etc that's a different problem. Teaching sons that it's normal and their job to do running a household tasks is one of the best ways to help ensure future relationship success imo. You've only got to read mumsnet for all the women considering leaving men who never lift a finger to Hoover.

WhatNowFrantic · 28/02/2020 08:51

My DD didn't move out until she was 29! Didn't bother me one bit, she paid her way and I liked having her here. She just couldn't afford rent/mortgage before then.
She did do her own washing but only because she said I didn't do it properly Grin
I cannot see the harm about chucking in washing together to save energy etc
OP has said he knows how to use the machine and is helpful in other ways. I don't see a problem.

Vulpine · 28/02/2020 08:55

'Saves energy'? Not your own

Vulpine · 28/02/2020 08:57

Adult children living at home is not the issue here, its the laundry. And if he works such 'long hours' hows he gonna cope with the basics of life hen he moves to his own place?

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