Is DS being a CF?

[MirandaGoshawk]

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

[CentrifugalBumblePuppy]

My adult children (that still live at home) generally do their own laundry, but if I’m putting a load on I’ll mooch round & ask if there’s anything they want to stick in with mine.

Yesterday I washed a pair of my daughter’s boyfriend’s boxers.

I didn’t have a tizzy. My head did not explode. The world did not spin off its axis.

It’s laundry. For goodness sake.

[CentrifugalBumblePuppy]

And I also have an adult son, and his male friend lodging with us, and both are very well domesticated. Likewise my husband. They all know how to operate pegs/washing line/washer/dryer without a) their winkles getting in the way and b) me occasionally washing the odd pair of their under grundies.

[MirandaGoshawk]

I know that I am making life easy for him by doing his laundry. I moved out at 18, just for info, so I learnt fast about looking after myself, and he hasn't. But soon he will, as he will be moving into his own flat. The question about CFery was re his attitude to me doing his GF's trousers. That's why I asked the question.

As to this - It's definitely time for your 26 year old man child to move out - um, why? I love catching up with him in the evening, we all get on, and him not paying £500 per month renting somewhere else has meant he has saved enough for a deposit on a flat. I will miss him when he goes. Won't you help your dch, if you can? Haven't families always lived together in some cultures? It's just that ours thinks of it as weird.

[SoldiersinPetticoats]

My first boyfriend moved in with me at 22 and couldn’t use a washing machine or even chop an onion and expected me to do all the household chores. His mum did everything for him when he was at home and he was shocked to find that GF don’t do what mummy does. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long.
Do your DS (and any future wife) a favour and make him do his own chores.

[user1497787065]

Some underwear and a single pair of trousers. It's hardly a week's laundry that your son's GF is leaving you to do. Just put it in with the load you are doing. I can't believe the fuss!

[Tobebythesea]

When I was 26 I lived at my parents home for 1 year for work reasons and did long hours. Don’t make me being unable to wash my own clothes. Stop. You are not don’t him any favours. He’s not 6.

As for his GF, take her stuff out and give it back to her in a bag. Gross.

[Tobebythesea]

*didn’t make me unable

[NotNowPlzz]

Stop doing his bloody washing.

[annamie]

I would feel like a selfish bitch if I didn't

I never know why women refer to themselves as bitches. So demeaning. Why would teaching your son to be independent make you selfish, let alone a selfish bitch?

[JudyCoolibar]

If he's due to move out soon, that's all the more reason for him to start learning now how to sort out his own washing.

[JunkshopLil]

However, I do think it's ridiculous that your son still lives at home at 26.

Why?

That makes me doubly ridiculous then because both mine are still at home at 26 and 24. They stay over occasionally at their respective partner's places, but don't want to move in with them. They've got decent jobs (although daughter is still training) but not enough to pay hefty rents or mortgages. I never left home until I was 27 myself and I've turned out perfectly fine!

They're happy at home and I'm happy having them here. In fact I'd have to downsize if they moved out as I couldn't afford to run the place on my own.

Nothing ridiculous about it. It suits them and it suits me.

Don't judge everyone by your own beliefs and circumstances.

[Coyoacan]

Well the joke will be on the gf when they move in together and he expects her to do his washing.

[Lexilooo]

I lived at home until I was 26. While I lived at home my washing was done with the rest of the household's washing (mainly but not exclusively Mum would do it). Once I moved out I was capable of doing my own washing. I don't believe washing is women's work.

I wouldn't have dreamed of putting a boyfriend's stuff in the family wash though. Or of leaving my stuff at a boyfriend's place to be washed. Especially not underwear.

The only time I could see it being acceptable would be say if something messy was spilled or someone fell over in the mud and their clothes were put straight in the wash to avoid a stain, or to prevent further mess, or so they had something clean and dry to travel home in.

[maryqueenofpots]

I left a thong in my ex's room at his parents house once and he the next day told me that he had put it in the wash without me knowing.
His mum did the washing and put the washed thong in one of his sisters' pile of washed clothing, who looked at the thong and said 'mum this isn't my thong' and so the mum took the thong and put it in the other sister's pile of washing clothing and she looked at the thong and said 'mum this isn't mine' and then my ex said 'oh wait that's Mary's'.
I was MORTIFIED. Three members of his family examining my thong???
You said it was your son who did it and the gf didn't mean it, maybe she's not a CF.

[TryingToBeBold]

I guess if men and women are equivalent then by my mum doing my washing until I moved out.. I should not have known how to use a washing machine..
My poor DP. He would have had to teach me how to iron. Use the washing machine.

Or is it different because I'm female? (In response to those saying males who have their housework done for them will move out not having a clue so assuming this applies to females too )

[DingleberryRose]

Yeah... stop doing his laundry, like... 10 years ago!

[motherheroic]

She probably chucked it in there assuming her washes his own clothes and doesn't have his mom do it.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I also don't think his GF wants me to wash her stuff - he has just found them in his room and chucked them in the washing when he wasn't going to see her for a few days.

This is nothing then. You made out she was getting you to wash her stuff...

[purpleboy]

Absolutely TryingToBeBold
I can obviously only speak for myself, but as I said upthread my 16yo dd does her own laundry so she can learn to be an independent adult.

[PepsiLola]

Is DS being a CF - well everyone has told you yes and told you to make him do his own laundry, but you're defensive...

Why ask?

[TheyDoDoThat]

He works long hours, so I do his washing

I’d be saying welcome to the real world cupcake. You are not doing him any favours or your future dil.

[Didshereally]

OP
Wash the items, bung them in tumble drier like your DS says (I hate washing slowly drying on Rads around house)

Maybe they shrink, who knows?... but you can watch fireworks fly when Gf berates DS for giving her trousers to his mum to wash and telling his DM to tumble dry them.

Or if she is CF or gf-of-a-CF, neither will leave her washing for you again in case clumsy-you- shrinks her stuff again. Voila.

Unless you like Gf then maybe ask her if she xxx was meaning for you to do her washing too?

[Stompythedinosaur]

Honestly I couldn't get upset over a pair of trousers. Either do the washing if you want to or get your ds to do it if you don't.

I think at 26 he should be doing his own laundry though!

[Coyoacan]

Well there is a difference between sons and daughters. In the wider world, men are led to believe that women are there to pick up after them, so if parents do not teach their sons to be responsible for their own mess, they tend to interpret that as their privilege.

Daughters on the other hand will only enjoy that privilege while at home.

[Grobagsforever]

OP I'm sorry but you've raised a man child.

Outrageous he doesn't do his own washing. Don't you have literally anything else you'd rather do with your time then serve grown men?