Is DS being a CF?

[MirandaGoshawk]

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

[endlessstrife]

Good grief no! It’s bad enough you’re still doing his washing, not taking in more. It’s not the amount, it’s the principle . They’re 26 for goodness sake!

[itsgettingweird]

Tell him to do his own fucking washing, and hers! He's 26 for goodness sake, unless he's working 24 hours a day this is fucking ridiculous and you are enabling him to be a complete fucking loser. Who the fuck would still have their mum do their washing at 26?!

This

[EmbarrassedMum1]

If I were the girlfriend I'd be mortified at my MIL washing my Knicks!!, I'm 29 been with my husband near 13 years, excellent relationship with her and there's still no way I'd be ok with my MIL washing my pants!.

I'd have probably told DS I'm now charging per item for visitors laundry and a pair of socks counts as two. That might put a stop to it

[Thewarrenerswife]

I have to agree with the majority of PP, you may have asked about your ds gf pants, but the stand out mistake is you doing ds laundry. You may enjoy it and want to ‘oil’ what every it you think you’re oiling, but you’re not really helping him in the long run. He’s not that busy if he’s staying away with his gf for a few days at a time. You’re just making him unappealing to girls who don’t want to be a replacement Mum, cook and cleaner.

[Electrical]

Just talk to your son then, ffs. Posting a thread about an oddly specific laundry preference and then being snarky at the posters who bothered replying is pointless. Tell him that you’re happy to launder his girlfriends dirty knickers, but you draw the line at trousers 😂😂😂

[Lovely13]

I wash g/f of son’s undies and bits and bobs when she stays over. They don't live here, just occasional stopovers. Saves her stashing dirty laundry in handbag on way to work! Always makes me laugh, and probably neighbours, to see her sexy pants next to my giant old lady ones on washing line.

[momtoboys]

AND still lives at home, Dozer!

[TryingToBeBold]

And if he works such 'long hours' hows he gonna cope with the basics of life hen he moves to his own place?
Because now I've moved out.. it's more acceptable for me to put a noisy washing machine on at 9pm for an hour and a half... rather than wake anyone up at my parents doing it..

[CaptainNelson]

OP, I get that you want to help your DS out while he's at home, and that he knows how to use a washing machine, but actually I think it's about taking responsibility for his own stuff. It's the remembering to do it, and managing your time, which he needs to learn, not where to put the powder and what setting to use.
I really would listen to the so-many-people who are saying that your DS should be dealing with his own laundry, especially with the g/f issue. There are many other things you can do for him.

[Apolloanddaphne]

I see no difference between doing my washing and doing washing for my DH, DDs or any guests. Washing is the least onerous task of all. As long as someone else is doing the dusting and vacuuming I am happy to pop on a wash for anyone.

[NearlyGranny]

I don't actually remember you saying what part of the domestic load your DS was currently shouldering, Vulpine. Did Nanny0gg read a post that I missed? 🤔

[Vulpine]

So you think thats how the son and his gf see it

[Nanny0gg]

Oh he's not helpless.
We have a division of labour and washing is part of my remit. I enjoy it.

He irons and cooks!

I just think that if a number of people share a home then it is wasteful to carry on as though you're all in individual apartments.

As long as everyone can do most (or all of the tasks) and that the load is shared then everyone should pull together not separately

[Squirrelpeanutbutter]

Doing your husbands laundry is different

It's different if your partner pulls their weight in other ways. Having said that, we each do our own laundry.

[Vulpine]

Doing your husbands laundry is different.

[Squirrelpeanutbutter]

Helplessness is never appealing except in newborns!

Especially puppies and kittens.

[NearlyGranny]

Nanny0gg, he'd be wise to know how to manage this and other chores and feel confident so he can take over if you were in hospital! Likewise if there's any vital things he always does that would baffle you.

My DB's FiL couldn't even put the kettle on and make himself a cup of instant coffee because the gender roles had always been rigidly defined. When MiL was rushed into hospital, this able-bodied, working executive had to appeal to his young, married, working mum DDs to service his domestic needs.

Helplessness is never appealing except in newborns!

[Dozer]

[Nanny0gg]

I still do my husband's laundry and he's 78.

Am I wrong? Should I make him do it himself?

[Merryweather80]

He should be doing his own and her laundry. Long hours or not. Everyone else manages, other household tasks too.
When he moves out does he expect his gf to wash, iron, hover, cook etc for him and he has no input? It's time he did his fair share do he's used to doing it so he doesn't end up being someone else's cocklodger!

[Beelzebubba]

I think I was about 18 years old when my mother said 'look, here's the washing machine, this is how it works, get on with it'. Also was happy to hang washing out on the line too, no reason you should be doing it for him. (I'm male, BTW).

[NearlyGranny]

OP, I think whether it CFery or not totally depends on their response to your doing their washing!

If it's ignored, or if DS's GF says something like, "Oh, those trousers don't go in the tumble dryer, they have to be pegged at the ankles and for next time, I like them folded with the seams matched," there's no next time!

If on the other hand, it's, "Oh, Mrs Goshawk, I'm so sorry I forgot my dirty clothes, I didn't mean you to wash them, you are an angel!" it's a totally different matter.

[Satsuma2]

Why are you still doing your sons laundry for him at 26? My children learnt to do their own while they were at school. That way it's not a big deal when they go to uni or leave home.

[Vulpine]

*get out

[Vulpine]

So how do the clothes get put of the washing machine/dryer etc, sorted and folded etc - the magic laundry elf?