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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS being a CF?

227 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 26/02/2020 13:58

DS is 26 and lives at home. He works long hours, so I do his washing. His GF is also 26 and lives with her parents. She stays over with DS two or three nights a week. Her socks & undies have appeared in our washing basket a couple of times and I've done them without comment. Now a pair of her trousers have appeared. I mentioned them to DS and said I wasn't happy with extra work drying clothes in this weather. He said to shove them in with his and tumble dry (which I tend to avoid). But the label says no. Anyway today is blowy so I have washed them. AIBU to ask him to get her to take her washing home in future? What if I shrink something?

OP posts:
Wilkie1956mog · 27/02/2020 18:36

My grown up daughter still lives at home and I always do her washing. It's easy enough to put hers in the wash with mine and my husband's. I hand wash a few of her clothes that need it too. I don't mind. She works all day and I'm at home. (She does other chores at home.) But I must admit I wouldn't wash her boyfriend's clothes, or at least not more than once, under exceptional circumstances. That would be "coming the raw prawn" as the Aussies say! I'd tell your DS that you have enough washing to do.

ladyvimes · 27/02/2020 18:38

Bloody hell I work long hours and still have to do all my own (and the rest of the family’s) washing!! Maybe I should get my mum to do it as she works less than me!!

doghairismyglitter · 27/02/2020 19:01

Actually feel a bit sorry for OP, fair enough to voice her son could do his own washing but some of the comments are pretty harsh.

To say is fucking ridiculous and you are enabling him to be a complete fucking loser
Can we just remember this is her son you’re talking about? Jeez 🙄

Newenw · 27/02/2020 19:33

Crikey, I can’t believe how harsh some of you are being! It makes me wonder why some of you had families in the first place if you are so unwilling to do anything for them! Yes, your offspring need to know how to do things for themselves ( and the OP’s son sounds perfectly capable) but is there really any harm in a mum who has the time putting a load of washing on? I thought the OP’s main concern was not the washing but drying and potentially ruining the GF’s clothes and how the amount of washing could escalate.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 19:36

@ladyvimes
Bloody hell I work long hours and still have to do all my own (and the rest of the family’s) washing!! Maybe I should get my mum to do it as she works less than me!!

Does she live with you? If so, good idea.

In reality, how many people do their washing individually?

Surely it makes sense to make up wash loads?

Just get him to do other jobs around the house.

Bexyp45 · 27/02/2020 19:40

I don't see a problem with doing the odd bit of laundry, but I'd expect a thank you now and again - if she hasn't already done so.

mummytraveller · 27/02/2020 20:03

um.. why are you doing his laundry at 26?!

chardonm · 27/02/2020 20:08

I think there might be a little bit of a sexist bias here.... ok to do laundry for ds poor baby works long hours; but gf shouldn't be so lazy.

If he said to put it in tumble dryer just put it in tumble dryer.

ittakes2 · 27/02/2020 20:15

It’s likely to be an accident. My m’n’law used to wash my husband’s then boyfriends clothes and she would often wash mine too. I never wanted her to - she ruin dry clean only clothes washing putting them in the dryer. I had to get him to ask her to kindly stop!

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2020 20:17

My children have returned home a few times over the years.

They were (and are) fully functioning adults.

I did the washing. They ironed (if necessary) and put away.

Sometimes they cooked dinner. They would clean. They looked after their own rooms. They did other jobs.

We were a team.

What's this obsession about the washing? Do we know if he does anything else?

doghairismyglitter · 27/02/2020 20:21

If my son was 26 and living at home because he was trying to save for a property and set up a business and I was at home all day, I would do his washing... I wouldn’t put the machine on and deliberately ignore his clothes? OP said he does other things to help, not quite sure what the big deal is or why she’s getting such a bashing, the question was about his gfs clothes, not his 🤷🏼‍♀️

chuck7 · 27/02/2020 20:25

Wow please leave your sons laundry to him, you’re honestly doing him (or yourself) no favours.

snowybean · 27/02/2020 20:27

What's a CF?

The girlfriend should do her own washing, honestly.

snowybean · 27/02/2020 20:39

I moved home for nine months last year (I'm 31) and my boyfriend moved in for three weeks at the end before our tenancy started on a place of our own. At no point did I give my mum my washing. I'd stop doing his. If you let his pile up then he'll have no choice but to do his own!

jackie2669 · 27/02/2020 20:53

Wow so many judgemental people on here
My son lives at home after splitting with partner and unable to pay rent on own
I was any laundry when it's there I even cook his tea Shock .He also works long hours but helps out on his day off .why wouldn't I make a plate up for him while doing everyone's else's or throw his washing in .He's still my son and the things he helps out with would be petty not to throw a wash in or make some tea.

angelfacecuti75 · 27/02/2020 20:54

Get your ds to do his own bloody washing ! He is 26 not 2!

harriethoyle · 27/02/2020 21:11

My goodness. A whole 12 hours out of the house!! No wonder he can't do his own washing... Confused

Rachel709 · 27/02/2020 21:35

So she brings spare knickers or goes home without any? I wouldn't be to bothered but I would also teach son to use the washing machine. My 13 year old boy does some of his own washing.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 21:51

Yeah, if he has time for a GF he can stick a load of washing on himself. This will turn into live-in girlfriend with you as housekeeper.

IUsedToKnowThat · 27/02/2020 22:53

I wonder, does your son ever stay at her house and have his laundry done there?
This to me, indicates that it’s time to give your DS some independence (responsibility) - either he can do his laundry or his rent (does he pay any?) goes up.
If he lived in his own place he’d be working long hours and doing his laundry. Sounds like you still want to play Mummy - which is understandable but not doing him, or her, any favours.

GreenShadow · 27/02/2020 22:57

Goodness, what a lot of judgemental people on here.

Why on earth is everyone saying should he do his own washing. He does other tasks round the house instead. It's how families work - each carries out jobs they are good at and it all works out even in the end.

When my DC are home, it makes sense for me to throw all whites/darks/coloureds in the wash in one go rather than everyone wait for a full load of their own bits. Waste of time - and everyone would need more clothes if they had to wait for a full load by themselves.

thegcatsmother · 27/02/2020 23:11

I do my ds's washing, as I don't want my machine buggered up if he slams the door too hard or overloads the drum etc. He survived 4 years at uni doing his own washing, so he can operate a washing machine, but he is heavy handed, and I don't want to pay for a new machine.

midwestspring · 27/02/2020 23:22

@thegcatsmother are you my MIL? I'm sure this is her thinking even though DH and I are now in our 40s.

christmasathome · 27/02/2020 23:27

Stop doing his laundry! My mum never did mine, we as kids took turns so it was always a family job.

When my now dh and I moved in together I remember mil saying something about making sure dh had nice shirts and me saying if he wants them he will do them. 19 years later laundry is mostly his job but we all including pre teen kids chip in.

I used to sleep over at my now dh and I don’t think our clothes ever got mixed up so his mum had to wash mine. Its not hard to keep them depending.

WhiteBadger · 27/02/2020 23:29

You're doing your 26 year old son's washing!!!

What the fuck!!!!!

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