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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh fuck, I’ve no excuse not to be part of the PTA

201 replies

MoonBaby1 · 25/02/2020 23:04

I’ve used the new baby excuse for as long as possible. He’s almost two so that’s wearing thin. I only work three days a week and it’s flexible around school times.

It’s only a tiny rural school that relies on parent volunteers so I’m just going to have to dive in right?

OP posts:
Taswama · 26/02/2020 10:39

I agree having a way of fundraising that is basically a cash donation is good. We have a 50/50 club (50% of the pot to the PTA, 50% to top 3 names each month) and I happily buy £20 or £30 of raffle tickets for the summer fair. But I don’t want any more cuddly toys and there’s only so many cakes you can eat from the cake stall (although if they kept some whole as I’ve suggested I’d happily buy one of those to take home and freeze).

BlingLoving · 26/02/2020 10:39

I think it's a real pity that PTAs have such a bad reputation. which I suspect is not entirely unearned.

When I was chair of our PTA I worked really hard to make all parents understand that ANY commitment was great - we didn't care if all you did was one cake sale a year - if you stepped up, we were grateful. we also found that by making sure people understood we wouldn't ask for more, we found a number of helpers who have taken on specific events/ tasks each year and just run with them now with very little involvement from the committee. Eg there's the group of dads who are on refreshments at all fairs/other events, the mum who organises (separately) a group of other parents to help with the Christmas wrapping for grotto gifts, the couple (they take turns depending on timing as they both work part time) who have taken on a couple of in-school events that are done simply for the children's enjoyment etc. And there are various other groups working technically under the PTA auspices to do x or y.

What did annoy me is the number of parents who said, "Oh, I work full time so really can't help. Can't I just chuck some money at it online from my desk?" So we made it easy - we publicised the PTA's bank details. In two years, we got 2 donations of £25 each (although, to be fair, one family who had said they'd do it but didn't were spotted dropping £20 to pay for two fairy cakes at the cake sale...)

Ditto, the parents who complain and whinge about PTA events not being perfect/being too expensive/ being too cheap/ not being organised right/ excluding little Johnny..... but who never turn up at a meeting to discuss logistics, offer to help etc. Those ones can burn as far a I'm concerned.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 10:49

Bank details is a bit of a pain though!

My eldest‘s school is great! I can register my debit card with his account and any time they need money, I log in on the app and it’s done. Less than two minutes and a record right there so I don’t have to go looking for notes or receipts.

The easier you make things for people, the more you’ll get IMO!

BlingLoving · 26/02/2020 10:51

Bank details is a bit of a pain though!

I know. we tried to get added as a payment option on the school's online system but for whatever reason, they couldn't/wouldn't let us.

We also looked into one of those apps where you can just hit a button on your phone or send a text or whatever but we couldn't (at the time) find one that was accessible/safe/affordable. We did manage to get a card machine but that was an interesting process because when we started looking at them, they were still crazy expensive. Later they got less expensive and that's when we went ahead.

faracrossthepond · 26/02/2020 11:38

@MoonBaby1 Heck no. Just say you have prior commitments that are personal and cannot give your time right now.

PTA. What a nightmare! The mums at my kids school were a fecking nightmare. Cliquey, bitchy, their kids could do no wrong, sucking up to the teachers, OMG I do NOT miss the school days!!! So glad they're grown now.

hazell42 · 26/02/2020 12:22

I spent 25 years at the school gates (4 kids)
Was never asked
Bugger.
Were they cutting me?
Perhaps I dont look like pta material (definitely true)
Oh well

managedmis · 26/02/2020 12:32

Op? Still awake?

Fucck · 26/02/2020 12:42

I was asked outright to be on our pta once ... so I was brutally honest that hell would freeze over before I willingly joined that bunch of bullies.
The chairperson seriously put Christina Applegates character in Bad Moms in the shade and her merry bunch of followers were no better. I was shunned from there on in. It was awesome.

Nat6999 · 26/02/2020 17:07

I was treat like a leper by parents at ds primary school due to it being mainly catholic & me leaving my husband when ds was in Y1. Hell would have frozen over before any parent would have spoken to me let alone asked me to join friends of the school.

OhCaptain · 26/02/2020 17:10

That’s very surprising @Nat6999

Most of our schools are catholic and I’ve never seen or heard of that type of behaviour!

Parker231 · 26/02/2020 17:12

How many fathers are on your PTA?

99problemsandthecatis1 · 26/02/2020 17:22

Parker231 we have 3 father's, 5 mother's and 4 school staff.

Nat6999 · 26/02/2020 23:43

Ohcaptain It is a catholic school, ds was one of about four non catholic children in his year who got a place there, the only other choice in our area was a very poor academy primary, so we put the catholic one down as third choice below two other primary schools ten minutes further drive away & got given the catholic one. Up to me leaving my husband things were ok, but once news spread that we had separated & that I had a new partner ( ex husband did the poor me thing & told everyone) we were ostracized, ds wasn't invited to parties or playdates & nobody would speak to me in the playground, even the staff's attitudes changed. I wanted to move ds to a different school but ex husband wouldn't agree to it.

Monty27 · 27/02/2020 03:56

They pick on the naive enthusiastic parents ime (me)
Once you become part of it you realise
a) they're a bunch of hypocritical vipers that would even put Mumsnet to shame at times
a) why there's vacancies

EmeraldShamrock · 27/02/2020 09:10

I was treat like a leper by parents at ds primary school due to it being mainly catholic & me leaving my husband when ds was in Y1 Really. It must have been the area. My DC go to Catholic school, the majority of parent's are sinners, me included for instance I'm unmarried.
I don't think they shunned you for leaving your ex, it sounds like he spread some nasty rumours which they fell for. Ignore them.
I bet none of them could throw stones in judgement.
I'm not even religious it is a school I went to.

Nat6999 · 27/02/2020 12:03

Emeraldshamrock Thankfully ds is 16 now & goes to a non denominational secondary school. It was a very lonely time when he was at primary school & ds suffered as he was cut out of playdates & parties etc, the staff at school weren't very considerate to either of us despite the fact that I had left exh due to DV. If I had that time again, I would have changed schools & stuff the consequences.

SpeedofaSloth · 27/02/2020 12:06

I'm not a PTA member but I do stalls at fairs when they ask for volunteers. It's not all or nothing Smile

opticaldelusion · 27/02/2020 12:17

I just wouldn't add much value. AFAIK it's mainly ideas for fundraising and I simply wouldn't have any.

DelurkingAJ · 27/02/2020 12:18

Our PTA holds meetings during school time on occasion and then wonders why people who work aren’t there...but the school does now have an Amazon wish list, hurray. So I remove my guilt that way.

(I’m also treasurer for our Scouts so not irredeemable, just can’t cope with the PTA set up here which assumes you don’t work).

EmeraldShamrock · 27/02/2020 12:42

@Nat6999 Flowers

dayswithaY · 27/02/2020 12:42

Don't do it! They're all social climbers hoping to elevate their kids, fuck knows why. One PTA nightmare mum would rig every raffle and competition so her daughter would win. She even wrapped the prizes in her favourite colour wrapping paper. How could anyone be bothered to be so petty?

RedskyAtnight · 27/02/2020 12:44

Don't do it! They're all social climbers hoping to elevate their kids, fuck knows why.

I must have been doing something wrong then ... many years on PTAs and my children never got any special considerations and neither did anyone else that I'm aware of.

Massive stereotyping or what?

bookmum08 · 27/02/2020 12:48

dayswith that's a charming thing to say - not.
I joined the PTA because I wanted to help the school, needed to get some confidence in myself back, make some friends, learn some skills and be part of the community in which I live.

Bigmango · 27/02/2020 12:50

But you would get to call the teachers by their first names and use the photocopier whenever you wanted sooooooo

MrsPeacockDidIt · 27/02/2020 13:08

our PTA had to close as there were only 3 of us willing to commit to be on the committee which just wasn't enough. It's great to say you'll volunteer to man a stall but someone still needs to organise the event so there is a stall to man.

I joined the PTA to help the school and the children, no other motive, and I certainly didn't get any perks at all, not even getting to use the photocopier

Once it closed down I applied to be a scout leader as a way to give back to the community as they also struggle for volunteers and my son's Beaver scout colony would have closed down.

I'm lucky I work part time at the moment so have the extra time and although the volunteering is a lot of work it is rewarding.

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